No one has ever died of a broken heart.
Surely I won’t be the first.
Chapter 23
Zurielle
I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but the last few days keep catching up with me and knocking me on my ass. When I closed my eyes on the massive bed in the spare bedroom, I was alone. I’m not alone any longer. A male body is pressed against my back, his heavy arms wrapped around me like I’m his favorite teddy bear. Alaric. The steady rise and fall of his chest tells me that he’s sleeping still. Of course he’s here again, and of course we found each other in our sleep. Again. No matter how conflicted my heart is when it comes to this man, my body doesn’t have the same reservations.
I open my eyes to find Ursa lounging on the bed just out of reach, a laptop on her thighs and a pair of bright turquoise square glasses perched on her nose. She glances at me and keeps typing. “Good, you’re awake. You have a little time before we need to get ready.”
I shift, and Alaric’s arms tighten as if even in sleep he wants to keep me with him. “You left.”
“I needed to clear my head.” She clicks a few things on the laptop and shuts it carefully. “You left first, little Zurielle.” Her dark eyes take me in as if she can see right down to the very heart of me. “You don’t like the idea of what happens after this week is over.”
She says it like she already knows the answer, but what little pride I have left demands I not roll over for her. At least not in this. “I’ve only known you a few days. It would be very ill-advised if I wanted more than this week with you.”
“With both of us.” Again, Ursa states it as fact instead of a question. She reaches out and sifts her fingers through my hair. “If I kept you, it would change you, Zurielle. There’s no avoiding it.”
I stare up at her, fighting not to arch into her touch like a cat begging for pets. “Ursa.” I clear my throat and force myself to continue, to take courage from this quiet moment. “I’m already changed from the last two days.” When she glances away, I continue. “But I was going to change regardless. No one stays the same their entire lives. It’s just not how things work.”
“There are changes, and there are changes.” She sighs. “At the end of the day, my operations aren’t that much different than your father’s. Carver City appears to have the function of a normal city, but the territory leaders are the ones who rule in truth. And they don’t do it with kindness and charm. Power demands sacrifices, and I will continue to make those offerings while I hold this seat. I am not a good woman, not by any definition. But the people in my territory are safe from a number of threats because of the power I wield. I won’t give that up, not for anyone.”
I’m not sure if she’s arguing with me or just being really insistent that I go into this with eyes wide open. “My father lied to me. I won’t pretend that I’m thrilled to be part of a criminal empire, whether in Olympus or here, but that’s the crux of it—I was already participating and benefiting from a number of illegal activities, even if I wasn’t aware of it at the time.”
“I would point out that you not being aware of it makes it a very different situation.” She examines her nails, but the tension in her body gives lie to the absentminded motion. “And you have options beyond choosing between your father and myself.”
“My father isn’t an option at all.” Not because he wouldn’t take me back at this point. He wouldn’t. But it ultimately doesn’t matter what he thinks because I refuse to return to living that half life in his household. No matter what the future holds, Olympus isn’t an option for me any longer.
“Alaric cares for you.”
I blink at the apparent change of subject. “That’s up for debate.” He’s still relaxed at my back, which amuses me despite myself. Apparently Alaric is a heavy sleeper.
“No. It’s not.” Ursa finally looks up from her nails. “He would leave with you if you asked.”
I frown. I thought she was changing her mind about letting me stay, but this seems like it’s just a continuation of our earlier conversation. Like she’s feeling me out for what would be my best option forward in walking away.
Disappointment sinks its claws into me, and my voice wobbles a little when I finally manage to speak. “You already said that you’re not keeping me. You don’t have to be cruel.” When she raises her eyebrows, I keep talking. “Alaric loves you. He’s never leaving you. Not for me. Not for anyone else. You don’t have to stick that knife in and twist it. You couldn’t be clearer that you don’t want me. You don’t have to forcibly remind me that he doesn’t want me, either.”
Her expression softens. “Little Zurielle.” She cups my face with one hand and draws her thumb across my cheek and down my face. “Whether it’s wise or not, I intend to keep you.”
My breath stalls in my lungs. “What?”
She continues as if I haven’t spoken. “But the fact remains that I am not in the business of permanent captivity, no matter how fun it is to dabble in. A week is one thing. Long term is entirely another. If you stay, you will have to compromise some of those sterling traits you cling to so tightly.”
“What sterling traits?”
“Your innocence.” She traces my bottom lip. “Your righteous anger at everything your father’s business is. As I said, our businesses are not so different—then or now. Being a hypocrite isn’t a charming look.”
She’s being serious, so I give her words serious thought. What am I willing to compromise on? “Do you deal in human trafficking?”
Ursa makes a face. “No. It’s an untoward business on multiple levels, and I won’t have it in my territory.” She tilts her head to the side. “Actually, now that I think of it, all of the current territory leaders feel the same. How novel.”
That’s a relief. “And everything else?”
She shrugs. “I am not a saint. I’ve never lied and said otherwise.”
I can accept this and we can try, or I can refuse to and be done at the end of this week. If I were the good person I pretend to be, I would leave. I would start a new life and find someone normal and mundane to love. The thought leaves me cold.
Really, there’s no choice at all, and that tells me all I need to know. I am just as selfish and complicated as my father. It’s not enough for me to forgive him for all the lies and for him trying to control every part of my life, but a small part of me understands him. The high pedestal he put me on isn’t one I choose. I don’t know where I stand on so many things, because I haven’t had a chance to figure it out for myself. Not while I lived in my father’s gilded cage.
I might as well start now.
I want Ursa. I want her more than I have right to. From the moment I first saw her sitting in the back of that town car, I felt a connection I still can’t quite put into words. It’s stronger than ever now, thrumming between us so blatantly, it’s a wonder I can’t see it disturb the air. But there’s one thing I need to know before I say the words trying to fling themselves from my mouth. “What happened with you and my father?”