I know what Kendrick had made me be wasn’t real for me. It was a character I played to keep him at bay, and I was ready to shed that skin and become someone stronger, someone better.
Sebastian had been a key role in that for me. I depended on him in my mind more than I depended on myself, and I knew that wasn’t a good thing. I needed to learn to be on my own. That was one thing I wasn’t sure I could remember how to do.
With a sigh and a pounding headache, the endorphins from my first orgasm in years faded quicker than I had wanted, and I walk to the window. I cross my arms and lean my head against the glass, watching the waves roll in sets of three and crash against the shore. Is that how my dead body ended up here?
And out of everywhere I could have ended up, somehow, I landed on his doorstep. Some people don’t believe in first love, fate, destiny, or soul mates, but if my second chance at life tells me anything, it’s that I am meant to be here with Sebastian. I washed up on his beach for a reason, maybe by chance or coincidence, or maybe the universe had a higher power that I didn’t know about, but it left me wondering.
The seagulls caw, a muted tone from behind the glass as they fly through the sky. The sun is set, seeping below the line of water edging against the sky as far as the eye can see. Oranges and pinks blend to create a picture no artist could ever recreate.
This is my heaven.
Sebastian isn’t about to lock me in hell. It would be a different kind of hell—a sexually tormented one, but I have endured too much with Kendrick, and I love Sebastian too much for him to be skittish.
If anyone has the right to be skittish, it is me, but I am ready to lay on my back, legs spread for Sebastian to have his way with me.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” I bang my head against the glass, hoping to knock an idea or two out of me, but I can’t think of anything.
Sebastian is going to be difficult, thinking he has my best interest in mind, but doesn’t he know he is my best interest? Doesn’t he know he kept me alive all the years? I want him more than I need my next breath, and the last time I checked, breathing is essential for the human body.
Sebastian is essential.
Not like money or frivolous things, but like blood or water.
A knock at the door sounds, and with a tired exhale, I urge whoever is on the other side to come in. “It’s open,” I say. At least, I thought it was. The handle jiggles, proving it isn’t unlocked like I thought. I hurry, putting a pep in my step, and look out the peep hole to see Quinn again. She has bags in her hands.
I open the door wide, and she barges in with a big smile on her face. “Oh man, you should have seen Sebastian stomping down the hallway. I never in my life have seen him so discomposed.” Quinn tosses her head back, her blonde hair catching the faint light left from the sun burning through the window.
“Sebastian is serious usually? Really?” That comes as a surprise to me. I know he had to be tough in prison, but when he was with me before Kendrick set him up to take the fall for something Sebastian didn’t do, Sebastian went out of his way to make me smile. He always joked, always made sure when he saw me, I smiled.
Because every time he saw me, my willingness to smile disappeared along with the will to thrive because of Kendrick. When Kendrick got his brother out of the way and sent Sebastian to prison, that is when things got worse. The abuse, the weird language he’d use when he spoke to me, like how my behavior needed to be perfect or how much I was worth. It was like I was going to meet someone important.
Quinn dumps the clothes on the bed and lays out a few shirts, jeans, new underwear, and tank tops with a built-in bra. I have small breasts, and tank tops work fine. “Sebastian is probably one of the most serious guys I have ever met. Obsessive too. All the guys here have their thing. Jaxon is intense. Owen is an asshole. Heaven is the flirt. Grayson is more of the quiet type. Sebastian is the serious one, the one who obsesses that everything needs to be perfect. He must know everything about everything. He seemed a bit flushed running down the hallway.” Quinn wiggles her brows, telling me she knows exactly what went on in this room.
“Well, whatever happened in here fell short since he ran out as if he was terrified to touch me,” I say with a bit more of a bite then I intend. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude to you. It’s directed toward him.” I grab a pair of simple black silk panties and slip them on under my towel. “We finally have our chance, and he—” I stop speaking, not knowing what else to say. “I don’t know. His reaction took me by surprise is all.” Next, I wiggle into a black pair of comfortable joggers and then turn around, giving Quinn my back when I pull a crop top over my head. There is a statement on the front that says, “Ask me about wiener.” There is a hot dog floating beside it, and it makes me chuckle.
“Can I tell you something, and you can either ignore it and call me crazy or think about?” Quinn asks, plopping down on the bed. She digs into the other bag and pulls out two beers and tosses me one.
Beer.
I haven’t had beer since before Sebastian went to jail. Kendrick wouldn’t allow me to drink. I twist off the top, and with a hesitant tilt, I pour the bitter bubbly concoction in my mouth and swallow cold, and my eyes water.
And then I let out a loud, unlady-like burp. I gasp, horrified. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. It’s been years since I've had beer. I can’t stop drinking it. Jeez, you must think I’m disgusting.”
Quinn giggles as she twists off the top of her beer, then she sets it down. “No, I think it’s refreshing to have another woman here. It’s me and those guys 24/7. I’m surrounded by testosterone.” She groans, laying dramatically on the bed with her arm over her face. “I keep forgetting I can’t drink because I’m pregnant. I’m not forgetting that I’m pregnant, but it’s still so hard to wrap my head around. Here, take mine.” The sigh that leaves Quinn is so sad, I almost feel bad for her.
Almost.
I squeal with excitement and crawl on the bed next to her as if she is my best friend. I haven’t had any female company since Kendrick, and I am long overdue. “You’re pregnant? Oh, wow. That’s amazing. How far along are you? When are you due? I’m so happy for you!” To be honest, I was a little envious too. I've wasted the prime years of my life on Kendrick, and I’m not even sure if I can get pregnant. I am older than Quinn, younger than Sebastian by a few years, but still, I have a yearning for children, and if Kendrick had his way, he’d take that from me too.
He drugged me so many times, gave me so many pills, I don’t even know what they were. Who knows the damage that has been caused on the inside? Those are the scars no one can see, only the things I can feel.
I happily snag the beer from her hand, double fisting the cold bottles. I haven’t done that since college.
“Drink for me, new friend, for I am nothing but an incubator,” Quinn soughs theatrically and places the back of her hand on her forehead. “They better be cute.” She pokes her very flat stomach.
My eyes almost fall out of my head. “They? You have more than one! I’m so jealous.”
“You won’t be when I’m as big as this house. Jaxon always must out do himself. He couldn’t knock me up once, nope, he had to do it twice.”