“But he was . . .” Whatever I’d been about to say trailed off as I tried to wrap my mind around the bomb Savannah had just dropped.
Mr. Dixon had been the man everyone in town looked to for . . . well, anything. He’d been the kind of dad other dads endeavored to be like.
“Exactly,” Savannah said, assuming what I’d been about to say. “So, when we all started finding this out, it seemed unbelievable, to say the least. Sawyer lost it. Physically fighting with Cayson. Beau was . . . well, Beau. Levi was only a couple months old, so I was still all over the place with my hormones, and I went total mama bear on Cayson when he came over. Afraid the kids would fall in love with him, and he’d disappear again.”
“You were protecting them,” I murmured in understanding.
“But I didn’t help the situation,” she argued. “And their mom . . .” Savannah’s saddened stare met mine. “She’s in this horribly torn place of both believing them and not. She can’t bring herself to accept that her perfect, amazing husband could be the person they’re describing. At the same time, she’s agonizing over never noticing that Cayson was going through all that. Hating herself for never being there to protect him. So, she has fully retreated from the rest of them—Beau has too—and it’s worse than before.”
“But, it’s true?”
“All of it,” she said numbly. “All these years, we’ve thought Hunter was just being selfish and trying to hurt everyone by keeping the orchard to himself. But after what you said and with what he knew, I think he was protecting Sawyer.”
I found myself nodding even though I was trying like hell to force all thoughts of Hunter from my mind. Trying to make myself think of absolutely nothing.
“Why’d you do it, Madi?” Savannah asked suddenly.
When I met her stare, tears were filling her eyes.
“Leaving. Removing him from your life. Removing me?” The last was said through gritted teeth and was full of so much pain. “Why didn’t you ever come back until now? And not that I’m not thrilled because I am, but why are you back?”
“I did come home once.” My voice lacked all emotion as I stared into my half-full mug.
I wasn’t sure if it made me a coward that I couldn’t face Savannah as I admitted this. But I couldn’t continue looking at the unusual mixture of pain and judgment and understanding on her face.
As if she had never once agreed, and maybe still didn’t, but wanted to understand. Wanted to be there for me anyway.
“I was dating this guy, we hadn’t been dating all that long.” I lifted a shoulder. “Or, I dunno, maybe it had been an appropriate amount of time. Maybe it just didn’t feel long because I didn’t think it would turn into anything. Because it wasn’t him.”
I swallowed roughly a few times and then had to take a sip of my coffee before continuing. “Anyway, he asked me to marry him, and I panicked. I didn’t respond at all, I just turned around and got in my car. I drove straight to the airport and caught the first flight to Dallas. Found the one company that would let me rent a car and drove straight to my parents’ house because I smelled terrible and had been crying. For some reason, it was so important to me that the first time I saw Hunter again, I looked my best.”
A self-deprecating laugh left me.
Hunter Dixon had seen me at my absolute worst. And, after years, I doubted he would’ve cared what I looked like. But it mattered at that moment.
“My parents were so shocked when I ran into the house. I barely managed to yell why I was there as I ran to my room. But my mom followed me in and told me that Hunter was in the Army. In Kansas. Engaged.”
A wounded noise rose in Savannah’s throat.
“I left right then,” I muttered. “I don’t think I was even in the house for more than a minute.”
“But you’d left years before and refused him so many times,” Savannah reminded me gently.
At that, my eyes finally drifted back to hold hers. “I had to.”
She looked at me questioningly, but the truth of those years was sitting in my throat, jumbled and choking me.
And it would stay there.
Those years were full of too much resentment and shame. They were full of too much pain and regret.
“I went back to Seattle and told my boyfriend yes. Almost five months later, we got married.”
Savannah nodded after a beat of hesitation, a smile that looked forced and pained pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Congratulations.”
“His name’s Raf . . . Rafael,” I amended quickly. “Preto.” My lips twisted into a smile. “It means Black in Portuguese.”
A sharp laugh burst from her. “Seriously?”
“That’s actually how we met,” I said with a dip of my head. “Some of my girlfriends and I showed up for a reservation. I said, ‘I called ahead for Black.’ Then he kind of just slipped in from nowhere, jokingly saying, ‘I know you aren’t trying to steal my reservation.’ When I turned, he just looked at me for a second, then said, ‘Or, we can forget the reservations, and I’ll take you on a real date.’”
“He didn’t.” Savannah scoffed, rolling her eyes even as she smiled. “Cheesy.”
“Completely. I mean, he was incredibly attractive—like, too attractive for his own good. But I told him I had no idea what he was talking about and started turning back around. He said, ‘I’m the guy whose table you’re trying to steal.’ So, I bit. Gave him an amused look and said, ‘If your last name really is Black, I’ll let you take me on that date . . . tomorrow.’”
I lifted a shoulder as I recalled what happened next. “He showed me his license and held up a finger, silently asking me to wait. Looking all kinds of victorious as he pulled out his phone. Then he translated it.”
“And you went on the date.”
“I went on the date,” I confirmed.
“Where is he while y’all are here?” Savannah asked as if she knew he wouldn’t be joining Avalee and me.
I rubbed at my chest, at the flare of betrayal and pain there. “I don’t know. He’s probably at training right now.” I met her confused stare and explained, “He’s a professional soccer player—plays for Seattle.”
“Oh wow,” she breathed. “That’s awesome.”
I made a humming noise, my brows lifting unconvincingly. “Yeah. His dad was too. He played for Brazil before he retired and they moved to the U.S. They’re really good.”
“And you’re unhappy, Madi,” she said gently, warmly.
The breath that left me was heavy and pained and shook with my anger. “Raf had an away game. I used to go with him whenever I could, but I hadn’t in a long time—it’d been hard to just up and go ever since Avalee was born. But things between us had been kind of . . . I dunno. And he’s been stressing over contract stuff with the team, so his parents agreed to watch Avalee so I could surprise him.”
Savannah’s eyelids fluttered shut as she mouthed, “Oh no,” as if she already knew what I was about to say next.
“When he came back to the room, he had a girl with him. Attached to him like a suckerfish. They didn’t even know I was there until their clothes were already coming off, and I was finally able to figure out how to speak.” My face creased with shame as I admitted, “Scream. I screamed.”