“You need to let that go.”
He looks shocked as he stares at me incredulously. “What?”
“You heard me.” I straighten my shoulders. “You need to let all of that go with Sawyer. You told us both you didn’t care about me that way. You said it was just sex with me, and you didn’t want a commitment. He didn’t believe you at first, but you convinced him and me when we stopped sleeping together.” I think about that time, about the ache inside me when I wanted so badly to try with him, but he told me he couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t do it. I was alone and broken. I wanted him so badly. “You moved on. You were going out and staying out overnight, and I was there. Alone. Afraid I was always going to feel that lonely, shattered and trying to keep it together on the surface.”
He’s looking at me intently, searching my face. “You seemed fine.”
“I’m a good actress.” I shrug. “I’m even good at fooling myself, but I was wrecked, Asher. I loved you. I hadn’t ever loved anyone.”
He shakes his head, running his fingers through his thick hair, looking pained. “You didn’t love me. It was—”
I hold up one hand, refusing to let him lessen what I felt. What I feel. “No. It was love. I loved you, and you were moving on without me. You were distant, and I was alone. And Sawyer —”
“Was a replacement,” he finishes coldly.
“No.” I shake my head adamantly because I’m not letting him off this easy. “He was constant. You were distant. He came around to help and saw the sadness in me.”
“So, he took advantage of you.”
“No,” I argue yet again. “He comforted me. He was a true friend. And it just happened. We thought maybe it could work. Maybe, since the people we loved didn’t love us back, we were the perfect match. But we weren’t.”
He shakes his head, scoffing like I’m a naïve child. “You were a thrill for him. You don’t know him like I do.”
Now I cross my arms, but not to hide, to show triumph. “Then he got bored and moved on.”
“Didn’t look so bored with you when he was fucking you in the pool.”
My cheeks initially heat with humiliation, but I quickly recover, thinking about him telling me to own my shit. And he’s right. I did it. I wanted to do it. “He didn’t fuck me in the pool. He fucked me in my bed. He fingered me in the pool.”
His eyes register shock, but I stand tall. “Wow.”
“Don’t act so innocent. I remember your eyes on me, Asher. You were turned-on.” I drop my crossed arms and lean into him, placing my hands on his broad shoulders. “You wanted me just as badly as I wanted you.”
He almost smiles but catches himself. “You’ve gotten bold.”
“You made me that way.”
“I’m not going to become friends with Sawyer again.”
I shrug. “That’s up to you, but if you blame us, then you have to blame yourself too. Because we all messed up. And we all need to find a way to move forward.”
“Bring on the party, then.”
I smile and turn around, moving back to laundry.
Laundry, although annoying and ever rising, is safe and boring.
Asher is not.
Halloween.
It’s Viv’s favorite. It’s not my favorite, but I always think about Vivienne dressed up like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I think about fucking her. I just plain think about her.
I bring Baz home after school, and we’re both already in our costumes from the class parties today. He wanted to be Batman. I’m Superman, tights and all. When we walk through the front door, I see Viv is already in her costume, making my throat dry and my dick stir to life.
Not a good thing in tights.
Fuck. Me.
She’s the hottest Wonder Woman I've ever fucking seen. Her tits can’t be contained by the red tank with a golden W. The blue skirt is short and goes above mid-thigh. The red boots she’s wearing have high heels and almost reach her knees. And it’s topped off with a red cape that covers nothing important.
“Damn, Viv.”
“You said a ‘no no’ word,” Baz singsongs as he runs to his mom, his own cape flowing in the wind.
“I look ridiculous, I know.” She smiles, looking into the mirror adjusting her golden headband.
I shake my head, sliding in behind her, unable to stop myself from growling quietly into her ear, “You look fucking hot.”
I feel her shudder before she takes a deep breath, her eyes locking on mine in the mirror.
There’s a knock on the door that saves us from ourselves, and I move away so she can answer it. I roll my eyes instantly when I hear Sawyer’s voice. Baz runs to him excitedly when he sees Sawyer has also dressed up for him.
I’m not sure whose idea it was, but he’s dressed as The Joker, and it couldn’t be more fitting.
“Damn, Viv. You look good.” I grunt, and Viv laughs nervously.
“Thanks.” He hands her the store-bought cupcakes he brought, and she sets them down on the table just as Linc and Penelope come in from the back door, dressed as Cat Woman and a grown-up version of Batman.
Baz runs to them squealing. “You guys really dressed up too!”
Penelope runs her hand through his hair affectionately. “Of course, we did!”
Lola walks in from the kitchen with Hayden, and I laugh seeing Hayden dressed up like Aquaman and Lola dressed perfectly as Harley Quinn, ready to cause the chaos that Lola never did.
“You guys did too!” Baz is so fucking happy that it’s worth having to dress up like a superhero and spend time with Sawyer, the fucking traitor.
Although, I have to admit my conversation with Viv about them left me feeling even more like an asshole. She’s not totally wrong. Neither of them have been. I did my best to make it crystal clear to both of them I didn’t have feelings for her.
How many times in the past has Sawyer seen me use women for sex and toss them away because they meant nothing? How many times have I seen him do the exact same thing?
We all help set up for Baz’s party that will no doubt be the talk of kindergarten for days. He got to invite everyone in his grade because Lola has a huge house. And everyone went all-out, buying decorations, food, and party favors.
By the time his guests arrive, the house has been turned into a Halloween party fit for the coolest kindergartener.
Jacee shows up with her dad, who I can’t stand. But I know I have to play nice. He’s arrogant and older, barely paying attention to her. There’s a reason she craves so much attention during the day, and I have my eye on the fucker.
“Think any single moms will be here?”
I huff at the sound of Sawyer’s voice next to me, bringing me back to that first Halloween we all spent together. When he freaked out because I wanted to get Viv a jacket and lectured me about fucking a single mother.
Who he later fucked.
I squeeze the plastic cup in my hand, full of punch, and making a crinkling sound. “You are a sick motherfucker, you know that?”
He laughs. “Yeah. I don’t really fuck single moms anymore. What about you?”
I turn to look at him and see the fucker is actually smiling. He’s not asking me because he’s jealous. Jesus Christ, he really didn’t have any feelings for her. “No.”