“Do you like to be spanked too?” JBo asks as he takes another chair at the table. “No judgment here.”
“I feel I’ve been spanked enough,” I say dryly. I blow out a breath. “Lilly and I had a fight last night.”
JBo nods. “You really like it rough, huh?”
“No! Not like that.” Well, I do like it rough sometimes and so does Lilly. I swallow another sigh at that thought. “I mean, we argued. I think we broke up.”
“Huh.” Cookie frowns. “Like things aren’t bad enough.”
“Tell me about it.” I poke at a piece of avocado. My gut feels like a rock. I shouldn’t have eaten this stuff. I set down my fork and lean back in my chair. “On the bright side, at least I’m not addicted to cocaine.”
“Look, Coach isn’t going to bench you forever. He can’t. We need your goals.”
One corner of my mouth lifts. “Sure.” But I realize that’s not really what I’m worried about. He’s right. This can’t last forever. Either he gets our GM on board and they trade me away, if they can find anyone who wants me after they let it be known I’m “not coachable.” Kiss of fucking death. Or Coach plays me and keeps insulting and abusing everyone.
I rub my mouth.
“You look like you’re going to puke,” Cookie says. “You sure you’re not hungover?”
“Maybe that’s it.” I make a face. “Maybe I should go home and go back to bed.”
“Too bad you’ll be alone,” JBo says.
“Thanks for reminding me.” My tone is as sour as kombucha.
“What did you fight about?” Cookie asks. “Hopefully not birth control.” He glances at Russ, sitting over on one of the couches.
“No.” I pause. I don’t know if I can even talk about it. I feel like the lowest scum. Lower than snake pussy. The things she accused me of…being afraid. A coward. I don’t want to be those things.
I fucking hate it that she sees me that way.
But why do I even care? I’ve never given a shit what anyone thinks of me. Other than the scouts before the draft, and the teams that interviewed me. And my coaches. And…
And Lilly.
“It was…well.” I stop. “She thinks I should do something about how Coach is treating me.”
She also thinks we had something fantastic. And goddammit, she was right. I’ve never had anything like that, with anyone. Just her.
As I say the out loud part, I question it. Was she telling me to do something for myself? Or for the team? Am I more worried about my own career than what’s happening with the team? And what if I am? What’s wrong with that? It’s not up to me to save the world. I’m the last person who should be expected to do that. Haven’t I been through enough? Why does it have to be me?
What kind of teamwork is that? I am an asshole.
They both regard me seriously. “We’ve got your back,” Cookie says quietly.
“I saw it too,” JBo reminds me. “And heard.” He winces.
“I don’t know. Fuck.” I rub my face.
“We get it,” JBo says. “It’s bullshit, but we get it.”
“Thanks.” I give him a mirthless smile. “Lilly didn’t get it. I better go.” I stand. “Catch you guys later.”
In my apartment, I’m greeted by a tail-wagging, slobbering pooch.
“I’ve still got you, Otis.” I bend to rub him all over. “Thank fuck. You wanna go for a walk? Huh?”
Otis spins a couple of excited circles and I grab his leash and hook him up.
I have to carry him into the elevator, but he’s not even shaking. He’s almost over his trauma. Christ, that was a crazy night, him nearly getting strangled in the elevator and that crazy woman, who I’ve been calling Jane Doe in my mind.
As if thinking about it conjures her up, I come face-to-face with her when the elevator doors open onto the lobby. She stares at me, then looks down at Otis. “Oh my God! I found you.”
My mouth drops open. The man standing next to her says, “Percy!” and bends to Otis.
Percy? What?
The man straightens. “This is my dog.”
Lilly
I’m sitting on my bed, hugging a furry pillow, listening to The Weeknd sing “Call Out My Name.”
I left Easton’s apartment and ran all the way home in the freezing rain. I was falling apart, and I needed to do it in my own place. Carlin’s at work and I don’t have to walk any dogs until two o’clock when I pick up Apollo and Rusty.
I cried myself sick, washed my face, straightened my shoulders, then cried some more.
I’m annoyed with myself for being this upset, lecturing myself. Yes, out loud. “Jesus and three fishes, you knew you shouldn’t fall for him. You knew you shouldn’t fall for any man.” I close my eyes and shake my head. “Men will just let you down. Every time.”
You still have me.
But apparently that’s not enough for him.
I knew I was supposed to be living my best life on my own. I don’t need my dad to bail me out. I don’t need a boyfriend. I don’t need a fucking boss. I can be my own boss and start my own business, and I have girlfriends who I love and who love me. And I have dogs. Maybe not my own, but the next best thing. Dogs, who love unconditionally.
I fell for Easton anyway. I fell like dismal rain, pouring from the sky. Like shadows that fall at night. Like tears.
Easton’s right. I always think things will work out. I should have known better. But maybe I’ll never learn that lesson and that’s okay, because that’s who I am.
His remark about my lawsuit hurt. It reminded me of other people who derided me for doing that. As if all I cared about was money.
He could be right, though. My lawyer sounds confident, but anything can happen. The court date is less than two weeks away. If I went through all that pain and suffering going through discoveries with the corporation’s sharkish lawyers interrogating me and trying to trip me up and painting me as unreliable and self-centered, and the endless meetings with my own lawyers, who, even though they represent me, are also sharks, and I don’t like sharks—if I went through all that for nothing…
I close my eyes.
What if that happens? I need to be prepared for reality.