Another quality of a man I’m not used to.
“You can’t do that to me. You can’t die. I thought I had broken every bone in your ribcage when I did CPR. You weren’t breathing, and I—”
“Sebastian,” I catch him off-guard and swipe his tears away just like he did mine. It has been a long time coming, this moment. I hate it has to be like this, in a hospital room, where I know I looked half-haggard and dead. “I’m here now because of you.” I leave out that I survived every day over the last six years for him. I don’t want to put that on his shoulders. “You saved me. You have no idea just how many times,” I admit, cupping the back of his neck with my hand. “I thought for certain Kendrick was here, and then I heard your voice, and I thought I must finally be dead and in Heaven.”
“Please, don’t talk like that.” He leans away from me and stares at the wall. I already miss the warmth of his forehead against. “You have no idea just how close you were to death. What happened, Gabriella? How did you wash up on shore? It was sheer luck Owen found you; if he hadn’t…”
“I would be shark food.” I try to lighten the mood, but his eyes narrow.
“It isn’t funny, Gabriella.” He yanks his hand away from mine and stands, pacing the room. “I can’t believe you would even joke about your life like that.” He runs his fingers through his luscious head of black hair and then scrubs a hand down his face. “Do you value yourself so little?”
“Yes,” I answer truthfully, turning my head to the left so he can’t see the shame and embarrassment written on my face. “You have no idea what my life has been like, Sebastian. It’s been horrible. Kendrick is a heinous man. He has something on his agenda for me. The day you found me, he had introduced me to his friends for the first time. He made me stand there with my robe parted.” I touch my belly, feeling the hospital gown on me instead of the robe. Someone changed me. Was it Sebastian? Did he see me? Did he like what he saw even with all the scars? “They talked about me like they had a serious plan for me. Then one touched me…”
“Touched you? What the hell are you talking about?” Sebastian sits and takes my hand.
“A stranger… I-I didn’t know him. He cupped me between my legs, and I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t want to be part of their plan, whatever orgy or fucked-up scenario they had convinced themselves of. I smashed my head against him, grabbed a knife and ran, but I had nowhere to go. Except to jump.”
“Jump?” He lifts a black brow and then realization dawns on him. “You jumped into the ocean. That could have killed you; the current is too strong.”
“I was ready to die, Sebastian. I couldn’t live like that anyone. And apparently, I did die. You brought me back to life.”
“I’m going to kill the man who touched you. I swear on my life,” he vows.
I squeeze his hand and groan in pain as I lean back, and I give a half-assed cocky smile, the only one I can muster. “I killed him. I stabbed him in the chest before I jumped. It was one of the best feelings in the world.”
I expect him to say something, but Sebastian climbs into bed next to me and positions us to where my head lays on his chest. I hear his heart pounding, a song I never thought I’d be able to hear.
“There’s so many things I want to say, but I know they don’t matter because they won’t help you. Everything bad that happened to you, I can’t rewind time. I wish I could. I’d rewind it so far back the Knight brother you met first would be me, and our lives would have been so different.”
“You don’t know that” I say. “Kendrick could have saw me and decided he wanted me, regardless if you and I were together. I’m here now, and I’ll admit this, Sebastian—I have never felt such peace.”
His fingertips run down my spine, and my lids relax. There is so much to talk about, but I am so tired. I’m not on high alert to keep myself safe, I’m relaxed; my body and mind trust Sebastian. The longer I lay my head against his chest, the sleepier I feel. So many thoughts run through my mind like, will Kendrick find me? What does this mean for me and Sebastian? Will we finally get our chance? I should be afraid. I am in a new place that I don’t know, I nearly died, Kendrick is still out there, and I have a feeling he’ll stop at nothing to get me back to fulfil the sick plan he has for me.
The one thing that overpowers every other thought.
When is Sebastian finally going to kiss me? Isn’t seven years long enough? What is he waiting for? Did his feelings change for me? Maybe he found me pathetic because of how weak I was with Kendrick. I hadn’t been the strongest person, but Kendrick knew how to wear my down.
If after all this time, all these dreams, all these make-believe fantasies of us that I had in my mind, if he doesn’t want me, what the hell will I do? My survival focused on him for so many years. I let myself become dependent on him, and he wasn’t even there physically.
“What is it?” he asks, kissing the top of my head again.
I close my eyes and wrap an arm around his stomach, feeling the muscles flexing between me. I feel his abs, and my eyes wonder down his body and the bulge between his legs. He always liked his jeans kind of tight and he pulls them off. The tight denim cups every inch of him right, and my cheeks darken with heat when I realize I am staring at the length against his left thigh. I glance away, burying my face in his body to stop myself from ogling him. He probably doesn’t want me.
“Nothing,” I lie. “I’m just tired.”
“You’ve always been a bad liar, Gabriella. You have the worst tells, but I won’t reveal my secrets. Go to sleep.”
I tighten my arms around him, afraid he’s going to leave me alone, and the heart rate monitor beeps annoyingly, giving away my fear.
“I’m not going anywhere, ever, baby. Someone would have to kill me to get me out of this bed with you.”
Part of me isn’t convinced this is my life now. A murky part of my mind tells me I’m dead, and I finally get to rejoice and feel happiness.
Sebastian is my peace.
In the darkest of times in my life, in the instances of fear and pain, in moments of sadness and tears, he is the man who brings warmth to my heart that grew cold. My mind might have forgotten little details of his face, but how he made me feel could never be forgotten.
Sebastian Knight is burned, engraved, and sewn into the fragility of my psyche, and he has no idea just how much stronger he made me.
Chapter Eleven
SEBASTIAN
Quinn is helping Gabriella shower. Gabby has been five days, and every day is pure fucking torture. I want to kiss her so bad. The need engulfs me. I want to take, take, take! It has been years, and I fucking deserve to feel her lips against mine once and for all.
But she is healing, not just physically but mentally, and I have to wait. If I have to wait another seven years before she tells me I can kiss her, then I will wait. I don't want to wait, but Gabby is the only woman I will wait for.
I sit on the couch, leg shaking with anxiety as I stare down the hall where my room is. I in the reading room, where the doors open to the infinity pool outside. Books upon books surround me. It smells like I library, and it is part of the reason why I picked the room closest to it.