“Viv?” I walk out my sliding glass door onto the patio. Vivienne sits in one of the outdoor chairs, her legs tucked under her with a teal coffee mug clutched in her hands as she looks out at the glorious view.
Everything about my patio was meticulously planned. The white cushions and bright blue and yellow accent pillows give off a beachy vibe that compliments the surrounding white sand and ocean literally a stone’s throw away from the underground pool with sparkling blue water.
The blue on the pillows matches the water and the yellow matches the sun. All perfect for my new life in California. The white signifies a fresh start, the one I desperately needed.
But the way Vivienne watches the water and the ache I see deep in her soul tells me I'm not anywhere clear from the chaos stemming from my bloodline.
She turns her head slightly to look at me, still holding her coffee in both hands. “Good morning.” I can tell she’s trying to force a smile but fails as she looks back out over the horizon.
“Good morning. Did you sleep okay?” I inch closer to her, already knowing her answer.
It wasn’t easy for her to leave my brother Asher back in Kansas, and I can see how much she misses him. Although the plan was for her to be on a plane flying out here yesterday, I was still shocked when I opened the door and she was there with her son, my nephew Sebastian. A large part of me didn’t think she would do it.
I’m glad she’s here though even if I know it’s killing my little brother. I have to believe it was for the best to offer her a place to stay here at my house in California and a job with my other brother’s girl, Penelope and me.
What started as a friendship between Vivienne and Asher had quickly become toxic, and it wasn’t good for anyone involved. I promised myself I would be vigilant and keep a watchful eye on my siblings, so I stepped in.
“Not really.” I’m surprised she answers honestly, and from the puffiness of her eyes, it’s apparent she likely spent the night crying.
“He’ll be okay. I know he’s angry now.”
“He hates me.” There’s an eerie distance in her gaze as she stares out over the ocean.
I take a seat next to her, crossing my ankles and smoothing down my white knee-length skirt. “He doesn’t. He’s angry, but he doesn’t hate you.”
Her eyes meet mine. “You didn’t see him. He loves Baz more than anyone, and I took him away.”
I place a hand on her shoulder, trying my best to offer her comfort even if I know little about the ache she’s feeling. I do, however, know plenty about guilt. “You did what you had to. For you and your son. And Asher.”
“He’ll never forgive me, Lola.”
I wish I had more to offer her, but I know my brother. He’s immature and angry. He’ll more than likely be a total prick about her leaving. “He will. He needs time.”
She takes a drink from her mug, her eyes meeting mine. “Are you really sure it’s okay for us to stay with you? I don’t want to put a strain on your relationship with Asher.”
My heart squeezes at the thought. “It’s already strained.”
That’s putting it mildly. I had three brothers. Three younger brothers. And I failed them all in one way or another, but most of all, I failed Asher. “I don’t want to make it worse. He won’t be happy you’re letting us stay.”
“I haven’t been a good sister—”
“You’re the best sister anyone could ask for,” she quickly cuts me off, and I smile at her, dropping my hand from her shoulder and shaking my head.
“No. I haven’t, Vivienne. I let them all down. I was preoccupied by my own thing, always worried about achieving my goals.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
I take a deep breath and look out at the water. I thought living close to the ocean would somehow be different than living on the lake like my brother Linc did, but I still hate the water and can’t seem to bring myself to go in.
“There is. I was their big sister. And I let them all down.”
She shakes her head, and I can feel her studying my face as I look at the turbulent water. “How?”
“After . . .” I swallow the disgusting feeling deep inside and hate that I still can’t seem to say my brother Colt’s name out loud. “After the accident, I let Asher down. I let Linc down. I couldn’t look at either of them. I couldn’t be near anyone I was related to. It hurt too bad.”
Now it’s her turn to comfort me. She puts her coffee down and wraps her small arm around my shoulders. “Everyone handles grief differently.”
I close my eyes, the agony slicing through my heart thinking about the night I found out Colt was dead, when he drowned in the lake. He had been at a party on a boat and was drinking, and he fell overboard. He hated the water, but he had been spinning out of control for a while, drowning while he was alive. And I couldn’t save him.
I didn’t even try.
“I let them down. Linc and Penelope, they were at war, punishing each other. And I let them, even knowing how toxic they had become. And Asher . . .” I feel the sick feeling again, thinking about my youngest brother still living at home while my mother was racked with guilt and unable to function. “I should have stepped in and been there for him. But I didn’t.”
Her eyes squeeze shut. I’m certain they’ve talked about that time, but I can’t bear to hear the details of the hell he went through. “He loves you.”
I smile. “When I realized how bad things had gotten with Linc and Penelope, I stepped in and I promised myself I would never again let my siblings suffer in silence. That I would be there for them. Asher may hate me momentarily, but he’ll thank me later. You guys needed some space.”
The pained expression on her face tells me my instincts were right. “You’re their sister. It’s not your job to rescue them.”
I lean my face against hers. “You’re my nephew’s mom. To me that makes you more than just my friend. That makes you my sister.” I smile and pull back enough to look into her eyes. “And I'm going to do my damnedest to be a good sister from now on.”
Her lips lift in a small smile that still screams of sadness, but maybe also a glimmer of joy. “You are very good, Lola.”
“Stay as long as you want. It’s nice having people in this big house.”
“If you’re sure.”
I nod decisively. “Very.” I smile as Sebastian, or Baz as we call him, slides open the door and runs outside in his Spiderman pajamas with his brown hair all mussed from sleep. “Mommy!”
He jumps onto her lap, and she uses the hand that was around my shoulders to catch him. “Good morning.”
He laughs, and the laugh sends happiness and grief soaring through me. It’s just like his father’s.
Colt.
“I’m hungry!”
I laugh. He’s always right to business, that one. Barely four and already a force in this world.
“I bought some stuff yesterday, but I'm going to be honest,” I meet Viv’s eyes, “I don’t know much about tiny humans. So if there’s anything else he would like to eat, please let me know.”
She smiles and holds him close to her. “I’m sure I can find a store.” She shrugs. “After I buy a car that is, which is on my list for the day.”