He reached his hand up and used his thumb to wipe away the wetness on my lower lip, and I laughed softly, feeling happier than I’d ever felt in my life, awed by the almost unbearable sweetness of the moment, of him.
We sat there awhile longer, swirling our feet in the water, Gabriel hooking his ankle with mine now and again as I laughed and leaned into him. We watched the trees begin to bare themselves—colorful leaves floating to the ground—and we chatted about nothing of consequence, feeling the peace of the moment, the joy of each other.
Had I once dreamed of romance and white knights? As a little girl, had I imagined that someday a handsome prince with his heart in his eyes would take my face in his hands and kiss me? I couldn’t remember now, but I wished I could, because I wanted to imagine that that little girl was somewhere inside of me and that this moment was for both of us, and for all the dreams I’d thought were lost. Lost to someone like me.
We let our feet dry in the sunshine and then climbed back up to the road. I wondered at how this day had turned from pain and tears and a destroyed dinner to happiness and peace and a walk under a covered bridge. And our first kiss. The most beautiful kiss I’d ever experienced.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
We all have a superpower. What’s yours?
Gambit, the Duke of Thieves
GABRIEL
We spent every moment of daylight together that weekend, watching the sunrise, taking drives, visiting my favorite spots in the area, driving to a couple of small towns where we walked through quaint downtown areas and ate in small mom-and-pop restaurants.
We bought several types of Vermont maple syrup, and I cooked her pancakes in the morning and we taste tested them all. Droplets of syrup stuck to her lip, and she laughed as I kissed them away, my blood heating as desire rolled hot and heavy through my body.
I reveled in our newfound physical closeness, still slightly nervous at first, but mostly overjoyed by all the sensations she was helping me discover. Not only did my love for her cause me to crave a deeper intimacy, but I’d become accustomed to her touch slowly over the weeks, and that had made all the difference. Even now, Ellie touched me almost as tentatively as I touched her, and it helped me gain confidence in the very thing that had once made me feel so helpless. There had been no way for me to know it, certainly no way I could have guessed, but it felt as if I had been pulled to Ellie because our pasts—and our hearts—aligned in such a way that we were meant to heal each other.
On Sunday, we made a picnic lunch and ate it in a grassy area under a giant beech tree, its leaves gold and orange and red, casting light on Ellie’s hair so that it, too, looked gilded. She lay back on the blanket we’d brought, and the dappled sunshine coming through the leaves moved over her face, making my breath catch. She was so beautiful that looking at her made me ache. She looked soft and happy, and her eyes were filled with something I hoped might be love. I leaned over and kissed her and kissed her until I thought I might go crazy. But I knew Ellie needed to be the one to advance things between us. I knew I needed to let her lead us in that direction if it was going to feel right. I wanted to give that to her, and so I rolled away and stared up at the sky coming through the breaks in the leaves and tried to catch my breath, to cool my blood, to will my body to calm.
I wanted so badly to touch her, to feel her breasts in my hands, to run my tongue over her nipples and feel them stiffen, to skim my fingers down the silky skin of her inner thigh. I almost groaned, but managed to hold it back.
The irony of the situation didn’t escape me. I’d come to her to help me feel comfortable being close to a woman, and now I was dying with the frustration of holding back … for her. I remembered the talk I’d had with George about trusting my gut, though, and realized that this was what I’d known deep inside: She had needed me just as I’d needed her. And I was willing to do whatever it took to let her know she was precious to me—her body and her heart.
She propped her arms on my chest, smiling into my face as I chuckled. “What?” I asked.
She shrugged slightly, her smile growing. “I don’t know. I’m just … happy.”
A leaf fluttered down and landed in her hair and I plucked it out, smiling and then meeting her eyes. Marry me, I wanted to say. Stay with me forever. “Me, too,” I whispered instead. We lay there for a few minutes, listening to the birds cry out to one another as they rustled the leaves overhead.
Ellie used one finger to outline a button on my shirt, and that small movement looked somehow erotic, her slender finger moving slowly around the tiny disc. I barely stopped myself from groaning. “When we went into Morlea to the grocery store, people looked at us … strangely. Is that why we’ve gone to other towns this weekend? So you don’t see anyone you know?” She gazed up at me, questions in her eyes, a bit of insecurity as if she wondered whether their stares were because of her.
“It doesn’t have anything to do with you, Ellie.”
She tilted her head, her finger still moving in circles on the button. “Then … why? Why do they look at you that way?”
I was silent for a minute. “Mostly because I make them uncomfortable, I think.” There was confusion in her gaze. “When I first came home, everyone was really happy. I got attention everywhere I went. I was sort of this local hero.” I thought back to that time, how everything had been overly bright, how the world had seemed to waver in front of me every time I stepped out of the house, as if none of it were real. As if I was having a hard time holding on to the truth that I’d finally escaped the darkness of where I’d been. “I was skittish, nervous …”
“Naturally,” Ellie said quietly.
“It wasn’t only that I was suddenly free in the outside world again, it was that I was trying to come to terms with the death of my parents. I was grieving them. I was grappling with the fact that I’d taken someone’s life.” I glanced at her, but her expression didn’t change. She’d known that. Everyone did. “I was struggling hard.” I paused again. “One day George took Dominic and me to this fair. He thought, you know, that I could use some fun, to feel like a teenager. We got there and the lights, the people, it felt like everything was closing in on me and I sort of … went a little crazy. I freaked out and dropped to the ground as if I were in a war and being fired on. They had to carry me out of there.”
“Oh, Gabe …”
“After that I didn’t go out in public much anymore. I lost myself in stone carving, in the comfort of the people and the things I knew.”
She was quiet as I thought about that time. “Once I did start going into town, people were wary of me. They didn’t know how to react to me, if or how to approach me and so they just … didn’t. I guess they wondered if I might just freak out again. Even now.” I chuckled softly but there was no humor in the sound. It ended in a sigh.
Her brow furrowed prettily, and she nodded in understanding. “It’s been so long, though. You were a teenager then. They should … try.”
“Maybe I should try harder, too.”
“Maybe,” she said softly. The air was cool, and I pulled her close to make sure she was warm. She hooked a leg over mine.
“Do you still … struggle with having taken that man’s life?” Her voice was soft, hesitant.