She loves to watch us play.
“Keith,” she whispers, and I smile, turning to look at her in the passenger seat. She’s so pretty when she smiles it makes my chest flutter.
I haven’t seen her smiles in so long. Not the real ones anyway, which is what this is.
Her smiles haven’t touched her eyes in months. Maybe longer. I don’t even know anymore. But tonight feels different, and it fills me with a burgeoning hope.
She had fun at the party. She laughed and danced with her friends.
Maybe she’s finally starting to get better?
I reach out and touch her face, the bones sharp yet fragile beneath my fingers. The hollow dip of her cheek is more pronounced than it was even a few weeks ago. I frown a little at that before I can stop it, a swell of anxiety filling up my gut.
She catches my expression and pulls away, staring straight ahead and out the car window. I take her hand, bringing it up to my lips, and press a kiss into her palm. “Tonight was fun.”
She nods, turning back to me and her face has more of that glow it had before I touched her cheek. “It was. I’m so glad I came out with you.”
“School starts in a week. Senior year.”
“And you’re leaving for California when that’s all done.”
I chuckle at her excited yet insistent tone. “If the Crimson Tide and my father don’t get their hands on me first.”
She shakes her head, her smile light and playful. “No way. You’re meant for the stage, Keith Dawson. Bright lights and drumsticks.”
“And you’ll be there front row.”
“No matter what, I’m forever and always your biggest fan.”
I stare into her eyes and kiss her palm again. Knowing she loves it when I do that.
“You should get in before your mama comes out here and breaks my hide for keeping you out late,” I tell her though I hate the idea of her going inside and our perfect night ending.
Her smile widens, her pale blue eyes glittering against the sliver of moonlight that somehow manages to seep into the car. “She’s asleep. Both of my parents are.”
I laugh, bouncing my eyebrows suggestively. “Are you inviting me in then with you, babe?”
She shakes her head, her smile faltering a bit. “Not tonight.”
There’s something in her voice that tears at me a little and I can’t understand what it is. Did I say something wrong? She hasn’t let me touch her in so long and all I want to do is touch her. Show her how much I love her.
How none of that other stuff matters to me because I’m here with her to the end.
“Good night, Keith. I love you.”
I lean across the seat and kiss her lips. She opens for me instantly, her tongue sweeping against mine. Warm. Soft. Wet. “I love you too, babe. See you tomorrow, okay? Breakfast, right? I’ll be back early for you.”
“Night.” She steps out of the car and it’s like she’s gone. Disappeared. Swallowed up by the blackness of night.
Streaks of her platinum blonde hair ghost across my face and I reach out, trying to grasp at the strands only to have them slip through my fingers one by one. My heart starts to pound.
I can’t find her.
I can’t see her.
I can’t feel her.
My heart is beating too fast. Slow down. But it can’t. I try to take a deep breath and all I hear is a gasping sound. Is that me? No. It can’t be. Her room is bright. All the lights are on and it’s hurting my eyes. Why are her lights on? Dread and fear cling icily to my skin as I drift toward her bathroom. I call out to her, but she doesn’t respond.
Come on, babe. Answer me.
Ring. Ring. Ring. The sound is blaring through my head, scattering my thoughts. Pulling me away from her room. Away from her bathroom.
I’m dreaming. I need to wake up. WAKE UP!
I don’t want her to die tonight.
My eyes snap open, my chest heaving in rhythm with my pounding heart. Cold sweat covers my body and I shudder, sitting up and blinking as I frantically look around.
Home. I’m home in my bed.
Fuck! I haven’t had a nightmare in months.
Startling me out of my dark thoughts, my phone starts to ring on my nightstand, and I realize that’s what interrupted my dream. I’m grateful for it until it dawns on me that it’s only a little after two in the morning and this is the second time they’ve called in as many minutes.
Scrambling quickly across my bed, I grasp my phone in my hand, swiping to accept the call when I see it’s, Gus. “Hey,” I answer immediately. “What’s wrong?” Because Gus never calls in the middle of the night. Not like this anyway.
“She’s in labor,” he says, and I sag against my headboard with relief at the jubilant sound of his voice. I rub a hand up and down my face, trying to wipe away the residual heartache and panic of my dream. “Fucking Viola is in labor. Jasper just called. They’re at the hospital.”
I grew up with these boys. My bandmates. My brothers from other mothers.
And because of that, part of me is tempted to tell him about the dream I was just having. Always the same dream. Every damn time I dream about her. No matter what.
Only tonight I never made it into the bathroom.
I mentally shake my head. I don’t think telling him would accomplish anything other than making him worried about me. Not to mention, this is clearly not the time for that.
“That’s amazing. Wow. Another baby.” I sit up a little straighter, the residue of devastation slipping away as I think about the new life that will be born tonight. A life that I already love because it belongs to Jasper and Viola and they belong to me.
He chuckles into the phone. “Did I wake you out of a dead sleep? You sound out of it.”
I wince at the description he just used and ask, “Where are you?” instead of answering him because it sounds like he’s in the car.
“On my way, dude. Naomi went over to Jasper’s to stay with Adalyn so Jasper and Vi didn’t have to wake her and drag her along.”
Good. That’s good. I can’t imagine how jarring all of this will be for four-year-old Adalyn, so her getting a goodnight sleep and then meeting her new baby brother or sister is the way to go. “I think it’s a boy,” I tell him.
“I’m still going with another girl and if I win, you owe me a grand and so does Henry.”
Speaking of… “Did you call Henry yet?”
Gus snorts into the phone. “He’s my next call. Come on. Get out of bed and come meet my new niece or nephew.”
Gus disconnects the call and I climb out of bed, ambling into the bathroom as I force myself to shut my thoughts off. To focus on the new baby being born into our lives. I turn the shower onto hot and the tap on the sink to cold. I splash some water on my face and find my haunted eyes in the mirror.
Guilt swarms through my chest like a hive of angry bees. Will this feeling ever go away? Will the nightmares ever stop? Will I ever be whole again?
Gus has Naomi. Jasper has Viola and Adalyn and now his new baby.
Henry is happy living his bachelor existence.
And I have none of that.
Worse yet, I don’t see how I ever will again. Not when I’ve already lost everything.
* * *
Love to Tempt You is coming early 2021 (the date on Amazon is not the release date; it’s more of a placeholder). But I can tell you it’s a very sexy, forbidden romance with ALL the feels!! You can pre-order it HERE!