I turned only to come to an abrupt stop when I found her standing there, looking stunned at my outburst.
“Hunter—”
“I can’t lose you.”
Her shoulders caved with a pained breath. “I can’t be here, seeing y’all together.”
I held my arms out to my sides as if to show that Madison wasn’t there. Izzy already knew she’d left.
“You know what I mean.”
“I’m sorry,” I managed to say around the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry I did that to you. But you said you were done with Dixon. You told me you weren’t coming back, and you didn’t show the next day.” My chest was pitching with exaggerated, futile breaths as I looked helplessly at her. “How the hell was I supposed to prevent you from seeing us together when I wasn’t expecting you to show up?”
“That’s exactly it. It’s your house, you shouldn’t have to worry about me or those situations,” she choked out. “I came back because I thought I could handle it. I thought I was strong enough to be what you need and be here. But I’m not.”
Panic rose inside me and dragged me down until it felt like I was drowning.
“Not when I can feel you.” She gestured to her chest before letting her hands fall heavily. “Not when I can feel exactly how much you still love me even as this house fills with your pain and the way you’re breaking over her because she’s—” A muffled sob tumbled from her, her shoulders sagging. “She’s your Dean, Hunter.”
I had her face cradled in my hands and my forehead to hers before I knew I was moving. My thumbs brushing across her cheeks as mumbled apologies fell from my lips.
I got it . . . how I was supposed to let her go.
Because holding on to her, keeping her there, would ruin her. Slowly take away her spark and destroy what made her Isabel.
All I’d ever wanted was for her to find the person she was meant to be with. Someone who only saw her. Someone who could fully appreciate her feisty spirit without a past haunting them.
I just hadn’t expected to fall in love with her along the way.
She wrapped her fingers around my wrists but didn’t pull my hands away or try to push me back. Just stood there, letting me hold her for a while longer. Wrapped up in our heartache as I wondered what the point of this was.
I’d known, I’d always known Madison was supposed to be my future. I’d never faltered in that knowledge.
So, what was the point of giving me the best friend I’d ever had—of letting us fall in love with each other—only to put the girl who would always be my everything back in my life?
“Forgive me,” I breathed, earning a dejected laugh from Isabel.
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
The searing pain in my chest and weight in my stomach said otherwise.
“What can I do?” I asked as I stepped away from her. “I have to let you do what’s best for you—I know that. But putting you out of a job on top of everything else?” My head moved in faint shakes as I roughed a hand through my hair. “Izzy, I can’t do that.”
She sucked in a breath to respond, but held it for a few seconds instead and then slowly released it. Her face crumpling before she composed it. “Okay.” She swept the tips of her fingers across her cheeks, nodding resolutely even though her voice shook when she continued. “Okay. You put my office where it is for a reason. So that if I ever left, whoever took my place could come and go without really having to enter the house or disturbing you if you were here. So, I think we should make use of that.”
Avoiding Isabel was one thing. One incredibly difficult thing. Being in the same space as her and pretending she wasn’t there? Fuck . . .
But for her, I knew I would.
“When Madison comes back . . .” Her throat shifted with her forced swallow. “I think we’ll need to have a conversation about me finding a new job.”
I ground my jaw and forced back every response that formed on my tongue as I gave her a firm nod.
“Okay then,” she whispered. Her stare moved over me, the action so slow and so filled with pain that it was impossible not to realize that she was trying to commit this moment and me to memory.
And it about broke me. About made me say a dozen things to make her change her mind. About made me reach for her. Grab her. Push her up against the wall and convince her to stay even though we both knew there would always be someone else who owned me, heart and soul.
“I should get back to work,” she said and took a step away. After another step, she glanced back at me. “You gonna tell her?”
“About us?” At her humming confirmation, I nodded. “When she comes back.”
If she even gave me a chance to.
“Good. She deserves that.” The corners of her mouth tilted up in a brief, sad smile. “It was one of the things I appreciated and respected about you the most. You never lied to me, even if it was hard to hear. It made me trust you in everything. It gave me a sense of comfort and stability in you. Like I never had to worry about anything with you, long before I fell for you.”
“Izzy . . .”
“Even with this,” she said, head bobbing absentmindedly. “Even when she came back. It wrecked my world and, somehow, I still knew I didn’t have to worry because you would figure it out. You wouldn’t purposefully hurt me.” She gestured behind me as if Madison would be there. “Give her that.”
I nodded.
It was all I could do as I watched her turn and walk away from me.
I glanced down as I let one of the marble-sized peaches fall later that week. My hand already reaching for another on the too-full branch as the rest of my skeleton and seasonal crew worked quickly in the trees around me. Thinning the branches so the peaches we left would grow big and ripe and perfect for the fast-approaching season.
My mind whirled with all the things weighing it down. What my hands were doing and how much of the orchard we had left. What still needed to be done at Cayson and Emberly’s ranch before he came home in a couple nights. The permanent ache that had taken residence in my heart that beat out in time with Izzy’s name. The searing pain that went hand in hand with my overwhelming fear that I’d destroyed everything with Madison.
All of it on a constant, destructive loop.
That message from Madison the other day? The one I’d received as I pulled up to find Izzy interviewing people for her job? With all the pain from what went down with Isabel, I’d forgotten about it until after I’d gotten to Cayson and Emberly’s ranch that evening and had grabbed my phone to text her. Same as I had every night since she’d left.
And then I’d read it . . .
Madison: You’ve avoided it, and so have I, I guess. Trapped ourselves in this horrible, deafening dance that gets louder each day. But I can’t keep pretending what happened that morning didn’t. And I don’t think you want to keep pretending you trust me or that you’ve forgiven me. There’s a lot we need to talk about, Hunter. Until then, let’s just stop pretending.
When I’d called, she hadn’t answered. When I’d texted, she hadn’t responded.
I’d lost it.