“Sounds like he’ll be in prison for the rest of his life.”
I pick up the pace on the stair climber, working up a light sweat. Kit shakes his head and leans on the front of my machine.
“I hope his fellow prisoners will do to him what he did to those kids,” Kit says, his gaze darkening. “He deserves…the worst humanity has to offer, I’ll just say that.”
I’ve never seen Kit so upset about anything. Emotion is swirling in his eyes and he actually looks on the verge of tears.
“You okay, man?” I ask, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Yeah.” He takes a deep breath and pushes off my machine. “I’ve gotta go, see you later.”
“See ya.”
I watch him as he leaves the training room, certain that he is not okay. Kit is one of those guys who keeps everything surface level. Everything is fun and games with him, and I’ve noticed something about him—he has women all over him when we go out, but he always goes home or back to his room alone.
I’ve never known Kit to spend the night with any woman, but anyone who wasn’t paying close attention wouldn’t know that. He flirts and I can tell when he really likes a woman, but he never pursues more than a little making out in public.
Maybe he had his heart crushed at some point, I don’t know. I won’t repeat what I’ve noticed or pry about it, though, because I know how it feels to want privacy.
More players and trainers come into the locker room, everyone buzzing about the arrest of our season-ticket holding VIP fan earlier today. I put my headphones on to signify that I don’t want to talk. I also don’t want to listen. Every word they say just reminds me of the reality I don’t want to face—Rey leaving.
“Where are you going next?” I ask Rey later that evening as we talk in my kitchen over Chinese carryout.
“I’m not sure. I have a guess, because I know there’s a task force working a big case out west, but I won’t find out until I’m ready to return to the field.”
I push a piece of Mongolian beef around my plate, feeling like a guy whose puppy just got kicked. I hate this feeling.
“I’ll miss you,” I admit.
Rey is quiet for a few seconds before she says, “I’ll miss you, too. So much. I’ve never…”
“What?”
She sets her fork down, meeting my eyes across the kitchen table. “I’ve never wished I could stay anywhere after I finished a job. I was always ready to move on and kick more ass. But this time…” She shakes her head and looks away. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does, though. What we’re you gonna say?”
Rey turns to look at me again, her expression sad as she says, “This time I wish I could stay. If I could…I’d ask you out, Jonah. On a real date.”
I give her a wry smile and say, “No, I’d ask you out. That’s how it works with real men.”
She lowers her brows. “Real men don’t accept when a woman asks them out?”
This woman. She gets me going in every possible way, and damn, do I love it.
“No, a real man doesn’t put a woman in that position. If he knows there’s chemistry, he makes the move. He doesn’t want to risk losing her. He wants her to know he’s man enough to put himself out there and ask, knowing she could shoot him down.”
The intensity in Rey’s expression matches the way I’m feeling right now. Our eyes stay locked, the air between us charged with energy, before she softly says, “There’s definitely chemistry.”
“Yeah. And…” I struggle to find the words. “And you mean a lot to me, too.”
She closes her eyes. “I wish there was a way. I’ve been thinking about it all day.”
“Me too.”
When she opens her eyes to look at me, the shine of her tears sends me from my seat around to the other side of the table, where I bend down to pull her into my arms.
“I can’t even do a long-distance relationship because I’ll be working undercover again,” she says, holding on to me tightly. “If I could still talk to you every night and at least see you on weekends…”
“I know, babe.”
“But I can’t.”
I pull back and take her hand, leading her to the living room, where we sit side by side on the couch. She wipes her tears from her face with one hand and puts the other one on my knee.
“I wouldn’t be happy if I quit my job for a man,” she says, sighing. “Even you.”
“I’d never ask you to do that.”
“But keeping my job means I can’t talk to you or see you once I leave here. I mean, I could see you in between assignments, but that’s only a few days every so many months most of the time, and…”
“It’s not enough,” I finish, putting an arm around her.
She smiles at me through her tears. “Why do you have to be so amazing, Jonah West? Why do you make me want to be your girlfriend? I’ve never felt this way, and I have to admit, I’m not sure I completely like it.”
“That’s because you like being in control, and for once, you’re not.”
She gives me a sharp look. “Because what, you are?”
I have the best laugh I’ve had all day. “Fuck no, I’m not. Do I look in control to you? I fucking ate ice cream for lunch like some wallowing teenager.”
Rey laughs with me and then gives me a sheepish look. “I’m sorry.”
“At the risk of sounding like a therapist, which I definitely am not, I get it. What happened to you when you were a kid is unthinkable. Your world fell out from under you and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it.”
Looking down at her lap, Rey softly says something I’ve heard her say before, “My grandma stepped up and took care of me, though.”
“Hey, look at me.” I brush Rey’s hair behind her ear on the side that’s facing me so I can see her face clearly as she looks up and over. “You can say that to everyone else when you talk about it. That’s your way of gutting up and saying you could have had it worse, I know that. But not with me. I see you, Rey. I know the truth. You lost your mother forever as a little girl and the man who killed her was supposed to love and protect both of you. That’s fucking hard, and I’d be shocked if you didn’t have trust issues.”
Her expression crumbles. Rey leans her forehead against my shoulder as she cries. Not silent tears, but powerful sobs that shake her shoulders. I close my eyes and kiss the top of her head, wishing I could take the pain away. It’s part of who she is, though, and I love every inch of her.
When she’s out of tears to cry, Rey looks up at me, her dark eyes red-rimmed and swollen.
“Do you think you can ever love another woman?” she asks in a small voice. “I see you, too, and I know your wife was your everything.”
My heart catches, both from the mention of Lily and from the hope in Rey’s voice. I swallow hard and cup her tear-stained cheek in my hand.
“She was my everything, but she’s gone. And I know she’d want me to keep living.”
“I’m nothing like her. I’m not good, or sweet or patient.”