“You can always bring your sister here. I’d love to talk to her.”
“I appreciate that, Mia, but she left this world nine months ago now. I didn’t protect her when I should have, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it.” I nodded, but my heart felt the depth of his sorrows as if they strangled me. “Anyway, thank you for your time. Call me if you come into any more trouble …” He rubbed his forehead and rolled his head back. “I keep forgetting … Don’t call me, Mia. Well, you can if you can, of course.” He shook his head. “Okay, I’m just going to walk out the door now.”
He turned, and my fingers shot out to stop him. He paused mid-step and turned back to face me. “I’m sorry about your sister, Ethan. She would be so proud of you.”
Ethan had moved me forward two steps in the last hour, and he would never be able to understand how he’d been a part of putting two more pieces back into their original places. He’d helped me, and all he’d had to do was sit there and listen.
“Thank you,” he sincerely said, and squeezed my hand before walking out the door.
Ethan was right. So many people who went through the same trauma as mine, and it would be a waste if I didn’t share my story and help others out of their darkness. If no one was there to hear them, to understand them, to carry them, I wanted to be that one.
I was discharged the day after with instructions from my Dark Angel to take it easy. “You’ll experience headaches, but don’t hesitate to stop in and I’ll give you something to ease the pain,” she explained. “You will resume class tomorrow.”
As I walked through the halls back to my room, the oversized gray sweatshirt and drawstring pants draped over my body. It was the only clothes the nurse had. Maintenance maneuvered their way, dorm by dorm while everyone was in class. They checked vents, and filtered through belongings. I was sure everyone would hate me, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was clearing Ollie’s name.
During lunch, gossip spread like wildfire. Isaac had been taken into custody while I had been recovering, Oscar was still M.I.A., and Ollie was still locked in solitary confinement. Bria sat in silence at her table with Jake and Alicia, her attention trained on the tray before her, but she wasn’t eating. Even though Bria was in denial about what had happened, I knew it wouldn’t be long before the aftermath of what Isaac had done to her would kick in. It wasn’t the fact she may never remember, but it was the knowing, and eventually, the knowing built walls without the need for memories. It was only a matter of time.
“Hi, Zeke,” I said as I sat across from him. “Sorry I wasn’t here yesterday.”
Zeke grunted and looked around. A part of me believed he was looking for Ollie. He wanted to see Ollie. I wanted to see Ollie. “He should be back soon.”
And that was how the rest of lunch went.
My appointment with Dr. Conway wasn’t canceled along with my classes. I was still required to see her. After I walked into her office, I avoided eye contact and took a seat on the leather couch. Our visits since Maddie’s return had fallen into a redundant routine: me being vague, and her being intrusive.
“I was going to visit you at the nurse’s station, but you were discharged before I had the chance,” she immediately explained.
It was an hour past noon, but shades of gray were smeared across the sky. Dr. Conway’s window faced the front of campus, and sitting in front of the building was a police car.
“Mia?”
“Yeah?” I lifted my head in time to see Dean Lynch and Officer Scott—I mean Ethan—exit the building and walk toward the police car.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
They shook hands, and for a split second, I caught Ethan with a smile. I had never seen his smile. It was hardly there, but the corner of his mouth lifted slightly, and my heart slowly unraveled from his sorrowful strangle.
“Ah, Ethan Scott … he’s got good genes.”
Cocking my head at Dr. Conway, I said, “You know him?”
“I was introduced. He starts here next week.”
“I thought he was a police officer?”
“He is. After what happened with Oscar, Dean Lynch found it necessary to strap down on security. He feels police presence is crucial for the safety of our students, and I couldn’t agree more, but don’t get any ideas. He’s a good one.”
“Afraid I’m going to corrupt him?” I smirked.
Dr. Conway peered down at me with an all-knowing glare.
“Relax. It’s not like that, anyway.” I turned back in the leather chair after Ethan got into his car. “I met him while I was in recovery. He told me about his sister, and it was the first time I think I comforted someone. I don’t know. It sounds ridiculous.” She was staring at me, wide eyes and smiling now. “Crap, I forgot I’m not talking to you. I’m still mad at you.”
Her smile disappeared as she narrowed her eyes. “What did I do?” I looked back at the window and watched the police car leave through gates. “Mia, now you’re being ridiculous.”
My head snapped back in her direction. “Why did you bring Maddie back?”
“You know I can’t talk about other students with you. That’s not fair.”
“She’s manipulative. She’s lying … She isn’t even taking her medication, you know.”
Dr. Conway crossed her legs and leaned her elbow over the desk. “This has been all about Maddie? You know, if you just would have talked to me from day one, it wouldn’t have had to go on this long, and you wouldn’t have over-analyzed this whole situation.”
I didn’t respond, so Dr. Conway continued, “One thing you need to learn, Mia, is you need to start getting it out. You have too much going on inside your head, and if you don’t let it out, one of two things will happen. Either you will have a panic attack, or your volcano will erupt like the time in the bathroom or the time you punched the wall.”
“What’s the point if you won’t even explain to me why you brought Maddie back?”
“Because if you never ask, the answer will always be no. A rejection is better than a regret. You can learn to live with rejection, but regret haunts you for the rest of your life.”
I fell back into the cracked leather and held my head in my hands. Exhaustion swallowed me entirely. My limbs were weak, my mind was mush, and all I wanted to do was cry, but I was too tired to deal with the tears.
“When was the last time you had a full six hours of sleep?” she asked, reading my mind and body language all at once. It had been a week since I’d had a full six hours. Since Ollie was taken, I hadn’t been able to sleep more than two hours at a time.