I rise out of my spot beside Sebastian and Nic and cut across the small living room before dropping down onto Kai’s lap and folding into his open arms. “Thank you,” I whisper. “I still hate that I was left out in the dark for so many years but I understand it and I’m beginning to believe that if the tables were turned, I probably would have done the same thing for you guys.”
Kai nods and presses a soft kiss to my temple which is just about all the affection that he can handle. After saying what needed to be said, he instantly starts pulling away. Kai has the emotional capacity of a brick wall and sometimes, I absolutely love that about him.
Realizing that Kai is finished with me, Eli locks his firm grip around my upper arm and starts dragging me into his lap. “Get over here and love me,” he demands.
Just for the sake of it, I make him work for it, pulling away and squirming out of his grasp. I’m pretty sure that I almost kick Kairo in the balls at one stage and end up dropping like a bag of potatoes to the hard ground. Eli comes down on top of me, squishing me beneath his large frame while laughing in my ear. “Can’t get away now, can you?”
I jam my fingers into his ribs, laughing as I try to free myself.
“Dude,” Nic’s grunt comes over the sound of our howling snorts of laughter. “She was fucking raped. Ease up.”
When I say that this kid flew up off me like gravity doesn’t exist …
Eli stares down at me, horrified by his actions but I shrug it off as Sebastian offers me his hand and pulls me up off the ground like I weigh nothing at all. I walk straight into Eli’s arms and finally allow him the chance to feel at ease. “You know I love you,” he murmurs into my hair.
“I know,” I murmur, glancing up at the other guys while I speak. “But if any of you fuckers ever cross me again, there’s going to be blood.”
Sebastian winks while Kairo just smirks, probably thinking that he’s too fucking fast for me to get to him like that, and he’d be right, but it wouldn’t stop me from trying. Nic just stares, raising a curious brow. “So, does this mean you don’t hate me anymore?” he questions, knowing damn well that the role he played during all this was a shitload worse than the rest of the guys.
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t hate you, Nic. I could never hate you and for the most part, I've started to move on. I don’t like holding in all that anger toward you, but learning that you’re the reason the DeCarlo’s came down on us in the first place … well, that still hurts.”
He nods, satisfied with my answer, but I know it’s not the end. Nic won’t rest until everything has gone back to how it used to be. He’s just that kind of guy, but like Kai, he won’t offer any apologies that he doesn't mean.
Eli finally releases me and when he does, I look around at my four guys while feeling a broken piece of my soul finally come back to me. My world might be in the middle of falling apart, but with my boys back on my side, I can finally breathe a little easier.
They all watch me, waiting to see what my next move will be and being more than ready to put all the shit to bed, I let out a sigh and cross the small apartment into the kitchen. “Alright, I’m starving. What’s for dinner?”
Just like that, the boys fall in around me and after pulling out all the ingredients to start cooking, Nic pauses, looking down at the counter. “Fuck this,” he grumbles, putting everything back again and pulling out his phone. “I’m ordering pizza.”
Sebastian sighs with relief and I can’t deny that I kinda like the idea too. “So,” I say, meeting the boys’ stares as I pull myself up onto the counter with Nic’s murmured conversation in the background, ordering all my favorite toppings. “Which one of you guys allowed Carmen Fucking Saunders to weasel her way back into Nic’s bed?”
Guilty expressions stare back at me, each of them fumbling for the right thing to say and just like that, everything goes back to how it was always meant to be.
Chapter 31
Hours turn into days and before I know it, it’s Wednesday night and I’ve been taking over Nic’s small apartment for nearly three days. I’m not going to lie, having this time to build up my relationship with the boys again has been nice.
I really hate being away from them for so long, but these few days have put everything into perspective for me and because of that, I've learned more about myself than I’ve ever learned before.
I am one hundred percent in love with Colton Carrington and the more time I spend away from him, the clearer it becomes. I’ve learned that the things a normal person wouldn’t be okay with are things that have become far too normal in my life, and I’ve learned that no matter what, I will always have someone in my corner.
The past three days have been nice while also filled with all sorts of heartache. I miss my mom and not having her there at the end of the day to unload all my problems on has been hard. I’ve talked briefly with her and while we’ve technically both admitted that things were handled in a really shitty way, it’s still not the same as sitting down and talking it all through. In the end, I know Mom and I will always be okay. She’s my mom and no matter what, I love her just as she loves me. I’m pretty sure I could tell her that I’m going to replace my father and become the world’s most feared killer and she’d still love me.
What really sucks though is not having Colton and feeling his fingers brush over my skin as he passes behind me, or having his sweet little nothings whispered in my ear, his touch, his kiss, his everything.
I hate that I miss him so damn much. He’s been blowing up my phone to the point that I blocked his number. Then he started hitting me up on my Facebook messenger, then my other social media accounts, and finally, he went with a good old fashioned email that read—
To: Oceania Munroe
From: Colton Carrington
Subject: Unblock me, Jade!
Stop fucking playing with me. Un-fucking-block me so I can hear your sweet voice bitching me out, then get your stubborn ass home so I can fuck you until the mattress breaks.
I didn’t almost agree to shove a fucking dildo up my ass for you to walk away now. You know me, Jade. You’ve always known what I was capable of. I know the company you keep and despite how they chose to live their lives, you’re okay with that. Deep down, you know you’re okay with this too. You’re not pissed about what I did, you’re fucking furious that I didn’t tell you about it.
I’m not a patient man, Jade. I want you home so we can talk this through and then I want to eat your pussy like a Thanksgiving turkey.
I know you’re not angry anymore. You’re just fucking stubborn and making me sweat it, but that’s okay, two can play that game.
I’ll be waiting for you, Ocean.
I think I read over his ridiculous email twenty times before finally shoving my phone back into my pocket. He's a dumbass if he thinks I’m just going to roll over and forget about this. He killed someone. He took a life and didn’t even bat an eyelash about it.
Am I okay with that? Truth be told; I don’t fucking know.
Colton might be onto something. I’m okay with what Nic and the boys do. I've known for years that they’re killers and it’s never pushed me away, so why am I giving Colton such a hard time for the same thing? Maybe I’ve been holding him on some kind of pedestal, thinking he was better than that, but that’s not fair. No one should be put on a pedestal as it only makes expectations that are impossible to reach.