My expression fell.
A hundred pairs of wings took flight in my stomach, but I felt sick.
My heart was slamming uncontrollably in my chest, but somehow also felt like it was stuck in my throat.
I wanted to run to him and turn back time. I wanted to hide away and mourn the life we’d missed. I wanted to rage at the world and my own mistakes.
It was such an odd mashup of feelings.
“Now you’re here without a ring. And at the mention of your baby daddy, you shut down. Well . . . shut down more than this already”—she gestured to me with a finger, her head slanting slightly as she studied me—“unnervingly subdued version of Madison that rolled back into town.”
I might’ve felt more uncomfortable under her stare if her words hadn’t resonated deep within my soul. Hadn’t made me long for the person I used to be.
A little reckless and a whole lot free.
Endlessly happy and blissfully in love.
I wasn’t sure I even knew what it felt like to be her anymore.
“I forgot how observant this town was,” I mumbled, my stare drifting to where patrons were watching our encounter, trying to hear every word.
A knowing hum sounded from Emberly, bringing my attention back to her. “That’s a nice word for nosy. And in my shop, I’m the nosiest of all.” She handed over the chocolate milk before continuing with my drink. “Don’t worry. I’ll only tell Cayson.”
I didn’t notice my head had begun shaking until it stopped when I registered her words.
“Wait, Cayson? I thought you were Sawyer’s best friend.”
“I am,” she said without missing a beat. “But Cayson is the other half of my soul.”
I blinked slowly as my mind tried to catch up when it felt like I was moving through water. “That’s wonderful. I had no idea.”
What a stupid thing to say.
Of course I hadn’t known. I hadn’t been here in so long. I hadn’t heard any Dixon-related news in almost as long.
But instead of commenting on it, something soft and sweet and adoring swept across Emberly’s face before she focused on me again. “I don’t think you’re understanding what I’m saying,” she murmured, then set my drink in front of me.
I followed her a couple feet over and watched as she leaned across the counter and lowered her voice even more. “Everything I just laid out, I noticed within a couple minutes between yesterday and today. You haven’t been here in a long time, Madison, but this is still Amber. The town networking system is stronger than ever.”
A mixture of amusement and annoyance sounded in my throat. I’d gotten in trouble more times than I could remember because of the town networking system.
If TMZ thought they posted news fast, they’d never met Amber residents. The people here were worse than paparazzi when it came to getting a story. Just less obvious and far less aggressive.
“Like I said,” Emberly continued, “I won’t say anything. That doesn’t mean other people didn’t see you yesterday, wearing a ring, after years of being away. That they didn’t see your reaction to Hunter. That they won’t see you today . . . without a ring.”
I went still as she laid out exactly how it would be seen. How it would be twisted. And I knew without a doubt she was right.
It wasn’t hard to remember how the gossip here got out of hand and warped.
“That isn’t . . .” My head shook quickly. “But that isn’t what’s going on.”
“I don’t doubt that,” she answered softly. “Like I said, I also saw the way you shut down when your daughter mentioned her dad.” Sympathy and worry swirled in her eyes as she pushed back a little on the counter. “Just trying to warn you about what might happen. Prepare you.”
“I appreciate it.” My head listed as a little laugh bubbled up. “Funny what you forget about a place when you’re removed from it.”
A knowing hum sounded in her throat. “Is Hunter one of those things?” At my shock, she shrugged unapologetically. “I said I was nosy.”
“Uh . . .” I stared at the wall behind her as responses gathered on my tongue.
I could never forget him.
I thought about him every day. Missed and ached for him.
Cried myself to sleep too many times to count.
“Have you thought of just talking to him?” Emberly asked when I didn’t continue. “I saw what happened yesterday, and I see the way you react every time I say his name.”
“It isn’t that simple.” I struggled to swallow the emotion that immediately built just thinking about Hunter Dixon. “I can’t.” For so many reasons, I couldn’t.
“Your life and your decisions,” Emberly said with an encouraging smile.
But her words felt like a sledgehammer to the chest. My decisions were what had led to this moment. To this life I could’ve never predicted.
“Right, thank you for my this, it was really great seeing you,” I said, trying to end the conversation before it could get any more painful, but I froze at Emberly’s quick inhale.
“There’s some of the Madison I remember.” Her face lit up with excitement, and she did a little bounce. Her head moving slightly with the action as she mimicked me, “My this. My that. Hey, friend!”
I covered my face with one of my hands as a breath of a laugh left me. “Oh my gosh, I did not do that.”
“You did and it was the best and everyone absolutely loved it about you.” She drummed on the counter with the tips of her fingers. “So, it’s good to see you’re still in there.”
I offered her a soft smile even though I wasn’t sure she was right. “Thank you again, Emberly.”
She nodded toward the drinks as I lifted them. “I hope you enjoy them, and I really am glad you’re back—for however long it may be.” But as she spoke, her stare drifted to something behind me. Words slowed. Mouth quirked up knowingly.
I turned and nearly dropped the drinks when the first glimpse of his build, dark hair, and blue eyes screamed Dixon so loudly that I thought Hunter was behind me, holding a woman close to his side.
Within a split second, I’d registered the Dixon in front of me was nothing like the one I’d spent so long loving, but I still struggled to catch up with the changes time had created. “Beau—oh my God, Sawyer?”
“About fucking time you came back,” he said softly, a grateful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Hunter’s been a miserable bastard without you.”
“Oh . . .” Another critical hit to the chest. It felt like I was falling and falling, and there was no end in sight. “I’m not . . .” My head moved in quick jerks.
“She’s married, Saw,” Emberly said from behind me.
Both Sawyer and the girl by his side’s stares dropped to my left hand. To where there was no ring because I’d left it on the floor of my parents’ living room the night before.
The girl was the first to recover.
Looking at me curiously as if she was figuring me out even though I was almost positive we didn’t know each other. Putting things together and switching them around in her mind until she looked both excited and dazed.
Sawyer’s eyes dragged up to my face a few seconds later. His brow was furrowed as he studied me in a way that let me know he could clearly see my internal battle. After another moment, he nodded.