Watching the dew that formed an aureole at the bottom of the window panes and trembled in the dawn light filtering through the leaves of a flowering camellia, he thought about Marlene, that strange creature who had stood before him, who had finally taken off her glasses and thrown her arms around his neck in accordance with the laws governing relations between brother-in-law and sister-in-law, and who had seemed even spacier to him than at their last, long-ago meeting, in another city, at another time—or anyway, no better.
In this house, he was the last to bed and the last one up, and things were not about to change. He didn’t like feeling alone, the silence hurt his ears and if it lasted too long, he had to stop himself from screaming—and there were others who were worse off, others who couldn’t hear a thing or had skulls crushed to a pulp, who sobbed like infants at the drop of a hat; he shouldn’t complain, just take some pills and roll with it. Ralph was a good example. He stood up to it even without his legs. Not very bright, but solid. Force of will.
Richard remembered dragging him to shelter, the remnants of his legs lost under the rubble, while an explosion disemboweled a wall behind them. In complete silence, while a cloud of dust enveloped them, a shower of debris rained down on their heads. And Ralph who seemed to be yelling at the top of his lungs, mouth twisted beyond recognition, eyes full of tears, but Richard didn’t hear a thing, the sound was off. He had never lived through anything so terrifying, as if he’d been ejected out of the world, and still today it was his worst nightmare.
It was just seven in the morning. For a moment, he thought of going back to bed. The sooner he got into a good rhythm, the sooner he’d fucking well forget about his stretch of time in the shadows—where he had gained twelve pounds, all bad fat.
He raised his eyes toward Nath, who was crossing the kitchen in her skimpies. She stationed herself in front of the window and asked with a yawn if he’d fallen out of bed.
He sniggered.
The backyard was barely emerging from the twilight in which a few thin patches of icy snow still shone, crystalline, while the horizon brightened in a sudden halo above the surrounding woods. Nath sighed. Her approaching forties were starting to make themselves felt. She moved aside to get out of the frame, eliminate her reflection in the glass.
Richard gazed at her a moment, then glanced at his watch and decided they didn’t have time. Drop me off on the way, he said to her. As she passed by within reach, he nonetheless extended a friendly hand toward his wife’s behind, which she adroitly dodged.
His arm was still reaching into the void when Marlene knocked on the windowpane. She was wearing a striped wool cap pulled down over her ears, and a slight white mist drifted from her mouth. He signaled for her to go around the house and went to open the door.
In the bedroom, Nath called that she’d be out in five minutes.
Take your time, Marlene called back, smiling at Richard, and she added for him alone, with an exaggerated wink, I’m not the one in charge here.
They’d had a fair amount to drink the night before, and Richard had come to Marlene’s defense when Nath had criticized her sister’s alcohol consumption. The episode had elicited some tension on both sides, especially since Nath wasn’t in the habit of being a killjoy for no reason—in the end she had simply given up, kept quiet about the pregnancy, and had given Marlene a jet-black look while raising a toast to her health.
The memory of the evening, of the conversation that had ended on the thought that people were old enough to know what was best and should mind their own beeswax, relaxed Richard. By and large, Marlene was proving less annoying than he’d feared, and if she didn’t come around too often, if she kept the necessary distance, he might be able to put up with her. And Nath would be grateful to him.
Coming back into the kitchen, he asked if she still conked out like that.
She vaguely shrugged. It happens now and then, she answered.
He looked at her for a moment without saying anything, as if pondering what she’d just told him.
Then Nath entered and they got into her car that smelled of wet dog. It was now completely light, sparrows were flitting about the sky, gathering in clusters on the power lines and bobbing together in the cool air. The radio announced fifty-seven degrees, slight wind, clear skies.
Nath stopped at the supermarket to get gas. Richard turned around to Marlene, whose eyes had been fixed on the back of his close-shaven neck. You used to be married, didn’t you, he said.
She drifted for a moment. Yes, once upon a time, she answered, and as Richard pensively shook his head, she added that it wasn’t worth talking about.
I see, he replied. It’s hard to find the right person.
He added to himself that you only needed to look around you, the old, the ugly, the wraiths leaning on shopping carts, the guys who hung around parking lots with a beer, a sandwich, and baleful eyes.
I think I wasn’t the right person, she sighed.
That could be too, he said.
HEART
Dan had spent a very bad night and had to dig deep into his reserves to finish his jog, cutting short his squats to take a double dose of aspirin. Ending the evening on Black Russians was never a good idea, but even though his skull was about to explode, he didn’t regret it. Nath had greeted them with stony silence—not so terrible, given the alternatives—and everything could still have gone south, there had been a pause, everyone’s eyes riveted on her.
He was wondering whether he should leave when Nath walked up to them and kissed Richard full on the mouth.
More than once, she had unnerved him; he had looked at her wide-eyed, with a hint of admiration for the feat she’d just pulled off, and when he talked to Richard about it, when he tried to make him share his awe at such marvels, Richard brushed it aside with a sweep of his hand, claiming all women had that ability in their blood. It’s called duplicity, he remarked before changing the subject.
Dan was no expert. He didn’t devote much time to girls and wasn’t interested enough to form his own opinions about the possible duplicity of women. But that didn’t keep him from appreciating the artistry, remaining transfixed like a kid in front of a magic trick.
Whatever the case, they had had a good time, knocked back the booze until nightfall, then gone out to buy the makings of Black Russians, and after that was a black hole.
A cold shower partly dispelled his headache and he joined Richard, who was counting his cash in the middle of the street, in front of the bank. The weather was warm. Nath had dropped him off a few minutes earlier and they decided to get coffee before going to take delivery of the Alfa.
Guys spun about on their stools when Richard walked in and he greeted some of them, exchanging a few words while Dan grabbed a menu and ordered a tomato juice and fried eggs. There was a time, back in the good old days, when he used to gobble them raw. He hadn’t known how to stop in time. And now things were hard.