He looks at me pointedly, no doubt trying to piece together a motive. ‘It wasn’t down to something like a restructuring of the organisation, then?’
‘No, that would at least have excused his behaviour. It was personal. My boss knew I could do his job better than he could do it and he had Jake’s ear. He probably made up some stupid story about how I’d messed up and Jake was too busy to check it out. Jake didn’t even take a moment to pause and think about the impact it would have on my life, or my future, because he was too busy organising his move.’
‘What did the rest of your family say?’
I expel a rather lengthy sigh. ‘Mum still doesn’t know the full story. She thinks I just decided to move on. My sister knows the truth and we believe that’s the real reason Jake made no attempt to make contact with any of us after he left: he felt guilty. But Shellie has seen him twice in this last week and says he’s changed. Well, he has for sure, because he’s returned with a wife and twin boys that we knew nothing at all about.’
‘Wow.’ Now Ronan is beginning to understand. ‘Lexie, from what I’ve seen you’re a fighter. And you’re a very professional and capable person, so I’m sure it was obvious you could do the job justice. Why didn’t you fight back and make your voice heard before he left?’
I try my best not to let my body language give away how distressing I’m finding this and I straighten my spine, pushing back my shoulders.
‘I made a big mistake. My boss, who was the CEO’s nephew, invited me around to his house one night. I had no idea his wife wasn’t going to be there, and it seemed genuine enough as I’d been there before. We had an important meeting coming up and we were going to pitch an idea for a new project.
‘Something wasn’t right, and I sensed that the moment I walked through the door. He didn’t seem in a hurry to settle down to work and the longer he messed about sorting drinks and generally chatting, the more I realised he had another motive. Suddenly, he launched himself at me and in the ensuing tussle I ended up giving him a black eye. I couldn’t get out of there quickly enough, because, if I hadn’t fought back, I don’t know how far he would have taken it.’
Ronan reaches out across the table, grabbing my hand. His face is ashen and, the way he’s compressing his lips together, I can see how angry he is.
‘No man should ever treat a woman that way. But you never told anyone? Why?’
‘No. Until now. What was the point? It was my word against his and I know his wife. She’s lovely. I don’t think, I mean, I’m pretty sure it was a one-off. I went there of my own accord and how would it have looked, given that my own brother had immediately sacked me? No one would have believed my side of the story.’
Ronan shakes his head, a stony expression on his face.
‘Once is one time too many, Lexie. That was a tough decision to make, but I understand why you didn’t tell anyone. It’s sickening that men like that can get away with it, though.’
Taking a moment to consider his words, I know he’s right. I should have spoken up.
‘Even the next day, I was still in shock, to be honest. At the time I had to focus on getting a job. If I’d kicked up a fuss, then I risked making myself unemployable. Everyone I knew professionally was talking about it and I decided, rightly or wrongly, to keep quiet.
‘I didn’t have the energy to face the fallout and I know that’s an excuse, but it was a genuine concern for me at the time. I was scared that I’d start the process and not be able to see it through, which would have made it look even more like I wasn’t telling the truth. The guy is still with his wife and I guess I’ve appeased my conscience by telling myself that alone justified my silence. Maybe he learnt his lesson.’
Having never told anyone about the attack, even Shellie, now I hear my own words I shudder, wondering how I could have been so stupid. The guy made me a victim and that wasn’t fair. It left me doubting my own judgement of other people, because it hadn’t even occurred to me that I wasn’t safe around him.
‘These things happen all the time, sadly, because life isn’t always fair. Only those close to me would have known I would never make a false accusation. But those who only knew of me, or saw me from a distance – well, people are left wondering, aren’t they? And that’s the injustice of finding yourself in a situation like that.’
Ronan squeezes my hand, withdrawing it as the waiter approaches to take our plates.
‘I’m glad you told me, and I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, I just wanted to understand. You can’t change the past, but you should tell your brother the truth now he’s back. He made a horrible mistake and it’s come between you both for the wrong reason. He’d have to be a very hard person indeed to know the whole story and not regret his part in it.’
Desperate to change the subject, I move on to talk to Ronan about Mum and the new plans for the move, then about Shellie and her amazing little family. I want him to understand why my life in the UK means so much to me. I don’t want him to feel that he’s relegated to last place, but some choices are tough. Even though I know I’m hopelessly in love with Ronan, I can’t walk away from my old life.
As the waiter reappears, my appetite is back and the aiguillettes de boeuf aux girolles – or slices of lean, moist roast beef served with wild chanterelle mushrooms – is truly divine. I savour every little mouthful as I refuse to dwell upon old wounds.
While we await the crème brûlée flavoured with pungent Kafir lime, Ronan tells me a little more about his father and the time he spent working for him. He sounds like a man who has to control everything in his life and his aim was to distance Ronan from his mother. His father wanted him to leave that side of his past firmly behind him, asking Ronan to change his name one last time. But it’s clear he didn’t know his son at all. How could he expect Ronan to do that? The lure was the promise of an inheritance, which has since been withdrawn.
When the phone call comes, confirming that the camera won’t be ready until tomorrow, we don’t rush back. Instead, we linger on the terrace outside with coffee, overlooking the river; it’s relaxing to simply sit and chat for a while. Then we take another stroll through the grounds and on into the forest.
It’s weird how fate engineered this today, off the back of what I thought of at first as a nightmare situation. We badly needed this time away from everything, with no distractions and no threat of being interrupted.
Eventually, it’s time to head back to Versailles and we both take it for granted that Ronan will stay over for the night. We’ve reached the point where any lingering doubts about our future together have dissolved.
Wrapped in his arms, I have never felt as safe, or as protected, and it’s a feeling that makes my heart soar. Now we have bared our souls to each other, even our respective hang-ups that won’t quite go away don’t seem quite so draining, or problematic.
Dating can be fun, but it can also be a temporary lift and then a gutting realisation it’s time to move on. That feeling of loneliness remains and it can be isolating, making you feel vulnerable. But until you’re really with someone – that special someone – you have no idea what’s missing from your life, you are simply searching for something to fill the emptiness inside you. I had no idea how uplifting and complete it makes you feel to be loved and to love in return.