But the fact that she’d just met Luke made the honest side of her not want to say those meaningful words yet. She wanted to wait to say them until the very moment that she knew she’d found the single individual in life who she only ever wanted to say them to again. The fact that her prior relationship would say those words to her to only reel her back into being abused weighed on Nikki’s mind as she was held suspended in Ryan’s arms. She knew the gravity of those words and didn’t want to say them back to lead him on … at least, until she knew she’d be able to say them to just him.
“Ryan, I just need some more time. I’m almost ready to love someone again - I almost am. I just never expected to meet someone like you, and I’m still getting used to the idea that someone as amazing as you would be in my life.”
As soon as Nikki began saying those words, she knew exactly where she’d gotten them from. They were the same words that Luke had said to her last night. She knew how they would give Ryan hope, as she had been given it just one night ago from Luke. Ryan’s hope would not be wrong. Ryan was amazing. And as date after date had gone by during the past year, she’d lost hope of ever finding a man as amazing as Ryan in her life. Now, here he was. This personable, funny, and sexy man who was opening up and expressing himself better while showing a genuine interest in Nikki.
Ryan put Nikki down, but still wrapped his arms around her tightly. “Nikki, what aren’t you telling me?”
The question lingered in Nikki’s mind. She knew the answer was that she’d met Luke again last night and that she had now genuinely fallen equally in love with two very different men. But she couldn’t find the courage to admit that. So, instead, she divulged the other part of herself which she never had opened up to a man about.
“Ryan, it’s just that …” She started before trailing off.
Ryan kissed her quickly but passionately on her lips, comforting her reluctancy. “Hey, you can tell me anything. Anything.”
Nikki looked deeply into Ryan’s handsome eyes. “It’s just that I was in a very abusive relationship before. I even helped put him in jail for what I was put through. So, that’s why it takes me longer…”
“I get it,” Ryan said abruptly before pulling her in for a hug which made Nikki melt again in its securing comfort.
She was glad that Ryan didn’t ask any more details about that prior relationship. Though those prior experiences had an effect on who she’d become, she still locked them away in the recesses of her memory – hoping that they were locked away just like that man, her prior fiancé, was now locked away.
She snuggled into Ryan’s arms for a couple more seconds before looking up at him and kissing him on the lips. “Thank you. I’m so lucky to have found you.”
“Tomorrow?” Ryan asked, signaling that he was hoping to see her again tomorrow.
“I have to work all day tomorrow to prepare for a wedding at night.” This wasn’t the truth she had a date scheduled with Luke - but Nikki didn’t want to make Ryan suspicious of why she was really avoiding seeing him tomorrow. “So how about the day after?”
Ryan smiled and kissed her on the lips again. “Deal,” he said. Ryan then opened her car door for her as she got in.
Nikki pulled away, watching Ryan in her rearview mirror. She couldn’t help but be consumed with a recipe of emotions. Incredible happiness at having finally found a man with all the qualities that she’d wanted. Regret, for not having jumped on his strong sexiness more just now before running away in fear. And appreciation for everything that he’d done for her tonight on the date. As the outline of Ryan standing in the street turned into a silhouette in the night in her rearview mirror, she smiled at the incredible state of happiness that she was now in.
Nikki’s glance shifted to the road ahead, wondering what the road ahead in her life brought. She then pulled up to an intersection, having the option of only going right or left. As the red light lingered, she looked left and right. She had two paths. She knew they would both take her home, but she genuinely didn’t know which one she would take.
Chapter 20
Nikki’s work shift went slower during the day than she would have liked. It dragged on for multiple reasons. For one, all she could think about was the predicament she was now in with the two men. The other reason her shift dragged on was because she was trying to avoid interacting with Sara. She knew Sara would read her like a book and would make her divulge all of the details. And Nikki didn’t yet know how to explain the fact that she was really in love with two men.
“Alright, spill it, girl,” Sara said bluntly toward the end of the day. Nikki was right. Sara read her perfectly and was now trying to coax the info out of her.
Nikki sighed heavily in response, her eyes searching around their workplace for any way to avoid the truth.
“C’mon, Nikki. I’m not kidding. Something’s been on your mind all day.” Sara’s tone went from pushy to concerned as she read Nikki’s hesitation even more. Sara walked over next to her and took her apron off. “Hey, I mean it. What’s wrong?”
Nikki was so incredibly appreciative of having found such a close friend in the entirety of this crazy city. Realizing this made Nikki finally open up.
“I’ve fallen in love with two men – two very different men.” Nikki was embarrassed to say it out loud for the first time to anyone.
But her confession only made Sara smile in excitement. “Really?!”
Nikki was confused about why Sara was so excited, and the look she gave Sara in response told her that.
“I mean, Nikki – that’s great!”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, this whole time I’ve been worried if you’d ever fall in love again. And now, you’ve done it twice!”
“Yeah, but how do I choose?”
“Who says you have to?”
“You’re kidding.”
“Yeah, I’m kidding. Ok, here’s what you do. Next time you go out with one of them, treat them badly. I’m talking burp loudly after you drink something. Forget to kiss them hi. Stare at your phone a lot. That type of stuff.”
Nikki could tell that Sara was still joking, and her friend’s joking had begun to brighten her mood. No longer did she feel weighed down by the decision she knew she’d have to make. Instead, the support Sara was giving her brought an encouraged perspective into focus.
Sara could read Nikki’s change in demeanor, so she laid down the punchline to her joke: “Because the only way to find out which one of them is marriage material is to act like you’re married.”
Nikki actually laughed out loud at Sara’s joke, and Sara stood there with a sly smile at how smooth her joke had been set up.
“C’mon,” Sara said, “tell me about the two guys.”
“Well, you know a little about them both already.”
An expression crossed Sara’s face of a lightbulb illuminating. “That’s right. You asked Ryan on a second date, but then ran into Luke at the wedding a couple of days ago.”
Nikki nodded.
“You’re right,” Sara continued, “tough choice.”