He came in, looking around, and stood in the middle of room.
Beth sat on the bed and patted the space beside her. ‘How does Doriel feel about all of this?’
Jonan sat down. ‘Doriel grieves for Amelia every day, but she also feels responsible. She feels that if she’d realised what was happening between Amelia and I, if she’d stopped it, none of this would have happened.’
‘So this, Amelia’s new direction, this is a direct result of your relationship?’
‘It’s a direct result of her losing the people she loved. She lost me, she lost my mother and she lost Doriel. Only Roland remained with her, and he was fifteen. She seems to have made the best of that though.’ He rolled his eyes.
‘How do you know all of this?’
‘We were in contact for a long time. She tried to convince me to take her back. She tried to persuade my mother to come out of seclusion. She tried to persuade Doriel to go with her.’
‘But nobody would?’
‘She was already spreading her fear. We refused to be a part of that. Doriel would have taken her in if she’d stopped, but Mother vowed never to come out of seclusion.’
‘And about that.’ Beth shook her head. ‘Your mother deserted you and your brother. How could she justify that?’
‘She was hurt so she went on an inward journey. She never has tried to justify her decision, but what she’s become is pretty incredible. Her energy is purer than you can imagine. She has become more than an Oracle. She is so much in her energy body that she is hardly bound by the physical anymore.
‘And Amelia…?’
‘Is nothing to me now.’
Beth took a deep breath. She swayed as tiredness overtook her, but her skin was electric with the energy of their connection. She shifted on the bed, just wanting to be closer to him.
‘You’re tired,’ Jonan said, softly. ‘I’ll sleep on the sofa in the lounge, give you some space.’
Beth sighed. ‘Do you honestly want to sleep in the lounge, or do you still think I’m Amelia’s little mouse?’ she said, her heart pounding in her ears. ‘Because, if you don’t want me, that’s fine. But you can’t feed me all this stuff about joint destiny and past lives and then refuse to see me as I am, right now, here in front of you. You’re almost impossible to read, Jonan McLaney. I have no idea whether to be blunt about how I feel or to respect my need for distance.’
‘You pushed me away before Amelia got involved,’ he whispered, his voice cracking. His body was so still he was barely breathing.
‘No. You pushed me away, so I gave you the space you asked for. Don’t rewrite history.’
Jonan swallowed then leaned closer, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. ‘There is nothing I want less from you than space,’ he said, his voice hoarse. He took her hand and placed it over his heart. She could feel it beating as fast as her own, could feel the rough weave of his shirt and the warmth of his body. She felt her own pulse increase. All her attention was focused on the man in front of her, the man whose eyes were burning deep violet, ears elongated into points. In that moment, every ounce of his differentness was on display, but it felt so natural, so real and so obvious. Without knowing why, she was sure she looked the same. She reached up, felt her own ears. They felt normal.
He took her hand, brought her fingers up to touch the silky skin on the curved top of his ear. It felt the same as hers. She felt the rounded edge even as she admired the points. She brought her fingers down to the upward line of his angular cheekbones. He was so perfect, so different, but so completely familiar that he felt like home.
Jonan stood still, allowing her to explore his face. His breathing hitched as she stroked his bottom lip, feeling the softness, the intimacy of the caress.
He bent his head, touching his lips gently to hers, and then pulled back an inch and looked at her. His breathing was ragged as he reached out and took her hand.
‘How many lifetimes have we waited, Jonan? How many memories of us do you have?’
‘Oh, so many, more than I can count, but they’re not all lonely. I have done this before,’ he said, bending down to kiss her lightly on the lips. ‘I have spent many years with you over many lifetimes, but there’s always something that gets in the way. There’s always something that breaks us.’
‘And that scares you.’
‘Not being with you scares me more.’ He kissed her again, pulling her into his energy until there was no separation. She could feel their past, present and future surrounding them as she let down her barriers, allowing herself to be swept away in a torrent of feelings and memories. Images flashed through her mind, some strange, some familiar: that other Jonan, the room with the pillars, his face leaning over her, his fury as he rescued her from the theatre, horror as his other-self watched another Beth burn. Grief warred with longing as they clung together, trying to find a point of stability amongst the chaos.
Beth blinked, pushing back the memories and anchoring herself in the present. Jonan’s eyes were huge as he watched her, deep pools of questions. It felt so obvious to her what she wanted but, in that moment, she realised how long he had waited, how unattainable she had seemed. She tugged at his hand, grinned as his face lit up in a smile. She wished she had a better room to take him to. She wished she had a double bed. But all that really mattered was that they were together, they had found each other at last. As she pulled him down onto the bed, she knew she was crossing a line, and that she would never, ever go back.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Beth
‘Beth!’ Laura’s voice was harsh between the pounding thumps on the door. ‘Beth, for goodness sake, wake up.’
‘Why?’ Beth forced her eyes open and shifted Jonan’s arm, which was draped over her waist. She sat up, shoving herself off the bed. She grabbed some clean clothes from the wardrobe and pulled them on. Opening the door, she leaned against the wall, taking in Laura’s thin-lipped frown.
‘What’s the emergency?’
‘There’s a policeman in the living room. He wants to talk to you. What the hell is going on? Why is he here? And who is in bed with you?’
‘Jonan. He came to your party.’
Laura wrapped her oversized cardigan around her body, covering her pyjamas. She shrugged. ‘He’s a hanger-on at the studio, right?’
Beth sighed. ‘He’s my friend. And this isn’t your flat, it’s ours. Stop with the melodrama. Just let me go and talk to the policeman.’
Laura didn’t move. There was only one way out of the small room and she was standing directly in front of it. Beth raised her eyebrows, staring Laura down until she moved just enough to allow Beth to duck through the opening.
Beth shut the door behind her, giving Jonan privacy to get dressed. A moment later he came out, covering a yawn with his hand as he nodded at Laura. Laura blanched and stepped right back now, edging away from Jonan. Beth frowned. Normally everyone loved Jonan. Why was Laura acting so strangely? Was she picking up on his differentness, or was she even more under Amelia’s influence than Beth had thought?’
Beth and Jonan made their way through to the living room. Laura trailed behind them, hugging her oversized cardigan tightly around her middle.