My brother set my laptop aside and scooted across my bed until he had his arms wrapped around me. “You’re Grace Hale,” he said. “You’re always going to be revered at Blackstone. Now, maybe, once we get to college and it’s a new world with new people, you might be able to blend in with the masses, but I doubt it.” Sterling squeezed my shoulders. “You stand out even if you don’t want to, Grace. You’re trying to force out seventeen years of breeding, refinement, and class in a matter of weeks, and it just can’t be done that quickly. Give yourself time.”
“You don’t feel bad at all?” I asked, wondering how he could be such a wonderful brother but such a jackass to everyone else. “Do you really feel no remorse?”
“Grace, I wasn’t friends with Leah,” he pointed out. “I didn’t know the girl. I had no connection with her to feel badly beyond basic human empathy for her situation. You’re taking responsibility for Seth’s sins, and why? Because he was your boyfriend?”
“He told her he was sleeping with her because I refused to put out, Sterling,” I told him. “If he-”
Sterling grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. “Stop it,” he commanded. “She was sleeping with a guy who had a girlfriend, Grace. Quit painting her in this light of complete innocence. She wasn’t.” He shook his head. “I’m not trying to bash the girl, but it’s not speaking ill of the dead if it’s the truth. Don’t let her suicide and personal connection to you through Seth absolve her of all responsibility, Grace. You’re saying that if we had been kinder people, she might still be alive. However, if she hadn’t made the decision to cheat with a guy she knew had a girlfriend, well then, maybe she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant and ended up in the situation she had.”
I mulled over his words, but they weren’t helping me with what I felt. “I can’t help the way I feel, Sterling,” I told him. “I…can’t.”
“I know, Grace,” he said, pulling me into his arms. “I know.”
I knew Sterling could tell I was about to begin spiraling again, so the Friday night party forgotten, he had stayed with me all night until I had finally fallen asleep.
He had even stayed with me through the nightmares.
Chapter 4
Styx~
Today was October fifteenth and my birthday. I was officially a grown adult but who still had a curfew and had to mind his elders, school and parental alike.
I didn’t feel any different, but then, I’ve been working since I was fifteen and stepping up to take care of my mother and sister since forever. My father was a good man but being a cop had him working long hours.
“I can’t believe you’re not having a big party for your big one-eight,” Davion remarked as he took the empty seat to my right.
I glanced out at my backyard, and while there were people here, it wasn’t packed. I hadn’t wanted a huge celebration for my eighteenth birthday simply because I didn’t have the energy. I had put in a full week at the auto shop because they were shorthanded with Timmy’s wife going into labor earlier than expected, and I had offered to work a half day for them this morning as well. The shop was closed on Sundays, but I had planned on catching up on some school homework and projects all day Sunday. Saturday afternoon was the best I could give my parents for a small celebration. Honestly, I just wanted to relax and watch some television until I fell asleep.
“I don’t have that kind of time or energy, Davion,” I told him. “Besides, all the people I’d want here, are here.” And that was true. Only my parents, my sister, Davion, and seven other people were here. Cason, Brooks, Zeke, Ivy, and Claire were all friends from my neighborhood and who I had gone to grade school with. Davion aside, Brett and Lauren were the only other people from Blackstone who I considered friends enough to invite them over. And luckily for me, everyone meshed well together. This wasn’t the first time my two worlds have collided, and things were all good every time.
The best way I could categorize my friends were the following:
Cason was the broody fighter type.
Brooks was the moody book type.
Zeke was the easy-going type.
Ivy was the sports fanatic type.
Claire was the girly type, and my regular hookup.
Brett was the driven type.
Lauren was the quiet type.
And Davion was all of those types put together.
But for all their differences, they were good and loyal and solid. They were my type of people. They were the kind of people who I wanted around my parents and sister. They were the people I wanted setting the example for my little sister.
“You know, if Ivy wasn’t so abhorrently against Fantasy Football, she’d be the perfect girl,” he remarked as his eyes landed on the pretty redhead.
“She believes in loyalty,” I retorted. “How can you call yourself an Eagles fan but put a Cowboys’ player on your fantasy team and root for the fucker? Ivy’s a die-hard.”
“Oh, come on,” he whined. “The entire world does it.”
Then I remembered a quote I read years ago. “Just because it’s accepted by the masses doesn’t mean it’s right.”
“It’s just sports,” he argued.
I laughed. “Yeah, tell that to Ivy,” I dared him.
After a few seconds of silence, Davion asked, “Why are you sitting over here by yourself anyway? Even if it’s a small party, shouldn’t you be in the middle of it?”
“I’m waiting for them to all get their food first.” My father and mother were done with the barbecue and side foods and everyone was lined up to pile it on their plates. “I’m just being hospitable.”
“You still hitting it with Claire?”
I was, but it’s been a while. I really didn’t have enough hours in my days to devote to anything more than a random hookup, but I also knew whatever we had was fizzling out. The last time we hooked up it had been lukewarm at best. I had gotten in and gotten out and I knew she could sense my disinterest. I mean, of course, my body was interested in sex with a hot teenage girl, but my mind had been on other things. And even if you could bring a girl to orgasm, that was just biology. Unlike men, women needed more than just an orgasm to enjoy sex. They needed the entire experience. Men fucked with their dicks whereas women fucked with their entire bodies and their minds.
It’s why they were so much more amazing than we were.
“Yeah,” I told him, but didn’t elaborate. Davion knew Claire wasn’t my girlfriend. He knew it was as casual as it could be. Claire was an awesome girl, and she had a great body, but she didn’t make my heart want to beat out of my chest when I looked at her. I still wanted that, even if the only time I’ve ever had it had ended with my soul shattered.
As everyone made their way back to the tables, I saw my mom walking my way with a plate of food. I smiled as everyone took their seats and began eating. Earlier, my dad and I had set up three different patio sets to accommodate us all. Each set sat five people, so everyone was comfortable.
“Happy Birthday, Styx,” my mom said, kissing my cheek as she placed the plate in front of me.
“Thanks, Mom.” She smiled and headed on back over towards my dad.