Grabbing two glasses from the cabinet on the left, I fill each cup with a heavy pour.
With the drinks in hand, I return to the living room where I find my best friend sitting down on the couch I vacated a few minutes ago. Best friend… I hope after this conversation, I can still call her that.
“Alright, here are the drinks,” I tell her, setting them down on the table.
“Sit with me,” she says, tapping the cushion next to her.
I sit down a few inches away from her. “Can you just take a large sip first before we start?” she asks nervously. The buildup to this is driving me mad.
Instead of arguing with her, I pick up my glass and drink some of the scotch, feeling it burn as it makes its path down my throat. I set the glass down and immediately Emely picks hers up. She takes a huge gulp of the scotch and I watch, waiting for any sort of reaction from her; she gives me none.
“Are you ready?” Emely asks.
Yes. No. I don’ know. “It depends on what you’re going to say.”
“I’m going to tell you everything… from the beginning.”
“Okay,” I reply bracing myself.
“So Christian…” she starts and I feel my heart drop to my stomach the moment she utters his name.
21
CHRISTIAN
“Keep pushing, you can do this!” I cheer on one of the football players, Atkins, as he finishes his last lap. He told me his personal goal is to get faster this year and I told him as long as he keeps pushing he can accomplish that. He just has to keep trying.
“Keep pushing!” I tell him when he runs past me again running yet another lap. My encouragement isn’t just for him. It’s for me too. I’ve gotta keep trying. I’ve gotta start from the ground and build my way up with her again.
My goal is to get Amari to forgive me or to look me in the eyes and tell me she doesn’t love me anymore. Either of those things will work for me. If she forgives me, then maybe I can conquer her heart again. If she tells me she doesn’t love me, then I’ll know there’s no hope. I know that whatever we had is buried in the past.
We’re done here. Those were the words she said while she once again kicked me out of her office. After she said that, I realized that there was still hope. That the window I had seen become cracked the moment she finally agreed to get in the car with me was real. She wasn’t able to look at me and tell me she didn’t love me, which means that she still does.
But love isn’t enough.
Not when I hurt her as bad as I did.
I told her I made the choice that I thought was right. At the time, I believed in what I was doing. I wanted to be her hero. I wanted to save her from the evil that was also me.
But I could’ve done things differently. I should’ve done things differently. Maybe it would be she and I raising Ari together this whole time. But maybe it wouldn’t have been. Maybe she would’ve left me after some time. Maybe she’d be with me while hating me. A million things could’ve happened and there’s no point in wasting time thinking about what could’ve been.
I have to earn her trust.
Because although she may still love me, it’s obvious she wants nothing to do with me.
“Alright, that’s that!” I tell Atkins when he passes me a third time. His teammates next to me clap as I announce the time. “You shaved twenty seconds off since last week,” I inform him.
My announcement is met with cheers from his teammates.
“Way to go!” one of the players congratulates him.
“They won’t see you coming!” another player shouts.
“Alright. That’s practice for today. We have a game coming up soon, so be prepared to practice harder in the coming days!”
A few minutes later, all players have left the locker room and the last one of them vacates my office. Gathering my things, I look at my phone to see if I have any missed calls. When I look at the screen I notice I have a text message from Emely.
Emely: I’m almost there.
That message came in about an hour ago, so I assume she’s there already. There being Amari’s house.
Christian: Okay, thanks again for letting me talk to her first.
I didn’t think she’d let me. When Emely, who has been Amari’s best friend since I’ve known them, tore me a new one a day after I broke up with Amari, I didn’t know what to do or how to react. I mean, she cursed me out and I deserved every last word. That was the last time she spoke to me until this Tuesday.
Getting a message from her warning me to stay away from her best friend was unexpected but not entirely surprising. I assume Amari told her all about running in to me. Emely told me she’d cut me into tiny little pieces if I hurt her again.
I called her back. I don’t know why I did it except that I needed someone to hear me out. Someone who knew Amari and me back when we weren’t broken. Someone who knew how much she loved me and saw how much I loved her.
I walk to my truck recalling the conversation I had with Emely.
“Hi Emely,” I greet her when she answers the phone.
“Why are you calling me?” she asks, her tone indignant. She needs to line up because the list of people I pissed off in my youth is never ending.
“Amari is back,” I tell her, like she doesn’t already know. She wouldn’t have warned me about staying away from her best friend if Amari were still living six hours away like she had been for six years.
“I know you’ve seen her already,” she tells me. “Why are you calling me?” she asks again and I honestly admire the way she talks to me. She doesn’t care much for me and I like that about her. She’s a real friend, one who would fiercely defend Amari. She’d fight just about anyone for Amari, including me. I’m glad Amari has her in her corner.
I clear my throat. “I know you want me to stay away from her.”
“I’m not asking you for a favor. I’m telling you, you need to stay away from her,” she says, cutting me off.
“I can’t stay away.” Not anymore.
“Why? You managed to not call her for six long years. Why can’t you stay away from her now when you could so easily break her heart?” Staying away from Amari would’ve been impossible if she had stayed in this town. The only reason I haven’t seen her since she left was that I was too much of a coward to knock at her door in her apartment. I drove six hours. Six long hours and thought about every little thing I would say to her when I saw her. Then, I arrived at her apartment, finding out where it was with a little help from her parents. I was getting ready to step out of my car and knock at her door when I saw her. She looked as beautiful as ever and my heart was beating out of my chest. I saw her with her backpack hiked on her shoulder and a book in hand. I saw the smile on her face and that convinced me to stay in the car. Her smile got me to drive away from her that day.
I left her for a reason.
She needed to follow her dreams, to live her own life. I didn’t want to get in the way of her happiness.
But she’s back now and it was her choice to come back.
“You have no reason to believe me,” I start.