“I would love to dance some more, especially since you and I haven’t gotten a chance to dance together yet.”
Walking side by side, we headed back into the dance, our fingers intertwined as we went to the dance floor. Looking around as we did so, I noticed Reid and Kingston standing at the snack table, no doubt enjoying all the sweet treats laid out for the students. When Jesse and I finally reached the dance floor, a slow, melodic song started to play. He wrapped his arms around my waist, not hesitating as he may have in the past and started to sway with me. Curling my arms around his shoulders, I held onto him, wanting nothing more than to enjoy our dance like I had with Reid and Kingston earlier.
“I never thought I’d make it to senior prom,” Jesse confided quietly, his breath washing over my ear as we danced cheek to cheek together. “A majority of me never really wanted to, but as soon as you waltzed into my life, shaking everything up and turning things on their heads, this was what I wanted. To listen to a song, and for the few minutes it played, enjoy feeling you in my arms.”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in this moment,” I admitted, “nowhere, no one else, other than with you, Jess.” And so, we did just that, our dance as unique and special to me as the other two, tucked away in a special corner of my heart that I knew I would cherish forever.
The first of many moments to come for my boys and me.
18
April 5th
Had an amazingly fun night… well, at least while it lasted.
#CueTheClarkFamilyArguments #IsItGraduationYet #NOTSundayFunday
I was tired... no, I was exhausted as Reid pulled up to my house the next morning. Post-prom had been amazing. Games, giveaways, and just general shenanigans from midnight to five-thirty A.M. at the school, but now I was paying for the lack of sleep that I didn’t think even coffee could fix.
“I’ll text you when I’m up. Let me know how it goes?” Reid asked when we reached the front of the house. I nodded, leaning over and giving him a quick kiss before grabbing the garment bag that held my dress from the backseat. Thankfully, we’d been smart and brought a change of clothes for post-prom because by the time the dance was done, I wasn’t sure I could take another step in my heels without wanting to chop my own feet off.
“I will, get some sleep,” I told him as I climbed from the car. As I walked up to the house, I saw the kitchen light on and knew that I was about to have a very unpleasant conversation with my mom.
God, I hope this goes okay, I pleaded mentally, my exhaustion making me irritable. I had work in a few hours and needed to catch a nap, and the argument I knew was coming would surely cut into that.
“Come here, Emma,” my mother called out as soon as I unlocked the front door. Her tone was cold and harsh, and while I had expected that, I still cringed.
“Yes, Mom,” I mumbled, setting my dress and shoes on the stairs to grab after the fight was done. As I walked up the half staircase to the main level, I found my mom sitting at the kitchen table. A harsh frown curled her lips, and her eyes were practically spitting fire when she looked at me.
“How was it?” she questioned sharply. I knew it was a trap, that she didn’t actually want to hear the answer, but I couldn’t help myself.
“It was amazing,” I challenged, but as soon as I started, I couldn’t stop. It was as if everything that had been building over the last couple months since Tyler finally went back to Cali finally spilled over. “Something I know I’ll cherish for the rest of my life, but you know what could have made it even more special? Being able to share it with my mom!” I practically vibrated with everything that buzzed within me; hurt, anger, sadness, all tying into a giant knot in my chest.
“But no,” I continued before she could say anything, “you only see the guys the way you want to see them, meaning even something as significant as my senior prom wasn’t allowed because I wasn’t doing it in the way you thought best. Yeah, I know you said you ‘didn’t approve’ of it, but we both know you meant I wasn’t allowed to go even if you didn’t express it as such. But you know what, Mom? You were right when you said I was going to do what I want, and I don’t feel bad for going, nor will I apologize for it. The thing I will apologize for is that you’re missing out on all the things that I want to share with you so badly. The guys aren’t trouble, and they definitely aren’t criminals; they’re hardworking, and they care about me, hell, they even love me—”
“Enough!” she shouted, cutting me off mid-rant. Her cheeks were red, her hands in white-knuckled fists where they sat on the top of the kitchen table. My chest heaved as I panted, too worked up to calm down. “I don’t want to hear about it. You’re grounded until Friday. Work and school only.”
“Fine,” I ground out, turning before she dismissed me.
“Where do you think you’re—”
“Oh, I’m sorry, was there more, or were you just going to send me to my room? Which was where I was going, by the way,” I snapped. My mother deflated, waving a dismissive hand toward me before she stormed from the room.
“Just go,” she muttered under her breath, her bedroom door slamming behind her. Even though I wanted to, I couldn’t move right away, too upset to get my legs to go down the stairs. Tears trailed down my cheeks, my face contorting as I tried to get them to stop, but when they didn’t, I bolted down the stairs, grabbing my stuff on the way. Tossing the black garment bag and heels into a heap in the corner, I turned on the most calming music I could find. I needed sleep, but I was too worked up to be able to now, so I started up my computer and pulled up another blank diary entry.
April 5th
#SundayFunday
Dear Diary,
I come bearing a crap ton of emotional baggage. Yes, again. I’m hoping this post won’t be forever long since I need sleep, but unfortunately it’s not looking like I'll get any. Yesterday was my final dance of my high school career, my senior prom. It was wonderful. Literally everything I could have ever wanted or hoped for. The guys and I danced, laughed, and ate the night away with each other and our friends.
And I did it all without my mom’s approval. Which no, technically, I don’t have to have, but come on, it’s my senior freaking prom! What kind of girl doesn’t want to be able to help pick out her dress to take photos with their mom beforehand? It’s like a tiny, downscaled version of a wedding. Well… not really, but you get the gist, Diary.
The promposal was perfect and cheesy and exactly what I’d come to expect from the boys. Dress shopping with Lyla and Stella was the girls’ day I hadn’t realized I needed, and then Sam, my bio dad even told me he was supporting me. Yeah, a man I barely know supports and wants what I want more so than my own mom. I know she wants to keep me safe, but she’s trying to keep me safe from the wrong people.
This is something I haven’t really talked about to anyone, the one hope I still harbor deep down even though I know I probably shouldn’t. I want—someday—for my mom to come around, to finally realize that hindsight is 20/20 and everything she thought was wrong. To realize that by listening and opening up even just slightly, she could see all the wonderful things in her daughter’s life. I don’t want to lose my mom. I don’t want to cut her off, but for right now… I realize that’s probably the best option because I hate being hurt over and over. Hate getting my hopes up only to have them crushed. Heck, we haven’t even gotten to the trial yet, no idea how that shit show will go but only time will tell… though I’m way more open to pretending it’s not coming up until I’m staring it directly in the face.