Dean had reminded me of the man I was turning into, and what I’d needed to do to, not only save Mia but myself as well.
Mia and I couldn’t move forward, not like this. I’d told her that everyone had been lying to her, but if we didn’t stop now, she’d be living a lie for the rest of her life. Mia would never love me the way she loved him. Even now, as we walked together toward the car, it was a fucking lie. The air between us reeked of a frontage, an act she was forcing herself to be a part of while her mind was elsewhere. We both knew it. Neither of us had to say the words out loud. Love turned us all into fools.
I unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for her after throwing the duffle in the backseat. She paused before getting into the car.
“I just want you to know that I understand,” she quietly said and sucked in a breath. “I get why you did it. There was no way I would’ve been able to sleep at night if I knew my rapist was still living. I had a lot of time to think about it, and I agree. You and me are the same. I get that now.”
“Jett—”
Mia wrapped her arms around my waist, and I’d suddenly forgotten what I was going to say, but it would probably be something I would have regretted. I held her close, and we stayed like that for a while. I didn’t want to let the moment pass, but all things that were only here for a season needed to come to an end at some point. The day with my mum reminded me of that. This entire time, I’d thought Masters was the season, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I was Mia’s season. A harsh fucking winter, nonetheless.
“Come on, let’s get inside. You’re shaking,” I stripped off my jacket and wrapped it around Mia before we got into the car.
The heat cranked on high as I drove around the car park for a few minutes to get acquainted with driving on the opposite side. Mia laughed, and it was the first time I’d heard her laugh in a while. Possibly Dean was all wrong. Maybe he didn’t have it all figured out, and Mia and I could stay exactly like this for the rest of our lives.
“You got this!” Mia praised at my side, I took her hand and drove out of the lot and onto a busy street.
I don’t got this, and you have no idea why.
After going through a drive-thru, I entered the highway to our next destination. Mia ordered assorted pastries and a hazelnut coffee, eating every single one before passing out beside me. Last night, I’d heard her soft cries all hours of the night. She had to be exhausted, and I was too.
The entire ride, she’d slept in a curled ball to my right with my arm hanging over her leg, my large hand snug between her thighs. I didn’t want to let go as she murmured incoherent slurs in her sleep, and my lips twitched to smile.
We made it four hours later, thanks to traffic, and I pulled the car against the curb and put the gear into park. Mia was still sleeping at my side, drooling into my jacket. I had no clue how she was going to react to this, and I unbuckled my seatbelt, leaned over the console, and pushed the hair from her face. “Jett,” I whispered.
Her eyes blinked open. “Where are we?”
“There’s something you have to know.” I didn’t know how to string the words together for her to understand. I’d never been good with words, that was Master’s territory—the overnight poet, who was probably pounding into unfamiliar pussy as we speak. At this very moment, Masters was probably making girls fall in love with him with his fucking words, partying, drinking, smiling, and laughing at the rest of us. I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing I was about to destroy the rest of her too. “I’d made a mistake. I should’ve never taken you. It was cruel, selfish even.”
Mia sat up, her stringy brown hair whipped against her sticky face as she turned her head and looked at the surroundings. “My dad’s?” she whispered, recognizing the street we were on. “You took me back to my dad’s?” Her glossy brown eyes narrowed at me. “Start the car, Ethan! I’m never going back there. I’m not getting out of this car!”
Her dad, the only man she’d trusted for over ten years, had dropped her off at Dolor two years ago. Here I was, the man she’d finally trusted again since I’d taken her from that place, dropping her arse right back off at her dad’s. Full fucking circle. “Yes, you are.”
“No!” Tears puddled in her eyes. “Drive!” her fist pounded on the dashboard, and her movements became frantic. “Drive the fucking car!”
I rubbed my hands up and down my face, trying to pull it together. I couldn’t stop now. I had to see this through. “You’re getting out whether you like it or not. I’ll drag your arse up that driveway by your fucking hair, do you understand me?” My voice broke, and I swallowed the tears back down, “I don’t want you anymore. I made a colossal mistake. You were a big fucking mistake.”
Mia’s eyes locked on mine, and she tilted her head as if she was seeing right through me. “You don’t mean that.”
Of course, I didn’t. But if Mia didn’t get out of the car within the next two seconds, I’d be afraid I would never have the strength to do right by her again. “Oh, I’m very certain, Jett. You will only drag me down.”
Her fist connected with my face, sending my head back.
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. A ringing blasted inside my ears and I shook my head until my vision righted again. She busted my lip, and the warm copper taste slipped past my gums. I wiped my lip with the back of my hand, accessing the damage. I didn’t expect that. Perhaps a slap, but not a punch.
I forced a laugh. “You hit like a fucking girl.”
“Really? Because you’re the only pussy in this car,” she seethed. “Every day we’ve been together, you’ve done nothing but remind me how no one gives a shit about me. How everyone lied, but you’re the biggest liar of them all. You can’t even be honest with yourself! Look at you, Ethan! You’re fucking pathetic. I’ll keep your secret. I’ll take it to my grave, but I’ll never let you fuck with my head again.”
“I never fucked with your head, Jett,” I laughed, “That was all you. You were always fucked up to begin with.” I knew what would hurt her the most, and I had to say it. “No wonder Masters left your arse the first chance he got. I’m not making the same mistake.”
Mia’s hand clenched into a fist as her chin trembled. If she was about to hit me again, I was more prepared this time. But she never did. Instead, she drew in a shaky breath, wiped her eyes, and got out of the car, barefoot in homeless attire. She didn’t even turn back for a second glace, and it took all restraint to not get out of the car and run after her, to apologize for everything I’d said because I didn’t mean any of it. This is the right thing, I repeated over and over in my head. One day she’ll forgive you for this.
I peeled off the street, driving my foot into the gas before I’d have a chance to change my mind. Nausea hit me like a tsunami, colliding with an angry coastline, and I slammed my palms against the steering wheel over and over. My vision darkened from the maddening monster inside me, and a scream ripped through my throat as my cheeks shook.
“I love you, Mia,” I screamed inside the car to absolutely no one. “I’m letting you go because it’s the right thing to do. Because I won’t let the monster fucking win!” The words meant for Mia’s ears flew out of me until my throat went hoarse, crying for the first time since I’d killed Haden Charles.