I can’t speak.
I’m not sure Naomi can either, but all too soon, our little bubble of comfort is popped by a shadow looming over my face, eclipsing out the warm sun. I blink open and Naomi shifts, likely doing the same. “I’m so sorry.” It’s the kid who crashed into her and he’s a mess. His face is red, his eyes glassy, and he’s crying. I sit up, taking Naomi with me. “I didn’t know what I was doing,” he continues in between hiccupped sobs. “I was trying to show off for my friends over there.” he points somewhere I don’t care enough about to look. “I got scared and then I saw you and I-I’m just…”
He blows out a breath, trying to rein it in and failing. His face meets his hands and he starts trembling uncontrollably. Shit. I release Naomi and she stands up, hugging the kid and whispering words I cannot hear into his ear. He nods against her, releasing his face and hugging her fiercely back.
I scrub my hands up and down my face and over my hair.
My body aches so deep I feel it in my bones.
I drag my ass up and off the sand just as Naomi finally extracts herself from the kid. His brown eyes meet mine and he gives me a slight nod, his lips a tight, quivering line. I return the nod because even though I want to kill him for giving me the scare of my life, I can’t.
He’s just a kid.
And for a second, I think of Jasper. Of what he went through on the beach that day all those years ago when our mom died. He was just a kid, younger than this one, and he waded in too deep. Our mom, who could not swim, went in after him and drowned while Jasper sat on that beach all alone.
While they dragged her body out of the water and worked on her.
Emotion paralyzes me, and the moment Naomi turns to find me, she sees it. “Hey,” she whispers, her hand covering my face, and her touch is my total undoing. I snatch this woman and tuck her back into my chest, holding on for dear life because it feels like I am. Like, at any second, I could lose her.
And I don’t just mean to the water, though that point was driven painfully home.
“I love you,” I whisper to her because I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.
This woman. The one right here in my arms. I love more than my own life. I would have died out there today for her, and I cannot waste another second without her knowing all that she means to me.
I pull back and I cup her face and I say it again, this time staring into her eyes that own me, body and soul. “I love you. I don’t have a lot of flowery words and perfect prose to follow all that up. To drive that point home. I’m a simple guy, Naomi. I’m black and white. And I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything and fuck.” I shake my head, unable to breathe or swallow or fucking think. “I can’t lose you, baby. Not to the water. Not to another man. Not to anything.”
Her breath hitches high in her throat, her blue eyes clinging to mine with a desperation I not only recognize but match. “I love you too. So much that I’m terrified of it. It consumes me, Gus. It fills me. And a love that powerful…” She shakes her head in my hands. “It’s such a weapon. It can decimate all it touches if it so desires.”
“Not this love. Not this time. This is the love we’ll tell our grandchildren about. It’s the one we’ll make everyone jealous of. It’s the sort of love that is almost too powerful to be contained, but we make it look easy. It’s just us, Naomi. And I swear to you, I’ll never let anyone break it apart.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Naomi
* * *
Gus and I walk up the beach in a daze. Silent. Contemplative. Our bodies are touching, and our minds are scattered. I’ve never had a close call like that before and I’ve been surfing since I was a kid. But… I glance up at him, watching as he stares menacingly out at the water as if he has a personal vendetta against it.
Which I suppose he does.
The things that must be running through his mind.
I was watching Gus today. I was worried about Gus and because of that, I wasn’t focused on myself. And I nearly got very hurt or worse. I shouldn’t have let him go out there. That’s on me. I’m the seasoned surfer. Not him.
“My brother sat on the beach while they dragged my mother from the water and tried to resuscitate her. He watched the whole thing while blaming himself.” Gus’ voice catches, his eyes misty, and I reach out and take his hand, holding it in mine. “I shouldn’t have been out there today,” he says, echoing the thoughts I was just having. “I was doing it to be with you. To try to impress you, and it was dangerous and stupid.” He huffs out an angry breath and I can only shake my head at the way he just so clearly read my mind. “I’m sorry, Naomi. It’s my fault this happened.”
“It was my fault, Gus. I shouldn’t have let you go out there. I wasn’t thinking and—”
He shakes his head, stopping me, his tormented eyes meet mine. “I couldn’t have done that with you.” My eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Lost you the way Jasper and I lost our mom. Went through what he went through that awful day.”
And I couldn’t have done that with him.
That’s it, right? The ultimate truth. Losing love, losing loved ones, is meant to be an inevitability. I have firsthand knowledge of that. But what happens when you suddenly realize that’s no longer an option for you?
That you’d risk life and limb and everything in between to prevent that.
I thought I had that with Florian, but somehow, with Gus, everything feels different.
“How old was he?”
“Eight.”
My breath seizes in my lungs and tears form in my eyes before I can even contemplate holding them off. Eight. I think of Adalyn at the age of four. I think of Adalyn if Gus…
I shake my head again, swallowing hard and staring up at the sun so it can do its fucking job and dry my eyes.
“We were lucky today, beautiful,” Gus declares, and all I can do is nod solemnly.
We continue on, up the beach, each carrying boards, and I wish we weren’t. I wish I was home already. I wish it was just us alone in my home.
We enter through my mudroom and drop our boards. I don’t even get my wetsuit off before Gus is scooping me up into his arms and entering the house. He carries me across the first floor, up the stairs, and into my bathroom at the back of the house. Stripping me down without a word on his lips, his eyes are serious, his expression telling me he’s not to be messed with.
He turns on the water of the shower and we both step in.
The second the hot water hits my cold skin, I hiss out in relief. Gus wraps his arms around me, holding me closer than anyone ever has before. His face meets my wet hair, kissing it over and over until he pulls away, going for my shampoo. Pouring some into his hand, he spreads it across my hair and begins to lather it up. The scent of jasmine and vanilla surrounds us as he goes about washing me. I pour some into my own hands, trying to reach his head and laughing when I don’t quite get there.
Gus grins down at me, a sparkle in his eyes that hardly covers the desire beneath it.
“You’re too tall.”
“You’re too short.”
“Then bend down so I can reach.”