This was the universe’s way of dangling hope before him only to snatch it right back and tell Kieran he may as well stop trying. That even now, in the presence of his one possible chance at redemption, he was going to fail.
Again.
Kieran would always fail.
Chapter 23
When Effie could see again, the world was a mist-shrouded field. All around her delicate stalks of grass danced under a gentle breeze. It stretched on as far as she could see, which should have granted a sense of freedom, but only served to reinforce the sensation of being trapped. She was outside, true, but all she could make out in the distance was a wall of soft gray fog. Instead of being free, she was enclosed.
A part of her knew this was a vision, but it was unlike any she’d ever had. It was far too pretty to be one of her usual prophecies. She could feel the warmth of the sun even though she couldn’t see it. There was a timeless quality about this place. It was neither morning nor afternoon, just an indeterminate sort of in-between.
“Hello?” she called, her arms extended on either side of her body as she started weaving her way through the waist-high grass.
“Hello, child.”
Effie spun around, her heart caught in her throat as she searched for the owner of the unfamiliar voice. She hadn’t actually expected a response.
No one was there.
Anxious now, Effie crept forward. Any peace this place was supposed to impart vanished. Although she couldn’t see anyone, she did not for a second believe she was alone.
“Would it make you feel better if I appeared to you thusly?”
Effie’s eyes landed on the woman standing before her. She couldn’t seem to recall how to breathe. Not that it mattered here.
The woman was the epitome of ageless beauty. She had a flickering quality, as if she were constantly in a state of flux. One second, a young warrior queen—only to become a girl on the brink of womanhood in the next breath, and then shift once more into an ancient and gnarled crone. But always, no matter which form she was currently wearing, she was striking.
Her hair was the same spring-green of the field, her eyes a vibrant sky blue that shifted from pale storm clouds to the dead of night with each flicker of her visage. The woman’s skin was the color of a silvery birch, and the soft pink of dawn tinged her cheeks and lips. As she rippled once more, no more substantial than a reflection swaying on the surface of the ocean, Effie caught sight of a crown of starlight ringing her brow.
“Do not be afraid, child. I’ve known you since before you were born.”
“You and everyone else I come across these days.”
If she was capable of forethought, Effie would have refrained from speaking the words out loud. This did not seem like someone she wanted to offend. As it was, Effie hadn’t even realized she’d spoken until the woman’s laughter flowed around them, filling the air with her mirth.
Effie squinted, staring hard at the woman as she tried to place her. Effie knew for a fact she’d never met her, and yet . . . something about her was so familiar. Frustratingly so. Almost as if they’d known each other a long time ago, or maybe even in another lifetime—as if such a thing were even possible for her to recall, if it were possible at all.
“You seem to have caught me at a disadvantage,” Effie finally said. Her unspoken question echoed as loudly as the words she actually uttered. Who are you?
The woman beamed, and the beauty of it robbed Effie of breath. It was like bathing in sunshine. For no reason at all, tears pricked her eyes and it took more effort than it should have for Effie to keep from flinging herself into the woman’s arms.
“You know me, child. Although perhaps you prefer to believe otherwise. The path I laid before you has hardly been an easy one. I know you place the brunt of the blame for that at my feet. Rightly so, I suppose.”
The woman shifted again, and for one extended second, Effie thought she was staring into the face of her grandmother. Before she could react to seeing the beloved face, the truth of her companion’s identity slammed into her. Effie’s knees went weak, and she sank to the floor, her body trembling with the shock of her discovery.
Suddenly, she wasn’t sure where to look. Was it rude to meet her gaze? Should she genuflect? What was the proper way to greet a goddess? No, not just a goddess, the goddess. There wasn’t time to land upon an answer before the Mother knelt beside Effie, cupping her face with both hands.
“My poor, sweet girl. How you have suffered and yet . . . still you rise. Time and again you thrive when so many others wouldn’t know where to begin.” As she spoke, she brushed away the tears that fell unbidden from Effie’s eyes, her eyes gentle and her smile soft. “I know that you believe I had forsaken you, that I did not think you worthy to be one of my children, but that has never been the case. Your destiny was decided long before you were born.”
Effie’s throat was raw, and it was painful to pull the words forth. There was so much she wanted to say, so many questions she wanted to ask, and she didn’t know where to start. There were countless nights when her tears had run dry and her heart ached, where all she could manage was a single word. One word that somehow encompassed all of the pain and betrayal that consumed her. Why?
Why didn’t you choose me?
Why don’t they love me?
Why allow me to live at all when no one wants me?
“How my heart broke for you, watching what they did to you in my name. Every mother knows that she cannot intervene each time one of her children makes a mistake. At some point, they must find their way on their own. That does not mean I took any pleasure from your pain.” She tilted her head, her eyes moving over Effie’s face as her smile fell. “It was never that I didn’t choose you, Effie. You must know by now that you’ve always been one of my daughters—a very special one, at that.”
Resentment, anger, and decades-old hurt faded away. The explanation didn’t undo the past, but at least now Effie knew that all of that pain had been endured for a reason. Somehow, that made it a little easier to forgive.
“I fear that your trials have only just begun, Daughter. You have an important part to play in the years to come.”
“If that’s so, why allow me to be Shadow-touched? You almost lost me entirely.”
The goddess’ ancient eyes were filled with apology. “I needed him to turn you. The only way to unlock your full potential was with a Guardian’s power.”
Effie couldn’t help the little snort of disbelief that escaped. “You were sure counting on a lot of things to happen. What if Lucian hadn’t found the spell? Or hadn’t risked everything to try to save me?”
“There was never any doubt things would turn out this way.”
Effie shook her head. “Maybe not for you.”
She smiled at that. “It is no accident Lucian ended up here in this time or place. He is my gift to you. Your reward for all that you have sacrificed.”
It was such an absurd explanation. Effie couldn’t wait to tell Lucian he was a goddess’ gift to her. Proud, independent Lucian would just love to find out he was nothing more than a pawn in someone else’s game.
“I know it is hard for you to believe—that all of this needed to happen, in exactly this way. But it’s true. The only way I could appear to you like this was with a Guardian’s power running through your veins. Their ability to see the world as it truly is, combined with your ability to receive my warnings . . . no other before you has ever been so gifted.”