Her face creased in a way that was so Savannah—all teasing affection. “Trust me, you don’t wanna be anywhere near this guy’s diapers. I’ll be back in a minute,” she called over her shoulder as she headed for the stairs.
I watched them for a moment before heading for the kitchen, my steps sluggish as the weight of that morning and what that evening would bring bore down on me.
But no sooner had I stepped through the large archway than I was grabbed and hauled into the far corner of the kitchen.
My gasp caught in my throat when a pair of midnight-blue eyes filled my vision. All rage and contempt with the slightest thread of fear as they narrowed on me. The anger rolling from him making it hard to breathe as ice-cold fingers wrapped around my lungs and squeezed.
I struggled to remember when he’d come home the last time we were there and why he would be home then. But in that moment, I couldn’t do much more than look danger straight on and try to show him I wasn’t afraid.
“Get your hand off me,” I said, the demand nothing more than a pathetic rasp.
“I told you not to come back,” he seethed as he released me.
“And who gave you the right to tell me what to do?”
“You did,” he said in a low warning. “You stay gone, I don’t say anything. Remember?”
“Again, thirteen years ago,” I argued, reminding him of our last conversation.
“It doesn’t fucking change anything, Madison.”
My jaw trembled despite how fiercely I was clenching it. “Then tell them,” I said in defeat.
A sharp breath left him. His eyes widened for a split second before darting to the side where they lingered.
But that utter panic had been unmistakable. His quickening breaths were impossible to miss.
“I am leaving,” I said slowly, softly, and his head snapped back to me. His eyes narrowing in suspicion and anger. “But I am coming back. I plan to move back one day. You cannot stop me, and you cannot keep me from Savannah the way you’ve kept everyone else from y’alls lives.”
The tick of his jaw said that he disagreed.
“Fuck that agreement, and fuck you, Beau Dixon.” Before he had a chance to calm himself enough to respond, I slipped by him. My breaths coming in sharp, jagged bursts as I struggled to make my lungs work. My body shaking and shaking from the adrenaline and fear coursing through me as I headed for the coffee, passing where Beau must have been finishing up making lunch.
Oh.
I’d just finished pouring a second cup for Savannah when she came in with Levi.
Beau hadn’t moved.
She took one look at him, her eyebrows drawing close together before she glanced my way. “Is he being rude again?”
I headed for the fridge to grab the creamer, shrugging as I went.
Savannah tsked. “Which means yes.” She moved toward Beau, her expression all playful irritation as she bumped her hip against his leg. “Be nice.”
He gently took Levi from her, holding the baby against his chest with one hand while brushing his knuckles across her jaw with the other. “I’m always nice,” he murmured before shooting a cold glare in my direction as he grabbed his plate and left the kitchen.
“Such a bear,” Savannah said, watching in the direction he’d left. “I’m worried about him.”
I glanced toward the archway Beau had disappeared through at her hushed confession, then looked at Savannah again. My body tensing instinctively as hate- and fear-fueled arguments with Beau played in my mind. “What, why?”
Her lips twisted as she thought, and then she was leaning closer to me as she whispered, “Remember when I told you about their dad and Cayson, and how Beau stopped talking to everyone after finding out?”
I nodded as some of the tension eased from my muscles, and wondered what this had to do with the way he’d just acted, considering it wasn’t any different from how he’d been growing up.
“He’s afraid.”
I would’ve laughed at the idea of Beau being afraid if I hadn’t seen it before. Even just minutes before.
I glanced at my mug and asked, “Afraid of what?”
“The way their dad was—the way Cayson described it and how their dad said he’d wished Cayson would be more like Beau—well, Beau’s afraid he’s like their dad. Cayson thinks he might’ve been like Beau growing up, but then he hid it from everyone else and just unleashed it on Cayson.”
“Does Beau agree?”
Savannah watched me for a while before nodding. “I mean, Beau isn’t like that,” she said quickly. “What their dad did to Cayson—that isn’t Beau. You know that. But he’s disgusted with his dad, and he’s terrified he’s gonna turn into him one day.”
“That isn’t . . .” My head moved in slow shakes. “That wouldn’t happen.”
“I know,” she said softly. “I’ve tried telling him that, but I don’t think he’s handling it well.” She looked at the empty archway again before meeting my stare. “For the first week or so after we found out, he kept his distance from the kids, and it broke my heart. But every night, I found him in one of their rooms. Just sleeping on the floor, right inside the doorway. Like he was protecting them even though, in his mind, they needed protection from him.”
“Oh my gosh,” I breathed. My chest aching for Beau even though minutes before, I’d wanted to scream at him.
“And things had already been strained with his brothers. But he said something about not wanting to see the look on their faces when they realized he was just like their dad.” She let her hands flop onto the counter. “That’s when he shut everyone out.”
“That’s . . .” My mouth parted as I struggled for words. “That’s so much to deal with, and it’s worse because none of that is true.”
“I know.”
“Is he doing better with the kids now? Being around them—I mean, he just took Levi.”
“Yeah.” She waved in the direction they’d gone. “He went back to how he’d always been with them, but he still talks to me about it. How he’s more afraid of getting mad than ever. When we found out, and he started shutting down, I stopped joking with him and teasing him about his anger the way I always have.”
“Makes sense,” I said encouragingly when she didn’t go on.
“I was trying to help him. I’d never seen him like that, and I just wanted to be there for him. But I’ve never regretted anything so much.” Her eyes immediately filled with tears, her voice wavering as she continued. “He noticed. He knew it was because I didn’t want to push him. And he looked right at me and asked if I was afraid of him.” A few tears slipped free when she said, “I’ve never been afraid of that man in my life.”
“Oh, Savannah . . . I’m sorry.” I reached for her hand as she struggled to collect herself.
“So, when I came in and saw him just standing there, trying to calm himself down, I wanted to let it go. But he needs normalcy. He needs me to treat him the way I always have.”
“But you’re still worried about him,” I whispered in understanding.
Her golden eyes drifted to the side as she thought. “I’ve never seen Beau so afraid of himself. Since before we got married, he’s kept himself in check. He’s absolutely terrified of losing control because he knows it means losing me.”