The air fled from my lungs on a pained wheeze. My shoulders caved, but I managed to stay upright at the crucial blow.
“I think I’ve been waiting for the girl I knew to come back. For us to pick up where we left off. But you came back someone else entirely,” he continued as if he hadn’t just slain me. “And at the same time . . . I know you. I see you, and I fucking crave you. My heart tries to pound out of my goddamn chest because it recognizes yours. Nothing about you is the same, and yet, everything that matters is. And in the middle of that and what I already have going on in my life . . . I’m struggling because I don’t know how to get over your leaving. Not when I don’t know the reason why.”
Oh.
I shakily brushed my partially wet hair away from my face, nodding as his words replayed in my head and filled my soul. “Where does that leave us right now?” I asked cautiously.
His response was delayed and rough. “I don’t know.” He dragged a hand over his face before finally meeting my stare. Eyes piercing and searching in the dark of the cab. “There’s a part of me that doesn’t wanna leave this spot or you. There’s another that wants to take you home.”
From the way his voice lowered and the tension between us snapped like a live wire, I knew the home he was referring to wasn’t the one we were parked in front of. Desire curled through me, and my body ached at the promise within those words.
“But I know I should let you go.”
The finality of his hushed statement had a lump forming in my throat. But I forced myself to hold his stare when I asked, “Forever?”
His head moved in slow, faint shakes. “Tonight.”
“That might be for the best,” I agreed despite how my body and my soul begged me to stay there. To soak up every second with him.
I reached behind me for the handle, my mouth parted to say goodnight, when he said, “Come over. Tomorrow, or whenever you want. The animals . . . if your daughter would like that. Or come over just to be there.”
Hesitation seeped from me as my stare automatically shifted to my old bedroom window where Avalee was sleeping.
Things with Hunter were confusing enough for all the reasons I’d laid out earlier. Our past, my current situation with Raf, and—as Hunter had so aptly put it—trying to navigate the craving and irrefutable love I had for him. But to bring Avalee around him? Especially when she thought we were in Amber for Hunter, and she wasn’t understanding what was happening between her dad and me?
“All right, clearly, that’s a bad idea,” Hunter said quickly, backtracking.
“It’s complicated,” I said softly, meeting his guarded expression.
“What about this entire situation isn’t?”
“I know, but Avalee’s . . .” A heavy exhale punched from my lungs as I thought about that girl. “She’s struggling to grasp what’s happening with Raf and me. I’ve tried talking to her about it so many times, and in her mind, it’s only because he’s in Washington, and we’re currently in Texas. She seems to get it, then a minute later, she shrugs and says, ‘It’s okay. You can be together again when we go home.’” I gave Hunter a helpless look and then let my stare fall away as pain for my daughter washed over me.
“Damn, Mads,” he murmured softly. “She doesn’t know—wait, what does she think when the other woman is there with her dad? Didn’t you say she was there tonight?”
“Yes.” An irritated breath left me when I remembered what Madelyn had so carelessly said in front of my daughter. “Avalee just referred to her as the real pretty lady. I don’t think it ever crossed her mind to wonder why she was there with Raf. But that’s another part of it,” I added on quickly. “I just told Raf that Madelyn isn’t allowed near our daughter. So, to bring Avalee around you after setting that boundary with Raf?”
“Or at all with the shit y’all are going through,” he whispered in understanding. His head was moving faintly when I looked up at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think—”
“Hunter, you didn’t know.”
He watched me for a while before saying, “If you want—if you think that’s something she’d enjoy—y’all can come over anytime. I’ll make sure I’m not there.”
A startled laugh left me. “I’m not gonna do that to you.”
One of his shoulders lifted. “Offer’s there, Mads. You don’t have to do anything with it.”
“I appreciate it. Really,” I said after a moment, affection swirling through me. “But unless you’re there, I don’t have a reason to be.”
That connection between us shifted, growing from the steady thrum I was already aching to give into. And I knew with one look, it would turn into a wild storm that would be impossible to resist.
As much as I wanted to give in again, the night had already been so much. Such impossible highs and crushing lows, and we needed to breathe. We needed room to think and process.
Or, at least, I did.
Besides, getting caught by a deputy was mortifying enough. I wasn’t sure I could handle getting caught by my parents—no matter my age.
“I should go,” I whispered, voice strained as I popped the handle. “And I don’t think you should walk me to the door.”
“Why not?” he asked, brows pulled together in confusion and concern.
“Because that could turn dangerous very quickly.” From the heat that filled his eyes, that possibility only made him want to come with me even more. But I just offered him a wicked little smile and climbed out. “Thanks for the drive.”
I felt his eyes on me as I hurried through the lightening rain.
The sensation had wings taking flight in my stomach. Had me feeling like I was floating. Had me aching to turn around and go back to him. But I forced myself onto the porch and through the front door. Letting out a shaky breath once I was inside and pressed up against it. My heart running wild in a pattern that had always belonged solely to Hunter Dixon. My lips curling up wistfully as the night played out in flashes before me. His words and his touch and his scent that followed me through getting ready for bed and well into sleep.
Felt like I was riding some high I didn’t want to come down from. At the same time, I was spiraling.
Heart twisting.
Aching.
Fucking shredding as I got out of my truck and slowly made my way over to the porch steps.
I could still feel her body in my hands and her mouth against mine. Her tongue moving in teasing strokes that nearly had my eyes rolling back just at the memory of it. Could hear her laugh ringing in my ear as we’d danced. See her bright, uninhibited expression that’d had my blood pounding out a fierce rhythm.
Mine, mine, mine.
I wanted it all again. And then again and again for-fucking-ever. Needed it more than I could explain even to myself.
But as I stepped into my house, grief ripped through me and had me reaching for the wall. The part of my heart that belonged to Isabel had me moving in the opposite direction of my room. Toward the kitchen and through it until I was walking down the hall to her office.
Like she might be there when I knew she wasn’t.
I stopped in the doorway, unable to make myself go any farther, and sagged against the frame. My eyelids slipping shut as Izzy’s scent and our past overwhelmed me and ripped at my soul. As guilt settled deep and heavy in my gut.