“That . . . might . . .”—Emberly looked around at everyone before her attention landed back on me, her expression falling with remorse—“be kinda difficult.”
Something cold gripped at my chest as her words and tone seeped in. “Meaning?”
“Your birthday?” She swallowed slowly and then shared a look with Rae. “Rae and I were getting ready to leave for the house—gathering the drinks and cupcakes. Mrs. Black came into Brewed . . . she’d just gotten back from taking Madison to the airport.”
I stared at her. Waiting for her to continue or maybe waiting for my brain to catch up and realize I’d heard her wrong. Something.
But there was nothing.
Madison had left . . . again.
With a sharp nod, I turned and started for Cayson’s truck. Unable to offer my family anything more when I was seconds from breaking over a girl who had already shattered me.
Cayson climbed into the truck nearly a minute after I had. Cranking the engine as he asked, “You okay?”
“No, Cayson.” I pulled my hat lower and gripped the bill with my hand as my body went into survival mode.
My shredded heart. My racing mind. My aching soul.
Everything just shut the fuck down.
“I’m not okay.”
“When do you have to be there?” I asked, my attention snagging on the movers as they took a few more boxes away.
Avalee waved at them as she did every time they left her sight, giggling softly to herself once they were gone.
“Two days,” Raf answered as he caught Avalee’s attention and tossed a piece of chicken at her.
Her little giggle turned into a full belly laugh when it hit her cheek and tumbled to the kitchen island where she sat. “Daddy!”
“Ava,” he mocked.
My mouth curled into a brief smile before falling when I returned to getting Avalee’s lunch together. “And the guys . . . how did they take it?”
Raf was silent for a while as he moved around the kitchen, helping me. But I could feel his sadness.
We hadn’t talked about anything other than Avalee and necessities since I’d come back almost a week before. I hadn’t been in a place to talk to anyone really, and I think he’d sensed that.
Not that Madelyn would’ve let us. Anytime we had to be near each other, even just for Avalee’s sake, she’d made sure she was between us. Doing everything to make it as tense and uncomfortable as possible.
But Avalee and I were leaving today. So, when we’d shown up to have lunch with her dad before going, I’d counted it a small blessing that Madelyn hadn’t been there.
“It’s hard,” Raf finally said. “Those guys are my family.”
“I know,” I said softly.
“Daddy.” Avalee drew out his name as if he’d made a joke. “We’re your family.”
He snuck in for a kiss on her cheek, joining in with her soft laughter. “Of course you are.”
I slid Avalee’s plate over to her as one of the movers came back and looked from me to Raf. “We have two boxes left to load up before we head out. If someone could look over this and sign it?”
“They’re already done,” I whispered to Avalee, widening my eyes comically and pulling another laugh from her.
That.
Her laugh and her smile.
They were all that had gotten me through this week.
I hadn’t heard from Hunter or Savannah—not that I’d expected to. I’d called and texted Savannah countless times. And, Hunter . . .
I’d never felt so torn or broken in my entire life. Wondering if he’d decided to stop Isabel after all. If he’d realized he had made a mistake. If he hated me.
An endless loop that haunted my thoughts.
One I couldn’t figure out how to recover from.
“Madison.”
I looked up to find Raf a handful of feet away, worry written over every inch of him as he studied me.
He scratched at his head and turned toward Avalee. “Hey, how about you take your food,”—he grabbed her up in one arm and the plate in the other—“and pretend you’re having a picnic in the living room.”
Avalee gasped in excitement when he set her down. “Do you want to have a picnic with me?”
“Every day of my life,” he said with just as much excitement. “Need to talk to your mom first.”
“Okay, I’m going to wait for you!” she called out as she ran off.
“No,” he called back as I said, “You can eat, Avalee.”
When she yelled another, “Okay!” as if what we’d said changed nothing in her mind, Raf turned on me, expression somber.
“Madi . . .”
“What?”
He stepped closer, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “Madi, what the hell is in Texas, and what is it doing to you?”
I tried to straighten, but it felt like I crumpled. I tried to keep my expression neutral, but it felt like it was showing every ounce of pain and remorse and resentment coursing through my veins.
“You came back and were . . .” He forced out a sharp breath. “I don’t know. Distant. Not from me, but in everything. Like you weren’t mentally present. Then you went back for that day and, Madi, I’ve never seen you like this.” He gestured between us. “Considering the shit we’re going through? What I put you through?” He held out his hands before letting them fall.
“I’m fine.”
A disbelieving huff left him. “Bullshit. Why do you want to be there when it turns you into this?”
“Because that’s my home,” I finally managed to choke out. “That’s where I need to be.”
“You said it’s what was best for you and Ava, but I don’t see how when this is the result.” He held up a hand as if begging me to hear him out. “Why don’t the two of you just come to Dallas. I’ll find somewhere for—”
“No.”
“It’s still Texas. It’s close to your parents.”
“It isn’t Amber,” I argued softly. “Raf, no matter what happens, I have to be there. That’s where I feel like myself. That’s where we’re meant to be.”
“Yeah, and they have mean chocolate milk!”
Raf and I both jolted and turned to find Avalee standing not far away. “Picnic,” I said quickly.
She smiled as she bolted away, and I drew in a shuddering breath.
“What happened—what’s happening—is something I’ll have to deal with. But that’s the only place I wanna be.”
He gave a reluctant nod and started stepping away but stopped. His stare fell to the side as he seemed to war with himself before snapping back to me. “Can I ask something?” When I gave a faint shrug, he asked, “This something . . . is it the same reason you went back to Texas when I asked you to marry me?”
I hesitated for a moment before whispering, “Yeah, Raf.”
The corner of his mouth lifted, but there was something sad about the look. “Weird that that stings,” he mumbled and then gave a subdued laugh. “I mean, I knew. I told you that. But to see you this way and know it’s been there the whole time?”