“Well, I didn’t.” My eyes rolled. “I hadn’t wanted to for a while. My dad hoped your dad would change his mind if he saw me. He didn’t. And those last couple of years were already so rough for me anyway. It was hard being anywhere half the time—especially out in the orchard.”
His head shook a little as if trying to figure out how they hadn’t noticed. “What was wrong?”
“Endometriosis,” I said, then quickly added, “A horrendously severe, aggressive case of it. I had three doctors tell me it was the worst they’d ever seen.”
Hunter stared at me blankly.
“You can Google it later,” I offered. “Just know that it was incredibly painful. I missed so much school I had to start being homeschooled. And then I moved to Dallas and met Dean—he lived next door to my tía. He noticed things, so he always knew if it was really bad. Like how I’d shut the world away, close all the blinds, and not blast my music. He’d sneak in and bring things to try to make me comfortable—like heated blankets. He’d read to me. I got this non-invasive surgery that was supposed to really help. The doctor said it might be five years before it started getting bad again.” I shrugged. “Five years sounded like heaven when it’d only been three years of living in that hell.”
“And did it help?”
“Hardly,” I said honestly, even though I’d lied to Dean. Telling him it’d been better in those first few months. “I was still taking medication to try to help it, but I barely felt a difference. We checked a year later, and it was like they’d never done the surgery. It looked almost exactly how it had before.”
“Jesus,” Hunter said, rubbing at his jaw. His brow furrowing even though he didn’t know what I was talking about. “So, what do you have to do? I mean, what can you do?”
“Nothing, it’s already done.”
“You just take medication and live with it?” His stare darted over me before meeting my face again. “There has to be something.”
“A lot of people do. But again, mine was an extreme case. And there’s nothing to do because I’ve already taken the next step.” I waved a hand over my body before folding my arms around my waist. “I told you I wouldn’t get pregnant because I won’t. I can’t.”
Hunter was watching me expectantly, but I didn’t know how to continue when that deep, deep ache was blooming inside me. Stealing my breath and destroying a future I’d dreamt of since I was a little girl.
“I don’t understand,” he said hesitantly.
I appreciated that his hesitance was because he was worried for me and about what I would reveal. Not because he was afraid of stepping somewhere he shouldn’t.
Just as I wasn’t worried about pushing him too far—then again, I might’ve been too far gone to worry about that. I hadn’t seen him in years, and yet, our conversations had already been more open and honest than any I’d had in so long.
I liked it. Respected it.
“I had a total hysterectomy,” I said when it felt like I could speak without breaking down.
Hunter’s entire being seemed to sag even though he didn’t move. Sympathy poured from him as I continued.
“My original doctor in Dallas wouldn’t do it because I was so young. He said my case was medically necessary, but he still wouldn’t. So, we got a second opinion. That doctor agreed it was medically justified, but he wanted to wait until I was eighteen so I could make the decision legally. He treated me with medication as best he could for the next year and a half. A week after my birthday, I had the surgery.”
“And how are you now?”
“My spirit hurts,” I answered. “But I haven’t felt this good physically in years.”
He nodded, but the movement was so small, I barely noticed it. “If your dad had had the insurance, would it have changed the outcome?”
“No,” I said immediately. “I just go down a rabbit hole of thoughts that always brings me back to your dad because I want someone else to blame.”
No insurance. Dallas. Dean. Coming back once I’d healed. Running off to elope. Wreck.
“My parents still haven’t recovered financially—I can blame your dad for that.” I cleared my throat. “Speaking of, my dad just got insurance. And he’s leaving that behind for you.”
“He’ll have insurance,” Hunter vowed. “Anyone who works for me will.”
I believed him.
I dipped my head in thanks and moved over to grab the enchilada casserole.
“Can we not?” Hunter asked quickly when he saw my path, hands raised placatingly.
“I’m putting it in the oven to warm it back up.” I gave him a look as if he’d lost his mind, but there was a gentle tease in my voice when I asked, “Am I yelling at you?”
“Not at the moment.”
“Then, I’m not about to throw food.”
Once it was in there and the oven was warming up, I started picking up the sopaipillas while Hunter grabbed a wet rag.
“So, tell me,” I began. “Not that I care that you stopped me, but what’s the reason behind you not wanting me to kiss you?”
Hunter didn’t respond even after I had all the desserts back in the Tupperware and on the counter. He’d stopped in the middle of going from one powder burst to another and was just standing there, staring at the rag.
After another moment, he looked up at me and shrugged.
“All throughout our relationship, every time Piper kissed me, I saw a girl that sure as hell wasn’t Piper. And like I said . . . tonight, I wanted to forget.”
My entire body tensed when I stepped back inside after feeding the animals and letting them out to roam around for the day. My muscles twitching uncomfortably from the wall of emotions I’d slammed into. I set the eggs I’d collected into the large bowl Isabel had bought years ago, my eyes drifting to where she sat, lost in her thoughts.
Everything was set out for coffee to be made, but she hadn’t finished it.
I didn’t blame her. I was surprised she was still there.
I poured the steaming water from the kettle into the French press she’d bought to replace the old coffee maker after years of complaining about it. Then gathered everything up as my mind once again wandered. Thoughts of Isabel broken up by Madison.
Once I had the press, our mugs, and her creamer on the table, I sat in the chair next to hers and lifted her feet onto my lap out of habit.
A content hum started in her throat but stopped abruptly at the same moment she stiffened. After a few seconds, she moved. Pulled her legs back and crossed them on the chair. Back straight, body tense, and exuding pain.
I didn’t try to stop her.
I didn’t know how to navigate this, especially when my thoughts were so weighed down.
“Talk to me,” I begged softly.
Her stare shifted to me, a hint of a smile playing on her lips for a few moments before she said, “I was just thinking about the night you begged my dad to come back. When my mom sent me here with dinner to apologize.”
The corner of my mouth twitched with amusement. “So dangerous with food.”
Her dark eyes brightened for a second before fading and drifting to somewhere else.