That’s the end of my speech. And I have to say, I delivered it exactly as I had planned. I don’t forgive him. I’m happy he’s clean and appreciate his apology, but the damage he inflicted is long-lasting. Is unforgivable. It’s not the sort of thing that can be excused with one speech.
Florian’s face falls into his hands, his body begins to shake, and I do everything in my power not to care. To ignore the stubborn, resistant part of me that loved this man like he was my universe. I look away. I stare down at the street. I think about a million other things than his pain. Let him cry, I tell myself. He deserves to feel this. I’ve cried for years.
“Naomi—”
He never calls me Naomi. Always Nai.
I shake my head, swallowing down my own tears. I don’t feel better and I don’t understand it.
“Sweetheart. Fuck. I just—” His hand grasps my arm, squeezing me enough to compel me to turn away from the street and back to him, though it’s genuinely the last thing I want to do. “I didn’t know. I thought—”
He raises his bloodshot eyes and I go in for the kill. “Thought I was a lying, manipulative bitch? Thought I was every other girl you sank your dick into? Yep. I know. Message received.”
He shakes his head adamantly, tumbling out of his chair in the middle of this celebrity-filled, snobby, upscale restaurant in Los Angeles. I know people are watching. But I don’t care, and he doesn’t seem to either. He falls to his knees, turning my chair and twisting me until he’s before me, staring at me, and I shatter.
“You can’t…” Another head shake. His hands cup my face, holding me so tenderly, and a tear escapes before I can stop it. “I didn’t…” A harsh breath. “I didn’t know. I swear to fucking God, I didn’t know. You didn’t look…that woman at the Grammys? I never touched her other than that one kiss. I never touched any of them. I was trying to hurt you, yes, but none of it was real. And I’m so sorry. God, Nai. I am so unbelievably sorry I did all that to you. That you lost our baby that way. That I never called you back. That I hurt you over and over again.”
I push him off me and he falls back, glances around quickly at all the curious eyes, and then gets back up into his chair, wiping at his face and sipping more of his water. Dick.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“No. I Just—”
“Nope,” I interrupt before he can continue. “You didn’t call me back. You made me tell you I was pregnant over a voicemail, and then you brought another woman to the Grammys knowing I was. You stared at my belly like it was a joke. Like I was a joke as you made a fool out of me in front of the entire world.”
“Naomi. No…” Reaching out, he grasps my hand, tugging it straight to his chest, over his pounding heart. “I love you. I’ve loved you forever. Please,” he begs, his voice catching. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t. It was the drugs. They poisoned everything. My mind. My heart. My soul. I was so lost in them. So blind and stupid. Jesus, Naomi. All I know is that I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“I hate you,” I sneer.
His face crumples, but he recovers quickly, his expression growing smug and irritatingly confident. “You don’t. You love me so much. You always have. I know I made a mistake.” I can’t even with that word. Is he kidding me? Mistake? “I want to start over with you.”
“Florian—”
“Just hear me out,” he barks desperately, but the waiter comes and delivers bread, my bowl of soup, and Florian’s oysters, and seriously, who gives a fuck about food? I have zero appetite. Just the sight of this heavy, creamy soup makes my stomach roll. Instead, I take a sip of my wine, which is probably stupid, but it’s good and it seems to be settling my stomach.
And strangely, my thoughts drift to Gus.
About his favorite moment.
I think about the type of man he is in comparison to Florian. I think about how Gus is with Adalyn. How tender and soft he is with me. How he listens to me. Hears me and never once judges. How much fun he and I have had these past couple of weeks despite our shared heartache. How he didn’t call me today and doesn’t want me the way I think I want him.
But, that last part, that’s not really what I’m focusing on.
If I were his Viola and he were my Gus…he would have reacted very differently than Florian did. If I were his Viola…if I had called him, he would have called me back and afforded me the benefit of telling him I was pregnant in person. And I would never have gone through that surgery alone. Gus is honest and protective, and he cares so much it bleeds from his every pore.
But… I’m not Gus’.
And despite the moment I’m stuck in with Florian, part of me aches for that. To be so loved and coveted and worshiped. Christ, why did he have to kiss me?
“I want us to spend time together.” Florian’s voice snaps me back to the moment. “Go somewhere private. Get to know each other again.”
I snort out a sarcastic laugh. “No. I can’t do that. Even if I wanted to, which I’m positive I don’t, I’m working.”
Florian shrugs, unconcerned. “Lyric can find Gus Diamond another duet partner,” he says dismissively, and this just pisses me off.
“You know about the duet?”
“Of course, I know.”
“I made a commitment. I’m on the album. I’m the one.”
“You mean with Gus Diamond.”
Ah. Now we’re getting to it. Why he suddenly showed up. “Yes.” Only, that’s a bit of a lie the way I’m presenting it. I should care. I’m not Florian, after all. But I don’t care, because I don’t care that I want him to hurt.
Florian seethes, sitting back in his chair and tossing an oyster down his throat like the bastard had it coming. “So, you’re with him now? That Gus guy?”
Gus and his band are twice what Crawl By Night are now.
I shrug indifferently, stirring the spoon around in the thick pink soup. Let him extrapolate whatever the hell he wants from that. Liar, liar, pants of fire, my inner conscious chides. Screw that. Let Florian stew.
“He doesn’t love you. He loves that woman. His sister-in-law or whatever. It was all over the tabloids. Or did you forget?”
No, I certainly didn’t forget.
“The duet is not the only reason I don’t want to go somewhere with you. You can’t just wipe away what you did to me with one word. I’m thrilled you’re clean, Flor. I am. But that doesn’t mean I want to try again with you. I don’t. I never will.”
Florian shakes his head. “I wanted to come to you sooner. The moment I got out of rehab, I was headed your way. But both Casper and my sponsor convinced me to give it more time sober before I could try to win you back. And any time I asked Lyric about you, she always said you didn’t have anyone serious in your life.”
I hate that he spoke to Lyric about me. That she told the truth. “So, Casper told you Gus Diamond was at my place, and you saw pictures of me with him and thought you’d swoop in and win me back?”
“Something like that.” At least he admitted it. “Nai, you’re too big to do this song with those guys. You’re going to come back with me. We’ll make music together again. Gus is not good for you. I am. I know you. I know what you need.”