Home > A Chip on Her Shoulder (Magical Romantic Comedies #11)(5)

A Chip on Her Shoulder (Magical Romantic Comedies #11)(5)
Author: R.J. Blain

“You speak the truth. The chipmunk in your possession is your brother, and you witnessed his transformation.”

“Can you tell me what was used?”

“You humans classify it as a top grade transformative. Unlike the lower grades, it will not reverse with time. It would take divine intervention to restore him to even a humanoid form.”

“Can’t I just give him another dose of transformative? Won’t that change him back?”

“I am afraid not, Miss Esmaranda. That is not how these substances work in humans. It would have no effect on him. That is as much of a blessing as it is a curse. You would need the assistance of a divine. He will not help you, and as such, His angelic host cannot help you. It is not that we do not feel for your plight, but that it is a rule which we must obey.”

Well, shit. Since angelic help would be a bust, maybe I could recruit assistance from some other divine. “How about one of those Greek divines? Would one of them help?”

“I fear not. They have no interest in mortal affairs, and many of them still slumber. The ones awake would have no desire to aide you, nor would you be able to pay the price they would ask of you, should they be willing to help.”

Fuck. “Egyptians?”

“They are busy with more important matters, although you might be able to do a favor for one for information. I am willing to broker such an agreement with you, to serve as a relay. The Egyptians are keeping their activities modest on the mortal coil for the moment.”

“I’m listening.”

“Sir, if you might excuse us for a few minutes? This is a matter that should be discussed in private. There will be no point in recording what I speak with her about. Your machines will not cooperate with your wishes.”

The cop sighed. “How long do you need?”

“No longer than an hour.”

After the officer left the interrogation room, the angel sat on the edge of the metal table. “The work you would do is small now but significant later. You will be meddling on behalf of the Egyptian pantheon to ensure a future outcome, one with potentially dire consequences later. I was made aware of this situation before coming here.”

“Who made you aware of this situation?”

“He did.”

The God Almighty, the head honcho of the Christian faith, involved himself with me? No, with my brother, who made a pretty good candidate for a long-term stay in hell? My mouth dropped open. “Seriously?”

“He works in mysterious ways. He asked me to take on this task. It is both simple and difficult.”

“Okay. I’m listening. What do I need to do for the Egyptian pantheon? Who, I presume, has His permission, as you’re here negotiating with me to be the plaything of divines.”

The angel’s laughter chimed, and something deep in my chest relaxed, as though I’d sipped sweet, cool water on a scalding hot day. “You are right in more ways than you can possibly know. This has been in motion for some time. Two months ago, a newborn infant was abandoned and placed upon a ship coming here. The ship docks this evening. There is no one to retrieve the child. You will take the baby to a government building, which I will give you the address for. You will apply for her citizenship and birth certificate. You will name her, for the one who will become her guardian will not be kind in the choosing of it, for she is a black mark upon her family. In their eyes, that is. She is anything but. Once you have named her and secured her citizenship and birth certificate, which will only be a matter of a few hours of your time, you will have her delivered to her guardian. This is where things will become difficult for you.”

“Explain.”

“You must choose to love this child unconditionally, for you will be the only nurturing hand she will see for many years. You must teach her kindness, for she has never seen kindness before. It is only for a few hours, so this task shouldn’t burden you much.”

“Nobody has ever been nice to this baby?” I blurted. “But she’s a baby.”

“Correct. She has had a difficult journey. She was cared for and provided with milk, and she has been kept healthy, but that is the limits of their kindness. She is an unwanted child.”

Poor kid. “That’s so sad.”

“It is. She will have better days, and you will be part of why she will enjoy them.”

“Okay. I’ll bite. How am I going to be a part of that?”

“Do your part of this bargain, and you will see.”

“Angels bargain? I thought that was more of the Devil’s thing.”

The angel laughed again. “I am doing something for you, you are doing something for the Egyptian divines, who have requested me to speak with you on the matter. It is, in its way, a bargain.”

“All right. So, I just go pick up this kid, cuddle with her a bit, make sure she’s been fed, change her diaper, play with her a little, and take her to get her citizenship and paperwork? Then I make sure she’s delivered to some asshole who’ll abuse her? See, I have a problem with that part.”

“It is not quite your time to be a mother, Darlene. You will have your chance down the road. The hard part for you will be letting her go, knowing she will have a difficult life for a while. But because her life will be difficult, she will have the strength needed for greater things later. You will, in exchange, get the information you need to help your brother.”

“Does that information also help me get some payback while I’m at it?’

“Perhaps, although I do not believe you need any help with that. You are more than capable of acquiring any payback without divine intervention. I would suggest you temper justice with mercy, but there is no mercy for the merciless, and those you wish to war against have no capacity for mercy in their souls.”

“Well, that’s good to know. I won’t feel much guilt for giving them a serious case of just desserts.”

“Desserts?” the angel asked. “Do you not mean deserts instead? You think of...” He sighed, and I could easily believe he shook his head if he had one. “Pie. You think of pie. Apple, specifically.”

“That’s right. Desserts. It’s delicious, just like a nice piece of pie. Whomever said it was just deserts is wrong.”

The angel thought about that. “May your just desserts be appropriately sweet, then.”

“I’m so glad we could agree on this matter. I’d say eye-to-eye, but eye-to-eyeless is a little weird.”

“I stress you, don’t I?”

“You have no head and you left your nipples somewhere. Any sane sentient would be concerned about that.”

“Would nipples make you more comfortable?”

“A nice pair of nipples makes man-chests worth admiring.”

“You are a wonderfully terrible human.” The angel snapped a finger, and the requested pair of nipples appeared in the appropriate places. “Is that better?”

“Absolutely. Your chest is just divine.”

“You are a most wonderfully terrible human.”

“Thank you for noticing. How will I receive the information I’ll be earning tonight?”

“You will be paid in advance for your service.”

Huh. “You all are trusting me with this, paid in advance?”

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