“Can I feed him?” I asked excitedly.
Savannah paused, a look of wonder crossing her face before she gave a little laugh. “Sorry. Sorry, you just sounded so much like you used to that it brought me back to high school for a second.”
My expression faltered as my chest ached with sadness and longing. “You’re not the first person to say something along those lines today.”
“Sorry, that’s . . .”—she waved a hand through the air—“so rude. You’re going through a lot right now. You have every right to be however you wanna be. You could scream and cry on the floor, and I would make us drinks and dish up some epic sundaes while wishing for terrible things to happen to Raf’s dick.”
A startled laugh burst from me. “I might take you up on that.”
But as before with Emberly, I wasn’t sure Savannah was right. I was going through a lot, absolutely. But I wasn’t sure I had been the girl they were talking about since I’d shattered my heart and walked away from Hunter.
Levi shrieked impatiently, pulling my focus back to him. I feigned a gasp and gave him an animated expression. “How dare I take my attention off you for even a second,” I said in all soft affection before looking to Savannah again. “Can I?”
“Please,” she said quickly as she handed the bowl and baby spoon over to me, her head shaking as if she’d just remembered she’d been cradling the food to her chest. “This momma will take what she can get.”
I leaned in close to Levi like we were having a secret conversation. “You give your momma a hard time?”
He gave a big belly laugh, then greedily grabbed for the bowl in my hands as he babbled, “Momma,” over and over again.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” I muttered as I offered him a tiny spoonful.
When I glanced at Savannah, her knowing look said it all. Then she lifted her hand with three fingers raised.
I suppressed a laugh. “You love it.”
“I do,” she said softly. “I do, but there are some days I think I’m asleep before I ever get in bed.”
I understood that, and I only had one.
A smile tugged at my lips as I made a chomping sound when Levi took another bite. The little guy was just too precious. “Does Beau help out with the kids?” I asked hesitantly, my body tensing instinctively.
“Oh my God, yeah.” Her head shook, her eyes distant as if she’d gone somewhere else. “Those kids changed him, Madi, you wouldn’t believe it.”
The spoon was suspended in the air as I watched her. My surprise and disbelief were evident in the breath that burst from me. “Really?”
She met my stare again and rolled her eyes. “I mean, he’s still Beau. He’s still angry as hell and a surly bastard. But when I had Quinn . . . I dunno, he’s just different. He keeps himself in check in a way he was never able to before.”
“That’s great, Savannah,” I said softly, maybe a little uncertainly, then jolted when Levi let out another squeal of impatience. “Goodness, mister.”
An affectionate laugh tumbled from Savannah. “I think he’s probably changed as many diapers as I have. Once he gets home, he’s super involved since he isn’t here during the day. Makes sure he takes over.” I saw her shrug from the corner of my eye. “He’s great with them.”
“And you?”
She snorted. “When has he ever not been great with me?”
“True,” I muttered.
It was everyone else Beau had a problem with.
“He was really angry.” It all came out so soft and cautious that it pulled my gaze to her for a second before I focused on Levi again.
But that second was enough to see the change in her.
The sadness. The desperate wondering. The deep pain.
“With you,” she added, almost as if she’d just realized she’d stopped speaking.
And I prayed she didn’t notice my quick intake of breath. The way my body stiffened.
“Angry when you left,” she continued. “Even more furious when I realized you’d shut me out because he could see how much it hurt me.”
I clenched my jaw to stop the trembling that began there. Struggled to think of anything but the grief and regret that stemmed from that time in my life. Prayed we could continue the way we had all day—reminiscing and catching up. Not delving into a past that needed to stay buried.
After Hunter and Cayson left, Savannah had come back in as I’d been reminding Avalee that we were not here to see the sad-mads man. That she couldn’t just go running up to him, asking if he wanted to learn to dance. Especially since he was a stranger to her.
Picking up on the mood, Savannah had effortlessly helped steer the conversation away. Talking about Seattle and Blossom Bed and Breakfast and our kids . . . really, everything but Hunter Dixon and my leaving.
Until then.
“Why did you shut me out?” she nearly begged.
I swallowed and then swallowed again, trying furiously and vainly to move the lump of emotion that had settled in my throat as I focused on feeding her son.
When I was sure I could speak clearly, when my eyes were no longer burning with the threat of tears, I said, “You know why, Savannah.”
“I really don’t.” The harshness of her response made me falter in scooping out the last spoonful of Levi’s food.
Once I’d given it to him and was cleaning up his smiling face, I glanced her way. “You told Hunter where I went. He kept showing up and destroying us over and over again.”
“So, you blocked me and the rest of our friends—everyone in Amber? Made it impossible for anyone to reach out to you?” She lifted her hands in exasperation before letting them fall. “And why wouldn’t I tell him, Madi? You left with barely a word, and what you did say was confusing and alarming as hell. If you hadn’t told Hunter yourself, I would’ve sworn you’d been kidnapped.”
She glanced around when her voice clearly came out sharper than she’d intended, making sure the kids weren’t around. Then gathered up Levi and cooed at him, babbling, “Momma,” as she got him set up in a sit-and-play activity center in the living room where we could still see him.
As soon as she started back to me, she continued, voice low and twisted with pain. “Those boys have always been like my family, and Hunter was hurting—of course I told him where you were.”
I swallowed thickly as that summer burst behind my eyelids in vivid, horrible colors. “You were unnecessarily hurting us even more.”
“I was trying to help y’all,” she whispered, voice breaking with emotion.
“Savannah, I didn’t come back for a reason.” At the time, it’d felt like I couldn’t without destroying everything.
“What reason? What happened when he followed you?”
My head listed to the side. “Didn’t Hunter tell you?”
Her shoulders lifted in a sharp shrug. “He never told us about any of it. Just came home more upset and distant each time.”
Pulling my feet onto the chair, I wrapped my arms around my knees. Trying anything to help ease the way it felt like my stomach was falling to the floor.
“Um . . .” I licked my lips, my stare drifting to the bay windows on the other side of the table. My eyes unfocused as I was once again pulled back to that summer. To that year. “He just kept asking why,” I murmured. “Kept begging me to talk to him. To not end things.”