“No, Ollie …” I said, shaking my head, denying this was happening at all.
“Just bloody listen.” He struggled for a bit to give us more time. “Whatever happens, don’t turn it off. You have to stay even when I’m gone, alright?”
“Alright,” I whispered through tears as he flinched under the officer’s applied pressure at his wrist.
Ollie took in a deep breath as he held my gaze. The suffering pricked in his eyes, but it wasn’t the physical kind. This was a suffering I’d seen when he struggled to fight back his emotions. “Close your eyes, Mia.”
I closed my eyes, giving permission for my silent tears to fall. I gripped the table in front of me to keep me steady, and I never wanted to open my eyes again. I knew once I opened them, the reality of all of this would hit, and I would never be ready for it. So, I kept them closed tight, imagining every moment Ollie had created for us. Him and me on a typical Sunday morning. I fought to smell the coffee and feel the sun, the warmth of his body beside mine as he read to me. Us walking a boardwalk hand in hand. The two of us watching the sunrise with our feet in the sand and the salty breeze in my hair. The hot tears spilling down my cheeks was the only constant reminder that if I opened my eyes, none of it was real.
A hand against my back turned me and Jake wrapped his arms around me. I kept my eyes closed as I cried into his chest. “He’ll be okay, Mia.” His hand against my back did nothing to soothe me as he held me tight, attempting to take my pain away, but it was only Ollie who held that power.
And Ollie was gone.
“You need to tell them the truth, Bria. You know damn well Ollie isn’t capable of this.” It was the first time I’d seen Bria since New Year’s, and she lay in the hospital bed, still recovering. Pacing back and forth in front of her bed, I was desperate. She was his only hope.
Bria was as shocked as I was. “Mia … I … I tried telling them. I told them everything I know. One minute I was drinking, the next I’m waking up in the nurse’s station.”
“Did you tell them Isaac was there? That Oscar was there?”
“Oscar was never there, Mia!” My stomach did a one-eighty before launching up my throat. “And, yes, I told them about Isaac being there … but I really don’t think Isaac would rape me. Especially since I was more than willing to have sex with him. You know that. He knew that …”
“You’re kidding me, right?” I placed two hands beside her as I leaned over. “I saw it with my own eyes, Bria. You were on the floor, butt-ass naked and unconscious. Isaac raped you.”
“Then why didn’t you do anything about it?” she sneered.
I threw my hands in the air. “I couldn’t move, or else I would have!”
Flashes of Oscar kicking Bria out of the way like a ragdoll flooded my mind, and I couldn’t believe Bria was so naïve. Ollie was being set up, again, by his brother. It was the perfect plan, but this time, he had me.
Pushing off the hospital bed, I took one last look at Bria, who lay there defeated. “I’m sorry this happened to you, but you know Ollie wouldn’t do this. You need to open your eyes. Who is the only person who has come to check on you since you’ve been here? I bet Isaac never fucking came in here.” The look on her face twisted and though I couldn’t read it, I knew she was a lost cause. I turned and walked away, heading straight for Ollie’s dorm.
Ollie’s things were already packed up and gone like he’d never been here. I collapsed over his mattress and closed my eyes. The rage boiled, and I could feel it first in my fist as I dug my nails into the palms of my hands. I jumped off the mattress, the same mattress we’d fallen asleep on so many times before. The same mattress where he’d read to me. The same mattress where we’d made love. Adrenaline pumping through my bloodstream, I grabbed the side of the mattress and threw it across the room as I cried out.
My face fell into my hands as I sobbed. My legs buckled as I collapsed to my knees. “What did Ollie ever do to you to deserve this?” I asked out loud, desperation in my tone, heart, and soul. Was I so desperate, I had turned to God? I had to be going insane. As I shook my head, the cries only deepened, coming from the pit of my stomach. “What the hell am I even doing … You never listened. You never helped. We’re your little puppets on a damn string as you sit on your throne and toy with people’s lives. Well, you know what? You’re fucking sick!”
Dropping my head, my eyes landed on Ollie’s phone in front of me along with The Notebook. It must have been under the mattress.
My cries faded as I held the phone in my trembling hand. The phone was on, but it only had a quarter of its battery life left. Gathering to my feet, I stuffed the phone into my back pocket and swiped the book off the floor before heading back to my room.
It was day two without Ollie. The fog from the day before had lifted, denial dissipated, but it hadn’t taken me along with it. I was stranded and alone, and all I could think about was what he must be going through. Where was he? Was he even still on campus at all?
I finished The Notebook, and I wondered if Ollie had noticed the same similarities in the story as I. It was Ollie who always reeled me back in, to fight for me, to wake me up, to bring me back, to remind me, like Noah reminded Allie. Ollie never did anything without a purpose. Every word, every action, every movement was carefully considered. He’d known since we first opened this book what it would take to find me inside my walls. He’d known this whole time how difficult it would be, and he allowed himself to love me, anyway.
Day three wasn’t any better, only worse. I ate, but only because I had to stay, and stay strong. I showered and spent the entire Sunday in the library because it was the place I could feel closest to him. Jake and Alicia tried to talk to me, but Ollie’s absence didn’t disrupt their lives as much as it corrupted mine. They couldn’t understand.
Zeke was my silent rock.
It was the first day back in classes, and I showered in the morning, ate breakfast, and attended the first class of my new schedule for the second semester. The halls reverberated, bodies bumped into one another, and I pushed my way back toward my dorm after my second class before I was pulled away from the hall and into a closet.
Black eyes sliced into me as Oscar backed me into a corner. The bulb hanging from the ceiling swayed back and forth, casting shadows and lights over Oscar’s face. “Hi, pet,” he sneered—a smirk forming on his face. If I didn’t have anything left to lose, I might have been scared, but I wasn’t afraid anymore. I knew it was only a matter of time before he would try to flush me out and get me alone. “Have you been keeping your pretty mouth shut?” He ran his fingers over my lips as he took a step closer.
“I don’t remember much, anyway.” I may not have been scared, but I was done being stupid.