Does he really more than like me? Emira made it to the asphalt. Did he more than like me when he sent it? Am I a fucking idiot? Who has seen it? Ohmygod. The thought of Mrs. Chamberlain seeing the video sent a bolt of disgust through Emira’s spine and it landed in between the blades of her shoulders. “I’m making money right now, and I bet I’m making more than you.” “He’s an old white guy so I’m sure everyone will feel better.” “The fuck are you doing? Don’t touch me!” This would be the Emira that existed when Mrs. Chamberlain left her house and children. As Kelley stepped into the street and begged, “Emira, just talk to me, please don’t do this,” Emira looked at him and wondered, Will I say good-bye to Briar on terms that aren’t mine?
“Sefa, Imma need an ETA,” Zara called.
“Derrek and his Honda are two minutes away.”
“Emira, look at me! I didn’t fucking do this!” Kelley said.
“Ohmygod Kelley, stop!” Emira was shivering in the snow as she finally spoke. Shaunie tried to put her jacket on her shoulders, but Emira waved it off. “Literally no one else wanted this but you.”
“Me wanting that and actually sharing a video are two completely different things.”
“Cool, but you still wanted me to share it, right?” When Kelley said nothing, Emira kept going. “Exactly. You want me to be a completely different person. Like . . . you hate that I live in Kensington and you’ve never even been to my apartment.”
“Whoa whoa whoa, you never invite me!”
“You make jokes about me not having health insurance when I’m obviously fucking trying.”
“That’s not true. You make jokes about it!”
“You hate that I babysit for a living, which is fine, it’s whatever. But it’d also be easier if you’d just fucking admit it.”
Kelley dropped his arms to his sides. “Emira, the only person who hates that you still babysit is you.”
Emira took two steps back.
There was a time when she would have accepted this statement from Zara, maybe Kelley if they’d been dating a little bit longer and if she’d been drinking a little bit less. But Zara would have never used the word still, highlighting the fact that yes, Emira was a bit late to adulthood, that she should have moved on to something else, and that she currently held a job that thirteen-year-olds were trusted to do. Underneath a patina of tequila and champagne, seeing herself pull her skirt down on tape, and watching it happen via Kelley’s Sent folder, Emira could see nothing else but Kelley’s doorman, the free basketball tickets he got from work, and the time he said the N-word in front of her, which suddenly didn’t seem so banal. Emira looked Kelley up and down. She stuck out her lips and said, “Cool.”
“Wait, I don’t—this is . . .” Kelley blew through his lips. “Emira, I swear to God I didn’t do this . . . but I do think Alex did.”
Emira laughed and said, “Ohmygod,” as Zara pulled her toward Derrek’s approaching Honda. Shaunie hopped in the front seat of the SUV and Josefa went around to the other side.
“I’m not kidding, Emira. She did this. I don’t know how, but she came to my work and she—”
“Ohmygod! You have to stop! You two are obsessed with each other and it’s so fucking stupid. Actually, you know what? You obviously wanna be with someone who has lots of money and a great job and a book deal, so you might as well just date her again.” Once she was inside the car, Zara reached over her lap and pulled the back door shut.
In the backseat, Emira held both sides of her face. Zara put her seat belt on, Shaunie placed a coat on her legs, and Josefa said, “Gimme your phone.” By the time they reached Shaunie’s apartment, Emira had two missed calls from Kelley, though the new contact name in her phone read Don’t Answer.
Twenty-three
On Saturday afternoon, Alix struggled to find a walking speed that fell somewhere between feeling safe and looking offensively scared. For all she knew, Emira had moved out of this apartment, and the address she’d put on her résumé belonged to someone else. But Alix hadn’t called because she didn’t want Emira to reject her visit. She asked the cab driver to drop her off two blocks away.
Alix liked taking the scooter instead of the stroller because leaving the former somewhere by accident didn’t mean losing thirteen hundred dollars (and she could potentially use it as a weapon). With Catherine strapped to her front, Alix held the handlebars as Briar stood on the lime green children’s scooter with an unnecessary but adorable helmet strapped to her head. Alix guided Briar with one hand and held her phone in the other as she used Google Maps to navigate past apartment buildings built on top of one another with white bars in front of windows, some of which had cats perched behind them. Emira’s apartment building—two satellite dishes were attached to the side of it—was across the street from a basketball court currently covered in a thin layer of snow. Alix lifted Briar and her scooter onto the front step with her left hand and hip. She pressed the button labeled apartment 5B.
“Hello?”
This was definitely Emira’s voice, and not on a good day. Alix pushed forward and placed her mouth closer to the intercom.
“Emira? It’s Alix. Hi. It’s Mrs. Chamberlain.”
“Ummm . . . Hi?”
An older black man passed by on the sidewalk with his hands in his jacket pockets. He glanced up from underneath a blue baseball hat and looked at Alix as if she were lost. Briar pointed directly at him and said, “That man is driving the train.”
“Honey, shh. Emira, I know this is strange,” Alix said. “We just wanted to drop off something for you and . . . just say hi.”
Briar kept her eyes on the man and shouted, “Choo choo!”
Under a dense static, Emira said, “Wait . . . is Briar there with you?”
The man was almost at the next street, but Briar cupped her arms around her mouth to yell, “Stand clear of the closing doors, peas!”
“Briar is here and she’s making lots of friends,” Alix said. “But do you have a mailbox? I can just leave this inside the door.”
“No no, I’ll come down. Just a second.”
The fuzzy connection clicked off and Alix stood up straight.
Briar gave up on the train conductor and looked up at her mother. “Mama? Mama, what . . . what is this right here?” She touched the front door three times with her palm.
Alix licked her thumb and swiped dried yogurt off Briar’s lips. “This,” she said, “is a little adventure, okay?” She took out antibacterial gel and rubbed Briar’s hands, then her own.