I cleared my throat. “It’s hardly a vibe. It’s more like a heatwave of sexual tension, so thick you could bottle it.” I whipped out my phone and showed them a shot I’d taken of Kate and Jake dancing at Lily’s recent wedding. The best man and the maid of honor. Even though he held her at arm’s length, and even though the shot wasn’t a close-up, it was impossible to miss the smolder in his eyes as he stared at the brunette beauty.
Kate waved a hand dismissively, taking a drink of her coffee. “I assure you there is nothing brewing between us. But speaking of brewing,” she said, turning to me, “how is it living with sexy, charming, better-than-the-boy-next-door Adam?”
Those damn butterflies had the audacity to sweep through me once more.
At the mere mention of Adam’s name.
Lily leaned forward and batted her lids, getting in on the fun. “Yes, do tell. I’m sure it’s sooo easy to spend your nights and mornings with that handsome man who treats you like a queen.”
My face heated. Why was I so transparent?
Maybe because Lily and Kate were right. Adam was all those things.
And so much more, as I’d learned last night.
Last night.
It had been less than twenty-four hours since he’d found my list, and already I’d experienced an inordinate amount of morning-after tingles and far too many chest flutters. This had to stop. I had to keep everything on the sex-and-only-sex level.
And the sex so far had been better than my wildest fantasies, and my fantasies were lawless.
“He’s great, and it’s fun,” I said in a cheery voice, squaring my shoulders.
Lily hummed, a doubtful sound. “And your eyes say otherwise.”
“What do they say?”
Kate shrugged, a grin on her face. “You tell us.”
And the thing was, I wanted to tell them. They were my best friends. They knew me. They understood my choices. They respected my decisions. They never pressured me to go after a guy or to try to shed my virginity with just anyone simply for the sake of losing it once and for all. All the guys I’d dated were not the right ones, and they never pushed me over cosmos or a girls’ night out to ditch my V card.
Now I was twenty-four. The risks my sister had faced and surmounted weren’t risks for me. I had a degree, a business, and a home I owned. That didn’t mean I wanted a baby, but the teenage-pregnancy specter was long gone. And I was religious with protection. Radically religious.
But that wasn’t what tonight would be about.
It wasn’t about the choices I’d made back when I was in high school. It was about the freedom to make a new round of choices as a grown woman.
I was in full control of my life.
And I wanted to be in full control of my sexuality.
To own it completely.
I was ready.
And I was ready for something else.
To tell my friends, as Adam had sensed I’d want to do. He was right. I wanted to share this huge step with my girls.
I downed some of my Earl Grey latte, then took a deep breath. “Have you heard of Ask Aphrodite?”
They shook their heads.
I took out my phone and clicked on the episode I’d listened to this morning, giving one AirPod to Lily and one to Kate.
A listener asked a seemingly simple question, but the more I mulled it over, the more I realized it wasn’t simple at all.
The question begins like this: “How do I know when I’m ready? Truly ready to try something new? I think about kinky things all the time. I wonder what it’ll feel like to explore naughtier shores. To try all sorts of risqué and daring acts. But what if I don’t like it when I do?”
This is an excellent question.
Life is full of what-ifs. You don’t know if you’re going to like a massage before you go, and maybe you like a certain masseuse but not another. Perhaps you try a new restaurant that has rave reviews, and it falls short. Or the opposite occurs.
Sex is the same. You might love giving fellatio to one man and not to another.
Or maybe a certain lover can bring you to orgasm in ways no one else has. In places on your body you never imagined you’d want to be touched.
How do you know?
You don’t know. Until you try.
And when you try, don’t think of sex as failing or succeeding. Think of it as the journey to discovery.
To discovering everything you like.
As wiser people than me have said—it’s not about the destination, but the journey. And enjoying the ride to your heart’s and body’s content.
They removed the AirPods.
Kate raised a brow, and Lily gave me a what does this mean look.
I drew another breath and took another step on my personal journey. “I’m sleeping with Adam tonight. We made a deal. I’m giving him my virginity because I trust him. Because I’m ready. Because it’s time. And when we’re done, we’ll walk away as friends.”
Lily choked on her latte.
Kate nearly dropped her coffee. “What? Why?”
Lily set down her drink, collecting herself before she added, “Be careful, Nina.”
“I’m on protection,” I said, reminding her. “You know that.”
“No. I mean be careful with this.” Lily tapped her heart.
But how could I be anything but careful? I knew the score.
All I had to do was keep my head on straight about the final destination—friendship.
That way, the journey would be filled only with pleasure.
Starting in a few more hours.
16
Nina
His text arrived shortly before seven as I emailed some shots to Marco and Evangeline. My phone vibrated next to me on my desk. I grabbed it, eager.
Adam: I’ll be home in thirty minutes. On the dot. Be on your knees in the living room, waiting for me. Wear what you had on when you were on your hands and knees in bed the other night riding your toy while I slept quietly a room away.
With the phone in hand, I practically sprinted to my bedroom, yanking open the drawer with my sleep clothes. Sleep shorts and tanks, like I wore the other night. But I’d taken off the shorts and the panties. I grabbed a white tank, tossed it on the bed, then took a quick shower. When I was done, I spread cherry lotion on my legs, dusted some blush on my cheeks, and slicked on some lip gloss.
I set my glasses in their case and popped in a pair of contacts.
I checked the time.
Fifteen more minutes. I grabbed my tablet, clicking to some of my favorite photographers’ pages, checking out their new work. I was always on the hunt for inspiration, whether it was new angles or styles and colors. I bookmarked a few images I liked, stopping briefly at a shot of a couple on a bed. A man kissed the hollow of a woman’s throat, while she seemed to gaze knowingly at the camera. I imagined what came next, pictured them stripping each other, and saw the camera capturing it all.
But when I looked at the image again, I didn’t see some unknown couple. I saw Adam and me, and I gasped then moaned.
Yes.
I wanted that.
All of that.
And I wanted him to know how much.
I checked the clock. Ten more minutes. Just enough time to give him a surprise gift.