“You have to forgive yourself, Asher. You were a child.”
“I was old enough to know he was hurting, that something was wrong. What it was exactly, I'm not sure, but I think he knew Penelope had fucked Linc.”
I don’t know the whole story. It’s really not my place to ask, but he hasn’t either. I think there’s a big chunk he doesn’t know about. “Maybe you should ask her.”
I watch the deep swallow he takes. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing will bring him back.”
He looks even more sad now, his eyes dropping to the sand between us. “Are you okay?”
I know he’s talking about last night because no matter how much he tries to seem like an unfeeling asshole, he cares. Maybe he cares too deeply, and it’s crippling. “I’m fine.”
I move my hand to let my fingers brush against the stubble of his cheek, and he grabs my wrist, pulling my hand away as he looks into my eyes. “Are you really okay?”
I let him hold onto me. I don’t want him to let go. “No.”
He drops my wrist, but I move to my knees, kneeling before him as he sits on the cold sand and place my hands on his shoulders.
His gaze is distant as he tries to disconnect. “Are you still in love with me?”
It’s not a question I’m prepared for. It’s one I've all but answered recently, and yet last night, I still had sex with him. I let him inside of my body, knowing full well my heart was 100 percent in it and his was not.
I sweep my lips over his. “Shut up.” It’s a breathy request before I nip at his bottom lip, capturing his full lips with my own and not wanting to let go. I feel his hands tangle in my hair as he kisses me back.
“Viv,” he breathes, sounding nearly in pain.
“Don’t, Asher.” My hands wrap around his neck as I press my chest to his, hoping he can feel my heart, hoping he knows how much I love him. But I’m not stupid. “I’m a big girl, and I know exactly what’s coming, but I can’t stop this.” I bite his bottom lip and kiss him as I whisper softly, “I don’t want to.”
He pulls me onto his lap. We’re breathing hard, the evidence of what we do to each other is between my thighs as I rub against his erection, intertwining in the best possible way. “I can’t lose Baz again.”
“You won’t.”
It’s a promise in the dark night, but when I feel him relax and pull me even closer to him, I know he believes me.
And he should because no matter what, I won’t hurt him again, even if my heart splinters into a million pieces.
I wake up in my bed with Viv’s naked body tucked against my side. Neither of us seem to be able to stop this between us.
I’ve never felt so helpless. Knowing I should push her away, but also knowing that I don’t want to.
“I need to get up.” I smile at the sound of her voice. Waking up next to her isn’t a hardship, but I’m afraid to let this feel too good.
“Why?”
“I need to get Baz ready for school.”
I kiss her temple, enjoying her skin against mine too much. “I can do that.”
She smiles up at me but shakes her head. “No, you need to get yourself ready.” Her eyes flicker with wickedness when she purrs, “Mr. Sterling.”
“Fuck, Viv,” I groan, ready to pull her body to mine to quench the fire she just started, but before I can, I hear Baz pushing my door—that I now realize I forgot to lock—open and quickly tuck Viv under my comforter and roll to my side as she hides.
“Uncle Asher!” Baz comes to my side of the bed. “Mommy isn’t in her room.”
I hate lying to him. “She’s not?”
He shakes his head. “She’s supposed to get me ready for school! I don’t want to be late.”
He loves school so damn much. I lean back, angling my body, hoping to block the body next to me. “She’s probably in the kitchen making your breakfast, buddy.”
He places his finger on his chin, “Hmmm . . . I didn’t check there.”
Relief washes over me even though I feel like shit for lying to him. “I’ll get you dressed for school, but first go hide and I'll find you.”
“Do we have time?” His eyes flash with excitement. He loves to play hide and seek.
I shrug my shoulders. “I’m pretty good at finding you.”
He has a competitive streak in him. “I’m going to hide really good!”
I smile and ruffle his hair. “Okay. I’ll give you to the count of twenty. Ready?”
He nods, already heading out the door. I jump up and tug on a pair of sweats, but Viv doesn’t move from under the covers. I place a hand on the bed, leaning over and tugging the comforter down. “Get dressed, make the prince his breakfast, and I'll keep him distracted.”
She smiles weakly. “That was too close.”
I nod and leave a quick kiss against her lips because I can’t not kiss her. “I’ll remember to lock the door next time.”
She nods quickly as she gets up, pulling on her shirt and skirt from last night, and we walk to my door. I glance around for Baz and then go into her room, doing another quick sweep before signaling her room is clear. She walks into her room, but her eyes hold mine. “I know I'm not supposed to thank you for being a good uncle.”
I shake my head and hold her face in my hands, tilting her head up, biting her bottom lip.
“Nope, but you can thank me for the three orgasms.”
Her eyes roll, but she places a quick kiss on my lips anyway. “I think it was four.”
I grin and then release her, shouting into the hallway, “Baz! Where are you?”
I wink at her and leave her to get ready before walking down the hall toward the living room, not finding him until I go into his room and open the closet door. He looks disappointed, his little bottom lip poked out. “You found me.”
“It took forever!” I scoop him up. “We better hurry and get your little butt dressed.”
He giggles in my arms. “Butt.”
I laugh, unable to hide my admiration for this little guy. I get him dressed in his school uniform and brush his hair before taking him into the kitchen. He runs to Viv, who’s at the stove making French toast. “Mommy! Uncle Asher was right! You were making breakfast.”
Her eyes meet mine, and I know she feels guilty about our deception. “Are you hungry?”
He nods his head several times as he makes his way to the table for Viv to place a plate in front of him. I grab some coffee and am surprised when I see Lola stride in, all ready for work. “You’re here?”
She laughs at that, moving ahead of me to grab coffee. “Well, technically it’s my house.”
“Does that mean you and Hayden took a break from your little sleepovers?”
She shakes her head, taking a sip from her coffee mug and facing me as she leans back against the counter. “God, no. Why would we do that when are sleepovers are oh, so much fun?”
She wags her eyebrows suggestively, and I fake gag even though really, I couldn’t be happier for her. “So, he’s upstairs, then?”
She nods her head with a great big grin. “Yes.”