“Stop it, Alaric.”
“I haven’t done anything.”
She presses her hands to my chest but doesn’t put any force behind it. Still, there’s something akin to panic written across her features. “You have my body for the next five and a half days. Be content with that.”
“Zuri—”
“That’s enough, lover.”
Zuri wiggles out of my hold and practically launches herself from the bath. She accepts the towel Ursa wraps around her and then dodges her touch, too. “I’m going to take a shower in the spare room.”
“Wait, I—” I bite back the rest of my words at Ursa’s sharp look. We both watch Zuri stride out of the bathroom in silence. I start to stand, but Ursa motions me back down.
“You need a longer soak or you’re going to be even stiffer later.” She props her hip on the counter and looks down at me. “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“Don’t play coy with me. Last night, you couldn’t get away from her fast enough and now you’re practically begging for this to extend past the week. She didn’t change her feelings on this. You did. I was never going to let the girl drown once we were done with her and you know it.”
Yeah, I did know it. Ursa can be cruel and manipulative and downright vicious when the situation calls for it, but she doesn’t harm innocents for the sake of doing it. What we’ve done to Zuri can be called harm, though, so I don’t know where her line is any more. “I wanted you to say it. I know you’ll keep your word.”
“Do you?” She crosses her arms under her breasts. “I think you’re not being honest with yourself.”
“I’m always honest with myself.” Even to my ears, my protest sounds weak as hell.
“Tell me what you want, Alaric.” She says it quietly, a request more than a command.
Because of that, I’m helpless to resist. “I want you.” I swallow hard. “And I want to keep her.”
Ursa shakes her head, looking tired in a way I’ve never seen before. Tired in a way she’s never let me see. “You’re asking for the moon, lover. She might enjoy what we do, but she’s not for keeping. Not for people like us.”
My heart aches. I hold out my hand. “Join me?”
For a moment, I think she might say no, but she finally shrugs out of the robe and climbs into the bath with me, settling astride my lap. I draw her down for a kiss, and she allows it for a few beats before she leans back, kisses my forehead, and moves to the seat across from me. “Some things you can’t charm your way out of—or into. This situation is one of them.”
I want to fire back an argument, but I make myself slow down enough to consider her words. To consider what she has and hasn’t said. “You want to keep her, too.”
For the first time since I met her, Ursa won’t quite meet my eyes. “I meant what I said. That girl has been protected and cosseted her entire life. Even Triton knew enough to shield her from the darker aspects of what he does. She’d hate it here if we tried to keep her. She’d hate us.”
“You can’t know that.”
“I do know that.” She gives a smile that’s a shadow of her normal one. “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those that flourish in the shadows—and those that suffocate in them. We’re the former. That girl is the latter. Trying to keep her would be cruel and selfish, and I may be ruthless to a fault, but even I have to draw the line somewhere. She’ll walk from this with a good story about her dance on the dark side, and then she’ll return to the light and marry some nice normal person who doesn’t have an earned reputation for drowning her victims.” She looks at me. “And one who doesn’t lie, cheat, and steal in order to further his own goals.”
“Ouch.”
“I don’t say it to hurt you. I say it because it’s truth—for both of us.”
She’s not wrong, but… “That’s not the full story, though.” I lean forward and stroke her knees under the water. “If she were that sunny, she wouldn’t happily step to every line we draw in the sand. She’s fierce, Ursa. Fiercer than I could have imagined.”
She gives me a long look, something vulnerable lingering in her dark eyes. “Are you sure you aren’t saying you want to keep her, rather than we want to?”
I sit back abruptly. In all the time I’ve known Ursa, she’s never once shied away from what she wants, whether it’s people, possessions, or territory. She’s bold and ruthless, and if she dresses it up in a kind exterior, that just makes her better at accomplishing her goals. Why is she balking now? “You want her.” I say it slowly. “I see the way you look at her.”
“We’re not talking about me. You’re the one that follows her around with hearts in your eyes.”
I push down my instinctive urge to defend myself. No matter if I want to admit it or not, my feelings for Zurielle are complicated in the extreme. Realizing that she’s fiercer than I could have dreamed only makes them more complicated. Before, I felt bad for dragging a near-innocent into this mess, daughter of Triton or no. Now? She could be one of us. I know it, and if I know it, then Ursa’s already considered it. I don’t understand her hesitation.
“Surely you can see that she worships the ground you walk on.” I keep pressing, even when the set of Ursa’s shoulders warns me off. We have to talk about this. We have to talk about something beyond fucking. “She wants to stay, Ursa. What’s so wrong with letting this extend past a week?”
“That’s your problem, Alaric.” She stands abruptly, water cascading down her breasts and stomach and hips. She looks like Aphrodite emerging from the sea, and my body responds despite the fact that we’re in the middle of a careful non-argument. Even now, she’s holding me at a distance. The only change is that I am painfully aware of the space remaining between us. Will she ever let me in? I had assumed we’d slip into something resembling a normal relationship once I was free. Now I’m not so sure.
Ursa’s expression is that careful smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “You let selfish wants motivate you without thinking things through. You want her. You don’t care about her wants or needs in this situation, only yours. That’s always been your problem.”
I flinch. She’s not wrong, but in all my time of knowing her, she’s never cut me down verbally quite so neatly. Again, I can’t help pushing. I am as selfish as she claims, but she’s also dodging her feelings on this whole subject. She’s shutting me out and I hate it. “I never expected you to be a coward.”
Ursa steps out of the tub and dries off with one of her oversized fluffy towels. She doesn’t look at me as she takes her time rubbing lotion into her skin. It’s not until she’s shrugged back into her robe that she gives me her attention, as if she needs that little bit of barrier between us. It doesn’t make a damn bit of sense to me.
I’m right here. “Ursa, talk to me. Let me in.” I don’t really mean to blurt out the words, but I have the sudden fear that if she walks out of this conversation right now, it will harm something fragile in our fledgling relationship. “Please.”