My heart was with Ethan because he loved Mia enough when I couldn’t. He protected her when I couldn’t. When the cruel world failed him, failed his sister, he did the only thing a person in his position would only think of. I see that now more than ever. And I admire his strength, his loyalty, and his devotion. Perhaps he hasn’t always done the right thing, but he loved Mia the only way he knew how, and I hope one day he’d be able to find love again …
My heart was with the father I never knew because he brought me into this world. Perhaps he decided not to be in my life, or maybe he never knew I existed, either way, it still lead me to her.
No, my heart was never mine. It was everyone else’s to mend, shape, slice, and stitch, all making me the man I am today. And for that, I love myself. Because whatever condition my heart is now in, Mia still treasures it all the same.
I’m still a dreamer, but I’m not afraid anymore.
Because I found her.
All I had to do was open my eyes.
I WOULD NEVER FORGET the day he’d almost slipped away.
Surrounded by blood and snow, sobs had broken through my desperate pleas as I held his head against my chest. His gaze had locked on mine, a wistful freedom collided with wonder in those green eyes, grasping on to the belief of forever. I’d never seen his shade so vibrant. It had caused my entire being to fall into a somber eclipse, spiraling faster and faster with no end, no walls, only darkness.
And then he blinked his eyes once more before they closed.
The flesh from my bones, the blood in my veins, the oxygen in my lungs, all of it had crumbled, breaking into small pieces yet still holding on by a thread—the thread was my heart. It had pumped on auto-pilot as if it couldn’t associate with the rest of my body. It’s thumping sounded in my ears, and I’d wished it would stop, but my heart was not ready to let go. It had continued with the same steady beat, refusing to give up what was right in front of me. Open your eyes, I’d thought—well, desperately begged.
And I’d waited.
Two seconds had passed—waiting as my body weakened from his disconnection, and my heart continued to pump.
Three.
Then the paramedics had ripped him from my arms …
A soft pink glow spilled down the hall, and I followed the light, stopping just before I reached the door with a coffee mug in hand. The soft giggles coming from her room was music to my ears, and I turned the corner and leaned into the door frame of her bedroom. Origami roses and paper airplanes hung from her sky painted ceiling. Jake had her room set up while we were traveling, and had it ready just before returning home for Christmas.
Under the constellations and origami shapes dancing above, my eyes found hers.
They were beautiful. Rare, yet duplicated. A color so familiar. It was the color of the reflection of palm trees across a shoreline when the sun was at its highest point in the day. The color was the perfect timing when three of God’s creations collided: the sun, trees, and water. The color was Ollie’s.
She smiled that innocent smile from her bed when her dimple kissed her cheek, then curled inside his arms.
Ollie’s gaze flicked up at me from the book, and he froze with that daydream spark in his green eyes. A matching smile spread from her face to his. “Uh-oh,” Ollie snapped his head to our little girl. “I’m in trouble.”
“Big trouble. You,” my eyes narrowed at the brown-headed green-eyed wild child, “are supposed to be asleep by now. And you,” I slid my gaze to Ollie, “are supposed to be … Well … Do I really have to finish that sentence?” I nudged my head to young ears.
Grinning, Ollie closed the book. “Yup, she’s angry. Daddy’s in trouble.” He sat up in her bed and pointed out the door with panicked eyes and a smile. “Run, Ever. It’s too late for me, but you still have time!”
In a faux frantic, Evermore turned, slid off the edge of the bed until her little toes touched the wooden planks, then ran toward me, giggling. I scooped her up with one arm and nuzzled my face in her neck as I carried her back to the bed. Ollie pressed his lips together to hold in his chuckles. After Ever was born, we haven’t been able to get pregnant again. Yet, I couldn’t be happier. All we ever needed was our Evermore, anyway. “One more, then it’s Mummy and Daddy time.”
Ollie raised his brows. “Oh, yeah?”
Blushing, I laid next to Ollie with Ever settled between the two of us. Ollie opened his book, and I rested my head over his shoulder as he turned the pages to her lullaby. His enchanting and elegant voice arrested my heart. And I blinked up to catch his lips move and eyes blink slowly as he read to our daughter, never taking advantage of a single beat.
“Lay your head, Evermore,
for there is nothing to fear.
Love will slay the monsters;
velvet skies are warm and clear.
Drift to sleep, Evermore,
you’re free to touch the moon.
Soar and dance with stars;
Mum and dad will see you through.
Get lost in adventure, Evermore,
but never stray too far.
Stay with me in my arms,
even while you’re gone.
Sleep with angels, Evermore.
Soon the sun will rise,
But only when morning whispers,
Now open your eyes.”
And we were together,
and it was beautiful …
ETHAN
COMING 2021
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It’s January 24th, 2020, and I finally wrote the epilogue after sitting on it for so long. Yes, two weeks until the release day. Which, if you are reading this, the date has come or passed. I’m telling you this because I want to admit to you how scared I was to finish this story. I was TERRIFIED. I could hardly get through edits and beta reads without turning into an emotional mess. I was so close to not adding the epilogue simply because I never thought I’d be able to say goodbye.
But I did it.
Wherever you are sitting right now, I want you to do me a favor.
I want you to close your eyes and find what your heart beats for.
Once you find it, or if you have known all along, give it your everything. Cut yourself open and pour your heart into it. Don’t just chase it, become it. Breathe it. Live it. Never allow fear, uncertainty, or insecurities, or any soul or thing take it away from you. It’s right there, and it’s yours. The rejection you may face will never amount to the regret. You can learn to overcome rejection, but regret will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Six months. My entire life changed within six months, and I have so many people to be thankful for. I’ve been blessed with the best team at my side, book-lovers who adore these characters, life-long friends, new opportunities, and the list goes on …
To the READERS — Every morning, I wake up unsure what I ever did to deserve any of you. Every day, I see all your messages, and though it takes me a while to respond to contain my emotions (yes, I’m Ollie in a nutshell), they touch my fucking heart. It may sound so simple, but thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for understanding the story and the characters. Thank you for your tears, for your laughs, for your frustration, for your patience, for relating, for learning, for finding pieces of yourself inside these books and sharing it with me … Thank you!