Through the window in the door, Alix saw champagne-pink terry-cloth sweatpants come down the stairs first, and then the rest of Emira appeared. Her hair had been pulled up into a black silk wrap that came up together in a bun on top of her head. Emira had a T-shirt on underneath a denim jacket, which seemed like an odd choice of clothes for a weekend at home, but then again, this wasn’t just any weekend. There was no makeup on her face. Emira’s eyelids were swollen and soft.
“Hey.”
“I’m so sorry to surprise you. Hi.”
Briar looked up and pointed. “Mira has no hair.”
“Well, hi.” Emira smiled. “I still have hair. I just wrapped it up.”
“I know this is crazy.” Alix raised one hand in the air as if she were swearing on a Bible. “And if you’re busy, we don’t have to—”
“No no, come on in. I am four flights up, though.”
“Not a problem. Can I leave this down here?”
“Ummm . . .” Emira bit the side of her thumbnail and stared at the scooter. “I mean, I wouldn’t. But that’s up to you.”
The stairwell smelled like dust and mold, but when they made it to the fifth floor, Alix could start to smell Emira. Nail polish, lemon, the artificial trace of coconut, and wet grass. When Emira pushed her front door open and revealed her apartment, Alix thought, Okay, phew, I can do this, and then, Oh man, this is depressing.
Emira’s apartment looked like one of those graduate college dormitories where all the rooms are exactly the same, except the corner ones are slightly bigger, or maybe they have one extra window. The hallway and kitchen floor were cased in puckered linoleum that was meant to resemble wood. On top of the refrigerator was a bright red microwave, and Bed Bath & Beyond coupons were stuck to the refrigerator door. There were two bedroom doors off the carpeted living room, and Alix could tell that one was very much Emira’s.
There were pictures of brown girls on a corkboard, and hanging on one of the pushpins were the black cat ears from Halloween. There was a tall plastic shelving unit with unfolded black clothing inside, a paisley quilt on the unmade bed with a sad black dress crumpled on top, and a pink bowl on the floor next to the bed that held a shallow pool of sugary milk. The living room had a television, a black IKEA coffee table, a black butterfly chair, and a purple futon couch with an ill-fitting cover sheet. (Alix had once written a blog post that was a letter addressed to futons. In this letter she referred to futons being the biggest furniture hoax of her generation, and called them “glorified bean bags on a rickety but colorful frame.” This unsent letter was meant to be funny, but seeing Emira’s living room setup made Alix feel like a bully.)
But when she sat down on Emira’s couch, Alix spotted something else. On the wall opposite the futon was a ten-gallon fish tank on the floor. There was no lid on top, and there were no fish, but there were about a dozen potted plants—ferns, palms, snake and spider plants—and their green leaves shot up and over the sides. It was completely unexpected, and Alix was grateful that Briar raced to it, so she could figure out how both a lumpy futon couch and this lovely aquarium could exist in the same space.
“Can I get you some water?”
“That would be great. Thank you. Briar, don’t touch, lovey. You wanna take your helmet off?”
Briar said, “Nokanku,” and pointed to the fish tank. “They’s no fish in here.”
“But look at all those pretty plants, honey.” Alix removed the straps to the Babybjörn and slid Catherine to a horizontal position, her little head on Alix’s knees. “Emira, that is such a clever idea.”
“Oh.” Emira closed the freezer door. “Well, the tenants before us left it here. And it was too heavy to move downstairs . . . so yeah. That’s what that is now.” Emira broke up the ice cubes in a blue plastic ice tray and filled a glass with water from the sink.
“Why . . . why they’s no fish in here?” Briar asked. Emira delivered the glass of water to the coffee table and sat in the butterfly chair.
“It’s just for plants, girlfriend. I know that’s kinda funny,” Emira said. “But I think there used to be fish in there.”
While Emira explained this to Briar, Alix got to peek into the bathroom door off the kitchen. There were four damp and colorful bras hanging across the shower rod and Alix thought, Okay, that’s why you’re wearing a jean jacket. I get it. Washing her bras also seemed like something Alix would do if Alix were very restless and upset. One of the bras dripped twice on the shower curtain, and for some reason, this made Alix quite certain that Emira and Kelley were no longer together.
“So, I hope we didn’t startle you too much,” Alix said. Catherine was taking in the new ceiling and saying dadada. “But I just wanted to drop by and—”
“No, yeah. Umm . . .” Emira cut in. She leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees. “Sorry . . . can I talk first?”
Alix lifted Catherine to her shoulder and crossed her long legs. She noticed a Netflix DVD envelope on the bottom shelf of the coffee table, and this, combined with Emira’s request to speak first, filled her with affection. I love this girl, Alix thought. She actually still gets the DVDs? What movie is that? The Devil Wears Prada? Jesus Christ, I love this girl. Emira and I will be okay. “Of course you can speak first,” she said.
“So umm . . . I’m sure you saw that video ’cause . . . like, everyone did,” Emira said. “But just so you know, I definitely don’t usually talk that way in front of Briar. I mean—I obviously say things around my friends or whatever but never in front of Briar and that was honestly the only time. I was just super freaked out that they would take her away from me or something and so I yelled and said some things that weren’t child-friendly.”
Briar reached underneath the coffee table and pulled out a red water bottle that said Temple in white letters. “I open dis,” she said.
Alix said, “Briar, no no.”
Emira waved her hand. “Oh, it’s empty, she can play with it. But yeah . . . obviously you’re here so maybe your mind is made up and I get that.” Emira folded her hands between her knees. “I just wanted to say my piece of it and umm . . . yeah, I guess that’s it.”
The night before, Alix watched the video on her iPad five times, sitting on the bathtub as Peter slept, just after receiving a text from Laney that read, “It’s up.” Each time, it was like she was meeting Emira all over again. She’d never seen her sitter talk so much and she’d never realized how pretty she was and she’d never seen Emira so bright and quick. Alix knew the ending. She knew that everything eventually turned out alright. But watching the events play out and listening to Emira’s voice change over into fear made her heart beat as if she were watching a horror movie. Alix found herself thinking, Yes, Emira. Tell him, and Watch out, he’s right behind you! But mostly she just thought, Ohmygod, was that only a few months ago? How in the world was Briar so teeny?