I poked my tongue out at her. That was better than crying. Or telling her that we might’ve been over before we began. And I felt profound fucking guilt at using the smiling beauty as a weapon in a fight with Luke.
That was low. Even for me.
She grinned wider, dumping all of her bags on my dining room table.
“These are all because of you, just so you know,” she said, nodding to the bags.
I raised my brow and handed her the glass of wine. “I’m pretty sure you had a love affair with the double C before you met me.”
She took the wine. “True, but I’m a mum now. I have a love affair with my children and my husband. You made me cheat on them with Chanel. And seriously deplete their college funds.” She regarded the bags, chewing her lip.
I laughed. “You’ll always cheat on Cade with Chanel.”
She nodded. “True.” Her attention went to me, eyes narrowing like an eagle’s. “Now spill,” she demanded. “Everything. And then you better apologize to your favorite sister-in-law for not calling her the second this happened. If I like the sordid details and apology enough, I might just give you your birthday gift early.” She nodded to the bags.
“My birthday is in ten months,” I protested, not sure why I was arguing against a free Chanel bag.
She sobered a little. “Well, a late one, then. I missed the last one.”
I opened my mouth to give her yet another apology.
She held up her hand. “I get it, babe. Trust me, I do. Your brother did, even if he’d never admit it. You’ve been almost front and center with every drama we’ve had. Every wound, every blow, it hits you too. I should’ve seen it earlier.” She squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry.”
She was apologizing to me for me running away and leaving my family in the lurch? Yeah, I could’ve never hated her.
“It’s not up to you to say sorry,” I whispered.
“It’s a girlfriend’s duty to see things in her sister that she doesn’t see in herself. So yeah, I do owe you an apology. But I also demand details. You and Luke, how long has this been going on?”
I grinned. “Oh, about twenty years.”
“Tell me something I don’t know. But I mean the porno-worthy sex on the couch kind of stuff.”
I raised my brow. “You knew?”
“About the porno couch stuff? Not until I was presented with it. Luke’s got a great ass, by the way. And your rack is perfect.” She winked.
I rolled my eyes.
“About the stuff before?” she said. “Yeah, I knew.”
I frowned. “Was it that obvious?”
She smiled. “It’s a girlfriend’s duty to see things in her sister that she doesn’t see in herself, remember?”
I swallowed, remembering a conversation with Laurie in high school so long ago. My heart ached for a moment, and I let it. I’d learned that, when it came to grief that came with loss, it was pointless to fight it. That was one thing that even the strongest person couldn’t fight against. You had to let yourself feel the pain or else it would eat you alive.
“You’re not going to say anything to Cade, are you?” I asked.
She frowned. “Of course I’d never snitch. Even to my husband.” She drained her wine, walking to the counter to fill her glass once more. Mine was still full. She turned to me while pouring. “But why is this a secret? It’s something you need to be shouting from the rooftops. Or at the very least something to share with the people you love. Let them exhale, finally knowing that you’ve got the happiness you deserve.”
I sipped my wine. “It’s not that simple, Gwen. You know that. You know the club. You know my brother. He hates Luke. He’d hate me too for bringing him into the family.”
Gwen scowled. “Your brother adores you. You could blow up his Harley right in front of him and he’d compliment you on your bomb-making skills. Nothing, especially your happiness, would make him hate you.”
I took another sip. “It’s not that easy to erase the history of hate.”
She continued to frown. “It is. You’re just making it hard. What are you clinging to, Rosie? Honestly? If it’s the club, you know they’d bleed for you. Die for you. So you think that them getting over some stupid macho feud in order for you to be happy is going to be the end of the world? Maybe when things were different, before my time and these men hadn’t been exposed to love and happiness and how it’s so much better than a life of blood and bullets. And if you’re worried about your brother, I’ll take care of him.”
“No, it’s not that. Or it’s not that anymore. But it’s him. I’ve ruined him, Gwen. He was on the straight and narrow. He was good, and I pushed him off his path. He killed for me. He went against every single one of his morals for me. How am I meant to live with that?”
Gwen pursed her lips. “Firstly, he might’ve been walking on the straight and narrow, but have you ever heard of happiness being found on the straight and narrow? No. He was walking that line and maybe, without you, he would’ve stayed on that line. But thank God he didn’t. That would’ve been a long and lonely road. Unfulfilled. I knew it the second he looked at you. Or, more aptly, actively tried not to look at you.” She sipped her wine. “And here’s another thing. Not that either man would ever admit this, but Luke and Cade are similar. Almost identical. Albeit on different sides of the law, but alpha knows alpha. And they don’t make decisions that they don’t want to make. They don’t want to forsake that control for anything or anyone except the one. They’re serious about that. Luke wouldn’t have taken off that badge for anyone unless he knew. Trust me, he knows. He took a long time to get there, not because of how he felt about you but how he felt about himself. Maybe that’s why he was so conflicted about all of this, because he actually respected all the men he thought he was so determined to lock up.”
I gaped at her, then fiddled with my hands, remembering Luke’s words. “There’s something else too,” I whispered.
She grinned. “Of course there is.”
She stopped grinning when I started talking.
By the time I was finished, she was crying.
Then she hugged me, tightly, her tears mingling with my own.
I expected her to yell at me for not telling her sooner, declare war on an already long-dead dirtbag. Tell me I needed to join some support group.
She did none of that when she pulled back with red and makeup-streaked eyes. “You are good. And clean. And strong. What happened should never make you feel opposite, Rosie,” she said firmly. “You didn’t tarnish Luke, and especially not yourself. I don’t need to talk to him to know you saved him. And, more importantly, yourself. I know you can do that without anyone’s help, but how about you let me lend you my shoulder? Whenever you need it. I’m always here to remind you when things get hard.” She squeezed my hand. “And so will Luke, babe. I know you think you sentenced him to damnation just because he doesn’t drive around in a car with flashing lights, but you gave him something different. I saw it in his eyes, well beyond the crazy sex maniac look.” She winked. “I saw salvation. You’re always going to be different, Rosie. Extraordinary. So that means salvation might look a little different, darker in hue, but that doesn’t change the meaning. You better remember that, or I’ll kick your ass.”