It was still beating in the palm of my hand.
“It’s best you stay away from me,” I insisted as I drew nearer. Ollie looked up from the floor and removed his hands from his pockets. His beanie was pulled down lower over his forehead, and red rings circled his eyes. “And you look like shit,” I added, knocking him while he was already down.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked, following me into my room.
“Oh.” I dropped my books over my desk and turned to face him. “You mean me fucking Liam? I figured it’s only fair for you to know what kind of person I am. Liam is not even half of what I’ve done.” It was best for him to know everything.
He folded his fingers together over the top of his beanie as he looked into my cold and distant features. “For once in your life, Mia, can you stop pushing me away and be honest with yourself for five minutes?” he asked, and I paused mid-pace, “I know what kind of person you are, and this isn’t you,” Ollie dropped his hands and took a step toward me, “I know you feel something with me because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have punched a bloody wall. I see it in your eyes, Mia.”
“Stop! I don’t feel!” I shouted and took a step away from him before pacing the room again. “Whatever you think is happening is all in your head.”
Suddenly, Ollie picked me up at the waist and set on top of my desk, gripping the edges as his frustrated eyes searched mine. “You’re a fucking liar.”
He looked down and grabbed my hand from my lap, wrapping his fingers around my wrist. “Your pulse is racing, Mia, and I know what it’s like because mine does the same damn thing when I’m around you. And when I look into your eyes, I can see my Mia is in there. The girl who pretends not to care, but her heart is relentless. The girl who kisses me unapologetically, watches me read, laughs into my neck, and has a genuine fucking smile when I’m beside her. My Mia.”
I forgot what had happened altogether. I forgot what had put us here, in this position. I forgot why Ollie was upset and only wanted to see him smile again. But he took advantage of my faltered mind and continued.
“Distance isn’t good for us. Only two days in confinement and I already lost you, but you will come back because you always do with me.” He dropped his head before wiping his face against his sleeve. “Fuck. I don’t care what you did. You weren’t right before the weekend, but I know you’re right with me. You have to break through, and it’s going to hurt, and it’s going to be painful, but you have to because I’m fucking selfish and I want you.” He shook his head. “No, I need you.”
Ollie brought his hands to my face. His nose grazed mine as he breathed me in. “I need you to feel for me, and once you do, I need you to stay.”
And then my lips were on his as I silenced him and he stole my breath all at once. He was my weakness and my strength—the life and the death of me. He gave and took with each caress of his tongue, unwilling to ease up as the desire between us only heightened. “I’m so sorry, Ollie,” I whispered between moments of mourning without his lips on mine. He shook his head and stole my breath once again. His mouth grasped mine as if it were the lighthouse in the middle of a storm. His eyes shut tighter while he kissed me more firmly, his tongue’s gentle rhythm sending his hips deeper between my legs. And when my hand fell over the waistband of his jeans, he pulled away.
“Please don’t do this to me …” He breathed heavily. “I don’t have the strength anymore.”
“Have me.” My words quickly rolled off my tongue.
Ollie only shook his head.
I wrapped my fingers around his chin and forced him to see me like he had done to me so many times before. “Right now, I’m yours. I never wanted anyone else, Ollie. I have only and always wanted you. I’m all in; whatever’s left of me, is in with you. Please, don’t reject me again. I can’t handle it.”
It only took Ollie a few beats to battle it out with himself. He slammed his palms over the desk before pushing off it. I held my breath. Don’t you dare leave me like this, I wanted to say. But my words were caught, lost somewhere between my brain and tongue.
He walked toward the door.
Paralyzed, my non-existent heart was already breaking, mourning the loss of this moment that would never happen.
Everything had stopped. My breathing. My brain. The pumping of my heart. Ollie.
The sound of my door locking echoed.
My heart thumped.
He turned to face me.
My heart thumped.
His powerless eyes filled with lifetimes of longing—longing for me.
My heart thumped.
And Ollie withdrew his white tee, exposing tattoos along his ribcage, chest, and lean abs. In two long strides, he stood before me again, picking me up off the desk effortlessly and laying me across the mattress. He slowly pinned my hands above me as he covered my mouth with his.
I could breathe again.
“I’m not going to fuck you, Mia,” he said slowly, his nose grazing mine as the mint bounced off his mouth. Before I had a chance to question him, his tongue slipped between my lips and our impatient kiss spiraled. We were on fire as a familiar spark went off inside me. My lips trembled against his as his fingers traveled down to the button on my jeans. Ollie had the ability to break me, and I knew it the moment my eyes fell on him.
He hesitantly pulled away and stood over me with one knee between my legs and his other foot planted on the floor. “Are you on birth control?”
I nodded. “And I never have sex without a condom … I have a box in my suitcase.”
Ollie looked over to my suitcase and back at me. “You always use a condom? Not even one slip-up?”
I nodded and shook my head, unable to contain the buzz of him. “Never slipped.”
“Then I’m not making love to you with a fucking condom on.” An ache and adoration mixed in his eyes, and his voice held a promise. “It’s all or nothing, Mia.”
“Okay,” I whispered, and lifted my shirt over my head, dropping it to the floor beside me.
His eyes praised me before his lips did, and his warm hands reached behind me to unlatch my bra, freeing my breasts. Ollie guided my arms above my head before his fingers inched their way down the length of them, past my breast and at my sides. My nipples hardened instantaneously under his warmth. Gasping, my body buckled under his wet lips as they trailed along my collarbone and down the middle of my chest.
Ollie took his time, and his nose brushed my stomach as his lips left impressions over my skin. My impatient hips moved beneath him as he undid my button and zipper.
“The feeling you have right now—I need you to hold on to it for as long as possible. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”