So, I continued, hoping it didn’t sound like I had a mouth full of peanut butter, as my emotions overtook me. “That is when she told me she’d cheated on me with the town deputy.”
Gia gasped, clutching her mouth. “Oh, Tanner.” She reached out and put her hand on my knee.
I closed my eyes, swallowing hard. “I was devastated.” I stopped signing, balling my hands into fists. I remembered that day like it was yesterday. How my vision had started to go black, as I was sweating, breathing heavy. It was the same fight or flight I’d felt in the lunchroom as a kid. But a thousand times worse. My entire marriage was crumbling. My life felt like a lie. It still physically pained me to talk about. Worse than any blow I’d ever bent dealt as a kid being bullied. I still hated myself that in that moment, I’d wanted to hurt Alex as badly as she’d hurt me. “I swear to you I never lifted a hand to my wife, but I’ll be honest. I was so wounded, part of me wanted to.”
Gia’s expression grew wary, and she shifted away from me slightly, not much, but enough that I noticed. I hated telling her that, but she of all people deserved to know. “What happened?”
Damn, I hadn’t taught Gia that sign, but she nailed it. I suspected she’d been studying some on her own and had that one prepared to ask me when I’d finally nutted up and laid it all out there.
“I wasn’t sure what I was capable of in that moment. So, I did what I thought was best. I told her to get out and leave me alone.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I quickly pressed them shut. I wanted so badly to get through this story without breaking down.
“Hours later, when I was calmer, I’d tried texting Alex to talk it out. I assumed she was back in New York to stay with her folks or friends. I’d assumed she was as pissed at me for kicking her out as I was at her for the affair, so she was avoiding me.”
Finally, when I willed my eyes to open, Gia was still staring at me, jaw hanging open, waiting for me to finish.
“Her car had veered off the road and rolled into the woods. A storm came in that night, like your storm.” I took a breath. So much talking. “Called everyone. She was nowhere to be found. Fucking freaked out. Called police, and search began. It took the cops days to find her buried car.”
Gia was hanging on my every word. “And that’s how she died?”
I opened my mouth to speak and tell her the rest of the story, but just as I did, my phone vibrated across the table. My caller ID displayed VRS Call.
“What’s VRS?”
“Video Relay Service. ASL interpreter.” My family knew to just FaceTime me. So, if VRS was calling, it was probably business related.
Fuck. I had to answer it. It could be a renter. I always requested renters to text me, but people didn’t always follow the rules. Sighing, I held up one finger to Gia, asking her to give me a minute while I took the call.
Talk about the worst timing ever to get a phone call.
I sat there and watched as Tanner took the call. There was a delay in the messaging, almost like when Tyler was interpreting for me, so I assumed that this was some type of service that he used to take phone calls.
Normally, I’d have questions about all that, but I was still a bit shellshocked from everything he’d just told me. My mind was plagued with too many other looming questions at the moment. Was Alex dead when they found her in the car, or had she passed sometime later? Why would she cheat on someone as amazing as Tanner? I mean, honestly, the man was a saint.
And the biggest question of all…if she never lived in this house, what in the hell was in that spare bedroom upstairs?
Not proud to admit it, but when Tanner was outside dealing with the properties this past week, I got a little snoopy and meandered upstairs to see this so-called shrine to his wife that I now knew had cheated on him.
I found that the spare bedroom was locked.
I decided not to try and open it. I could easily explain myself out of wandering into a spare room out of mere curiosity to see the rest of the home, but it would be much harder to explain to Tanner why I picked open a locked door.
“I have to go check on a tenant. Furnace isn’t working,” Tanner said as he walked back into the room, now fully dressed. “I’m sorry.”
I waved my hand, letting him know it was okay.
Of course, it was so not okay.
“Stay inside. Text me if you need anything,” he said. I knew those signs very well. It was the same instructions that he gave me every time he’d leave the house. Tanner had motion sensors on his property set up for animals, cars rolling up his driveway and whatnot, but ever since the storm, he said some of them had been on the fritz. He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and I managed a meager smile. And then he was gone.
Now, I had to sit there and wait for God only knew how long with my brain short-circuiting.
I looked over to Archie staring at the door, pissed that he couldn’t go with his daddy.
“I really wish you could speak,” I said to him. Because that dog probably knew the entire damn story. It was obvious that Tanner was still angry. Angry with himself, or angry with his wife? I wasn’t quite sure.
He let out a whimper and laid down, resting his head on his paws, giving me those sad puppy eyes, as if to say he was sorry he couldn’t help me out.
I got up and cleared the table, putting the dishes into the dishwasher. As I scrubbed, my gaze would continually drift up to the landing above me, and that damn locked door. My mind floated back to my days of waiting tables and washing dishes in that tiny Italian restaurant in the Bronx.
That’s where Angelo and I had met. Every Thursday evening, he and his colleagues would come in and I’d seat them in the private room they always reserved in the back of the restaurant. The men would all flirt unabashedly and make crude, sexual advances toward me. Every time they would, Angelo would stop them dead in their paths, command that they respect me, and treat me like a lady. It all felt so chivalrous.
Just like I was doing now with Tanner. He was protecting me, making me feel safe, loved, taken care of.
Could I really trust my stupid heart again? What if Tanner was just telling me what I wanted to hear?
Suddenly, the room felt very warm, and it was hard to breathe. Tanner said to stay inside, but surely going on the porch to get some fresh air couldn’t hurt. We were far enough off the road that I could see anyone coming up to the property.
Not to mention, Archie was now barking and pawing at the front door. He probably needed to pee.
Except when I opened the door, I realized I’d made a big mistake. Someone was already on his property.
So that was why Archie was barking. Stupid me.
The old man from the convenience store stood on the porch, jaw hung open as he saw me. I suspected his look mirrored my own.
“Well, I was just about to ring the bell,” the old man bent down, giving Archie a rub. “Didn’t expect you to answer it,” he huffed.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Can I help you?” I asked, lifting my chin, acting as if it was totally normal that I was here.
“Lookin’ for Tanner. Is he around?” He straightened his spine, and Archie ran off to find a tree.
“Nope. Sorry, you just missed him.”
“Aw, darn. Well, I was just on my way up to see Betty for the evening. You remember Betty, right?”