Colton finally closes the gap between us and throws his hands around me, dragging me into his chest. “Please, Ocean,” he begs, holding me tightly with the hands that just took a man’s life. “Just stay. We can sort it out. I swear, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. You’re fucking everything to me.”
I slam my hands against his chest and push hard, forcing him off me and hating the pain that ricochets off me. “Don’t touch me,” I cry, darting away from him and far out of his reach. “I can’t. You killed a man, Colton. You’re a murderer.” I step toward the door, watching as the small fragment of hope in his eyes grows duller by the second. “I just … I can’t. I'm sorry, Colton. I have to go.”
With that, I step out of his room and dart for the fucking stairs, running as the tears cascade down my cheeks.
My mother hates me and now this. When it rains, it fucking pours.
I drag my arm over my already sore eyes as the loud sobs begin. I hit the bottom step and fly across the foyer, needing to be out of this house. Needing the air, and needing clarity. My shoes thump against the marble floor making my every step echo through the massive foyer but the sounds are drowned out by my cries.
I reach the door and just as I tear it open, I look back to find Colton standing at the top of the stairs watching me go with his heart in his hands, completely and utterly shattered. I’ve never seen him look like that and I want nothing more than to run into his arms and tell him that it’s all going to be okay, but it’s not. I don’t know how I’ll ever be okay with this. Why didn’t he hand him over to the cops like he promised? Why did he have to ruin us like that?
I don’t hesitate a second longer and throw myself out of the big front door and the second the cool night air hits my face, I crumble.
My knees give out from under me and I fall to the hard ground with my face dropping into my hands as I cry for everything I’ve lost tonight. My mother is hurting from my betrayal and now Colton is someone that I have to forget.
I always knew he was going to hurt me but I never knew it was going to be like this. I never knew it would hurt so bad.
I hear the familiar sound of the security camera turning to face me and I pick myself up off the ground, knowing that he’s watching me. Always watching me.
Refusing to be the pathetic girl who can’t pull herself together, I start walking down the steps, unsure where the hell I’m going or where I'll end up. All I know is that I can’t be here.
I make it to the end of the long drive, not doubting for one second that Colton has painfully watched every step I’ve taken.
I slip through the large gates and only then do I finally pull out my phone and bring it to my ear. “Milo,” I say after the third ring. “I need your help.”
Chapter 30
I stand in the living room of Nic’s tiny apartment staring at the four Widows as Milo hovers awkwardly beside me. “Umm,” he grumbles, looking at the four boys and then slicing his gaze back at me. “Are you good here?”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “Go before your car gets stolen and stripped for parts.”
His eyes bug out of his head. “Fuck, are you serious?”
Nic raises a brow, watching Milo through narrowed eyes, wondering just how much he knows. “Yeah, I watched you pull up and park that sweet ride right on the street. Big fucking mistake. I can guarantee that my guys are already putting in calls and working out a plan to lift it.”
“Shit,” Milo groans stepping toward the door as I roll my eyes knowing damn well that Nic’s boys wouldn’t dream of lifting Milo’s Aston Martin while he’s one of Nic’s guests. The guys down on the street watched me step out of it. They wouldn’t be that stupid.
Milo reaches for the door handle before turning back and meeting my eyes. “So … I’m assuming you don’t need a ride to school tomorrow?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”
“Are you…” he starts before dropping his eyes and showing just how much he’s hurting. “Do you know when you’re coming back?”
I press my lips into a tight line and take the two steps to the door. I pull Milo in for a tight hug and hold him close. “Thanks for driving me. I know that’s not exactly what you had planned for your Sunday night,” I tell him. “I’ll call you tomorrow once I’ve had a chance to sleep on it and think a bit.”
“Okay,” he says, squeezing me back. “Do you want me to tell your mom where you are?”
I shake my head. “Don’t bother. She would already know.”
“Okay, girl,” he says, glancing up over my head and spying the four boys who haven't stopped watching us, two of which I haven’t spoken to in weeks. His gaze drops to mine. “I’ll see you later. Call if you need anything.”
“Alright, love you,” I say, taking hold of the door and watching as he walks out, taking my final connection to that life with him. As he disappears down the hallway, I gently close the cheap wooden door and lean into it, resting my forehead against it and contemplating my next move.
Coming here wasn’t exactly a huge priority, but it’s a place I know that I can always come to, no matter what bullshit is going on between us. This place is my home, my real home.
I hear someone move from the couch and I don't dare turn around to see who it is. I’m not ready to face them yet. In a perfect world, I would have made them all suffer for a few more weeks or at least until Kai and Eli showed up on my doorstep begging for forgiveness. But being here right now in this small living room, I have no choice but to hear them out.
A hand falls to my waist and before I know it, I’m pulled away from the door and slammed against Nic’s hard chest. I breathe him in, finding comfort in his familiarity. And within seconds, emotions from my day and the emptiness from walking out on Colton come up and hit me like a freight train, bringing on another round of tears. “It’s okay, O. Cry it out,” he murmurs. “Take all the time you need. We’re not going anywhere.”
The tears come on faster and realizing that the flood gates have been opened wide, he scoops me up and takes me over to the couch. I curl into him just as I’ve done a million times before and the boys quietly talk among themselves as I struggle to pull myself back together.
Sebastian’s hand finds mine and he gives it a warm squeeze. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
I feel Nic tense beneath me but I have absolutely nothing to hide from these guys, and fuck it, it’s about time Nic realized just how serious things are between me and Colton … assuming there still is a me and Colton.
I lift my head off Nic’s chest and meet Sebastian’s eyes. I’d never spoken the words out loud until tonight and I hate the way that I said them, but on some level, despite the manner in which I told him, I’m glad he knows.
“Yeah,” I finally say. “I am.”
I feel something inside of Nic break as he holds me, maybe that last piece of hope that he’s always been holding onto. I don’t know what it is but I feel it in the way he holds me. I never once told him that I was in love with him, even when we were together. Sure, I told all the boys that I loved them, but there’s a big difference between having love for someone and seeing them as the other half of your world. Colton is that for me and right now, I hate that I feel this way.