Cayson gave a slow nod, his first form of response since I’d begun.
“It’s the first time we’ve acted like a couple. If that’s even what we are . . . I dunno, we aren’t putting a label on it. Just figuring it out as we go. But that rush of needing her every second because this stage we’re in is new mixed with the comfort of having been with her in one way or another for so long. And it felt right.” I lifted a hand and breathed out a sigh. “You asked if she knows . . . I don’t know.”
Confusion swirled through his features. “What?”
“I mean, I’m positive she knows I love her. I’m pretty damn sure she knew before I realized it. But I haven’t told her.”
“Has she told you?” he asked after a moment. When I shook my head, he breathed out a heavy sigh. “And you said she knows Madison is back?”
My gaze pulled toward the house as if she’d be standing there. “Yeah. Told her this morning.”
Cayson didn’t ask, but I could feel the unspoken questions in the air.
Wondering what all I’d told her.
What she’d said.
What happened next . . .
“It’s the first time she’s shut down on me like that. Not wanting to fight. Not wanting to talk. Trying to hide everything from me in a way that isn’t like her at all.” I dragged a hand over my jaw and swallowed the fear that built in my throat. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do—I don’t know what to do. I told her Madison was married, but Izzy and I both know this still changes everything. Madison coming back set a bomb off in that house, and it blew us back to where we began.”
“If you let it.”
A bitter huff fell from my lips. “There was no stopping it.”
Tension filled the cab, growing thicker and louder as the minutes passed. Knew a lot of it was coming from my brother. Sitting there silently, trying to rein in his disapproval with what I was telling him.
“If that’s the case,” Cayson finally murmured, part disappointment, part sympathy, “what are you doing with Isabel?”
“I told you, I love her. Izzy—” I forced my mouth closed and fought with the mess of wants and needs jumbling up my thoughts. With a steadying breath, I said, “The thought of losing her makes it hard to breathe. But you saw me. I see Madison and lose sight of practically everything else because that’s my—”
“You need to really stop and think about what comes next there,” he said gruffly. “Because one of those girls is married, the other is your girlfriend. You don’t wanna be that guy.”
My head bobbed slowly. “I don’t know how not to go after Madison,” I muttered. “That girl has always owned me. That’s the one thing about her that hasn’t changed.”
“Look, I’m gonna be straight with you. If it was just a matter of Isabel and Madison, that would be bad enough, but you would have a chance to figure it out. A chance without cheating on Isabel,” he added gravely.
My jaw ticked at the implication. “I never said I was gonna cheat on Izzy. Think I’m hurting her enough without that, don’t you?”
His chest pitched with a mocking laugh. “Right, except I’ve had to physically hold you back the two times you’ve seen Madison. And you’re sure as shit making it sound like cheating’s inevitable.”
“How the hell did you get that from anything I’ve said?” I snapped.
“You’re talking about loving Isabel and not wanting to lose her. In the next breath, you’re saying you lose sight of everything else when Madison’s around. That you can’t stay away from her—that she owns you. What the hell am I supposed to think?”
“You’re supposed to know that I wouldn’t do that to someone,” I shot back. “I’m trying to figure out how to navigate this. What I’m gonna do when I feel so fucking torn and this was never supposed to happen.” I gestured toward the house. “I’m going out of my mind trying to find a way not to hurt the woman I love any more than I already have, while the one who owns my goddamn heart is standing within my reach for the first time in years. But not once did it cross my mind to cheat on Izzy. So, fuck you, Cayson.”
He stared at me for a while, dark brows pulled low and working his jaw as he waited for my tirade to dissipate.
Neither of us spoke.
Neither of us left.
We just sat there, silently seething.
“All right, heard,” he ground out and tipped his chin up in a nod. “But . . . say you figure out the situation with Isabel and Madison—decide even. And it’s Madison. You forget that she has a husband? You dismissing it?”
One of his brows ticked up when my gut-wrenching pain burst out of me and filled the truck, mixing with the anger and disappointment.
“’Cause I promise you, Hunter . . . you don’t wanna be that guy either.”
I watched Cayson pull away after more arguing and a hell of a lot of defending on my part. Both of us going around and around without ever really finding common ground.
Eventually, he’d sighed in defeat and said, “There’s no winning for you. But I’m here for you. No matter what you decide. No matter what you do.”
Guess I couldn’t really ask for much more than that.
He was right . . . there was no winning.
On one side, I’d lose the girl I’d spent my life waiting for—the girl I knew I was meant for. Stepping into my life again like an answered prayer and the cruelest kind of tease.
On the other, I’d lose Izzy after finally finding where we were supposed to be. Finally getting in sync after we’d spent so long fighting what was there.
From the ache ripping through me, I wasn’t sure I could handle either.
The thought of losing them both? Fuck.
I felt weighed down and lost as I headed into the house, my eyes automatically shifting toward the kitchen. My ear trained that way.
Hoping to get a glimpse of Izzy. Hoping to hear something coming from the office tucked behind the kitchen.
But it was silent and so damn still.
If the silence hadn’t been laced with her own pain and unknowns, I would’ve thought she’d gone home. But I could feel her the same as I had been able to for the past ten years.
I kicked off my shoes and slipped out of my socks by the door, then started toward the kitchen, pulling my shirt over my head as I did.
My gaze caught on the stove’s clock as I let my shirt fall to the floor, my steps faltering when I saw it was barely ten. I couldn’t process how so much had happened in only a few hours that morning.
But it made me feel even more exhausted.
The closer I got to the office, the heavier her pain saturated the air. Making it harder to breathe. Making me wish I could take it all away while knowing full well that I would never take away Madison coming back into my life.
When I rounded the corner, my shoulders fell with the breath that left me.
For a few seconds, I just studied her as she sat there, staring blankly ahead. Binder open in her lap and pencil in hand. Computer screen dark from lack of use.
Stepping into the office, I reached out and placed the tips of my fingers on her shoulder, absorbing the jolt that went through her.