‘Until that happens, I’m a firm believer in setting oneself goals. I have my sights set on diversifying. Presenting is fine, it pays the bills, but it doesn’t satisfy that creative streak within me.’
‘You find this project exciting, not just because you have a connection to this place, then,’ he reflects.
‘Exactly. My mum and sister don’t understand the pull. I can’t help myself, really.’
He toys absent-mindedly with a piece of baguette, then discards it, his eyes scanning my face with genuine interest.
‘I can understand where you are coming from. In my case I think I’m searching for something and I haven’t found whatever it is yet that will make my life fall into place. All I do know is that being here feels right for me, as I’ve distanced myself from the things that were causing me stress. But admitting that makes me feel like a bad son. This lifestyle suits me, but whether I can continue to earn enough to support it is another thing.’
I can empathise with that.
‘We can’t live our lives just to please other people, even if they do have our interests at heart. My sister is expecting her second child and my mum is now despairing of me ever finding someone who will succeed in tying me down.’ I confess.
‘Mothers always worry about their children, no matter how capable they are. They don’t realise that it’s an added pressure, in a way. Not everyone has a clear picture of their future stretching out in front of them and if you’re one of those people then it makes you feel a little lacking sometimes,’ Ronan admits, frowning.
‘I guess it would. I’ve always had a dream and I don’t want to settle for anything in life, unless it really fires me up. So, did you have someone meaningful in your life before you came here? Was the move to get away and start over again?’
It’s a question I’ve been longing to ask but, rather than appear to be a little too eager to find out, I begin clearing up. Ronan helps tip everything back into the carrier bag as he continues.
‘Just my father and his dysfunctional family life. I was seeing someone off and on. But they weren’t too impressed when I chose to walk away from a well-paid job to come here and it wasn’t a tough goodbye for either of us. We wanted different things out of life and it was time to part company. There’s no point being in a relationship if you end up simply going through the motions. I guess the truth is that loneliness is scary at times and it’s easy to hang in there for the wrong reasons. Besides, who would put up with me long-term?’ He turns to look in my direction, holding my gaze as if inviting me to comment. It’s a playful look, but he’s waiting for a reply.
‘Well, I enjoy your company.’ My pulse suddenly quickens.
A smile creeps over his face as our eyes remain locked.
‘I was rather hoping you’d say that, because I was thinking the same thing about you.’
It’s a relief to hear him say that, but I wish he hadn’t stopped there.
‘You turned out to be quite a surprise, Ronan. I like a man who isn’t afraid to share his innermost thoughts. And I’ve told you things I’ve never spoken about to anyone before. It’s all about trust, isn’t it?’ I so want him to keep talking to me, to explain how he feels.
‘We have a lot in common, Lexie, and I think we’re both cautious people by nature. Or maybe it’s because of our life experiences, who knows? I see that as a good thing because it rarely pays to rush into something. But getting into a proper relationship is a major upheaval. Your plans sound—’
He begins to reach out with his hand, when suddenly my phone kicks into life and I curse under my breath. Ronan immediately draws back, grabbing the carrier bag and easing himself up on his knees as I answer the call.
‘Hey, Maisie,’ I reply brightly as that familiar little voice fills my ear. The timing couldn’t have been worse but it’s not her fault. ‘How are you, my darling girl? What are you doing home from school at this time of day?’
‘Mummy picked me up early as I had to go to the dentist. It’s raining and we got wet and now I don’t feel very well, Auntie Lexie.’
She sounds upset, rather than ill, and I can hear Shellie in the background telling her she will be fine.
‘You settle down on the sofa and I’ll go and fetch your onesie from upstairs,’ Shellie adds.
‘That’s what I do when I don’t feel very well. I snuggle up on the sofa and watch a film, or something. Resting usually helps and before you know it, you’re feeling much better,’ I encourage her.
Maisie sniffs, sounding dejected.
‘Ollie broke up with me today.’ Her voice is low, almost a whisper.
‘Broke up?’
‘Katie gave him some sweets and she asked him to be her boyfriend. But he was my boyfriend, Auntie Lexie.’
Her voice sounds fractured, as if she’s struggling to hold back a flood of tears. That welling-up feeling that takes one’s breath away. I don’t quite know what to say to her.
‘Have you told Mummy?’
‘No. Every time I try, I get this horrible pain… in my chest… and I can’t… speak.’ Her words come out haltingly. I screw up my eyes, wishing I could just wrap my arms around her.
‘Oh, my darling girl. What exactly happened?’
Another sniff. ‘He said he was breaking up with me because Katie was nicer to him.’
‘What did you say to that?’
‘I started crying and he said I was a baby.’
Ah, my heart is literally in pieces now as I hear the pain coming through so very clearly in her words.
‘Maisie, you aren’t a baby at all and it’s fine to cry when you’re feeling upset. One day, when you’re all grown up, you will meet someone very special and he will be a keeper. Like your daddy. But until then boyfriends will come and go.’
‘But I like Ollie, Auntie Lexie. He can run really fast and he’s funny.’
‘I’m sure he’s amazing, darling. But you are even more amazing, believe me. For now, though, I think it’s best if you just have lots of friends and lots of fun. But know that friends come and go. That’s not a bad thing, but a good thing. A new friend could introduce you to a new hobby, for instance.’
‘Have you made any new friends in France, Auntie Lexie?’ Her voice at least sounds even, now.
‘Yes, I have. Lots of new friends. And I’ve learnt so many new things and that has made me feel very happy. When I get home, I’m going to have so much to tell you and one day I know you’ll want to visit Versailles too, when you hear all about it.’
There’s a slight pause. ‘It wasn’t very nice when Ollie made fun of me,’ she says. It sends a little stab of pain to my heart.
‘I know and it was very wrong of him, Maisie. When someone is hurting, the kind thing to do is to try to make them feel better. That way, we feel good about ourselves, too. Make sure you remember what I said, Maisie – you are one amazing girl. You are strong, you are clever, and you can do anything you want to do and I’m so proud of you. Now, put a big smile on your face and think about what film you are going to watch to cheer you up.’
I have a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball as Shellie returns to the room.