Two soft knocks on my closed door. I ignored him. I couldn’t face him, because if I did, I’d lose my resolve and stay. Two more knocks came, and again, I ignored them. If I looked into his eyes, I knew every ounce of my willpower would fade. Finally, I heard Tanner’s footsteps drift away.
I finished packing and grabbed my bags, opening the door. With my phone vibrating in my pocket, I fished it out.
Tanner: I understand you don’t want to speak to me right now. I’ll leave you be. Just wanted you to know I pulled your car out for you and it’s in the front of the house. Keys are in the ignition.
Re-pocketing my phone, I went through the house. The living room was empty, Tanner and Archie nowhere in sight. This was it. I put on my jacket and shoes, then took one last look around the house. “Goodbye, Tanner. I love you, too.”
I got into the car and sitting in the passenger seat were the writing books I’d left in the living room, along with the leather-bound journal, yellow sheet of paper poking out the top. I grabbed it, opening the letter.
G,
I should have told you sooner about my Olivia. For that, I’m truly sorry. It’s just too difficult for me to talk about her. I hope you understand.
I want you to know that you were never a replacement, because nothing could ever replace all that I’ve lost. Just like you can’t get back the years that were stolen from you. The best I can do is try and rebuild. I’d hoped that you and I could do that together. That we could rise from the ashes of our former selves and become something new and beautiful.
I still think that we could. But I’d never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do.
You already spent your time caged up. You are free now and it’s time for you to fly. You can go anywhere, be anything you want to be, G. You are brilliant, beautiful, and stronger than you give yourself credit for.
You will always have my heart.
With all my love,
Tanner
p.s. I left something in the glove box for you. I know you won’t want it, but keep it, please. Just in case.
I flipped open the glove compartment and a pistol lay in there. I quickly shut it, hoping I’d never need to use it.
My tears soaked the yellow paper, marring the ink of his beautiful words as I clutched it to my chest and tried to breathe. Everything inside me screamed to run back in there. But this was the best choice for both of us. This was how we both continued to live, albeit not together. No matter how much it hurt, I had to go.
I just hoped I’d make it to Hal in time.
Turning over the engine, I drove away from the one man I actually wanted around me.
Thirty minutes later, I’d made it down the mountain, this time on the opposite side, and pulled into the parking lot of the tiny inn and thankfully, just as I suspected I saw Hal’s truck sitting there.
I killed my engine, heading toward the lobby. Hal and I just needed to have a little chat, to come to an agreement. Were the cops and Angelo onto us? I prayed that I’d gotten to Hal in time. If not, then I had some other decisions to make.
I walked to the front and found the desk empty. Muttering to myself, I rang the bell a few times and waited. Finally, after what felt like forever, an older woman came out from the back, smoothing her shirt. Her lipstick was far too dark for a woman of her age, and also smeared. And god, that blue eyeshadow and bleached hair, it was like she was stuck in the seventies, and trying way too hard to be younger than what she was.
Yikes. Grow old gracefully, like Helen Mirren, I reminded myself. Don’t cling to youth.
“Can I help you, hun?” she asked.
“I’m looking for Hal. I saw his truck outside.”
Her green eyes raked me over and a possessive look overtook her face. “How do you know Hal?” She lifted her chin, eyes tightening as she pursed her lips.
Seriously. Not interested. Good grief. “I was at Tanner's place earlier and he stopped by, said he was headed up here. I just needed to chat with him for a minute about something.”
“Oooh. Tanner.” She grinned and her wrinkled cheeks flushed. And I could have sworn that the woman just wet her panties. Not that I could blame her. “Such a sweet, handsome man.”
It felt like a vice was gripping around my heart. “Yes,” I swallowed hard. “He sure is.”
“Shame about his wife, isn’t it?” She clutched her chest.
I frowned. “Yes.” It truly was.
“Let me go grab him for you.” She patted my hand and then disappeared into the back.
After I’d repeated my count of the pens in the cup on the counter for the third time, Hal stumbled out of the back room with his cane, tucking in his flannel shirt, with Betty following close behind. As he looked up at me, his head jutted back, making the wrinkled skin on his neck look like a wattle on a chicken. “Well, lookie here. We just can’t stop running into one another.”
I smiled sweetly and ruffled my hair. “I was wanting to talk to you, in private.” I glanced at Betty, who was frowning. Did she seriously think I wanted to do Hal? The woman was out of her mind. “Betty, you can come, too.”
Her face lit up, and she motioned me around the counter. She led us to a small room in the back that had a round table with a few chairs, and we all sat.
In my head I collected my words, took a calming breath, then fixed my gaze on Hal. “My name is Gianna Giordano, and I’m running for my life. And I’m hoping that you two can help me out.”
I steeled my back, closed my eyes for a millisecond, and relived it all…for what I hoped would be the final time.
Looking out from my bedroom window, I’d watched as she got into her car. Watched as she read my letter, then wanted to weep. She still drove away and my heart felt like it was going to implode.
That’s how I’d ended up on my bed, sulking with Archie staring at me like go after her, dumbass. And I thought about it. I really did. But like I’d told her in my letter, I never wanted her to feel trapped.
It was like that stupid saying, if you love something let it go, and if it’s yours it will come back to you. Yeah, that’s a crock of shit, but I was hoping after pouring my heart out to her that she would make the conscious choice to stay on her own account.
Obviously, I was wrong.
Finally, I willed myself to stand and wander the house. A quick search proved she hadn’t left a note or a memento. Just my proverbial heart shattered on the floor of her empty bedroom.
Determined not to feel this pain again, at least for a little while, I went into my kitchen and grabbed the bottle of Maker’s, then poured myself a glass. Fuck two in the afternoon. It was whiskey o’clock according to my watch. I downed it way faster than I should have, then poured a second, hoping that eventually it would numb me.
Right as the red, wax bottleneck hit the rim, Archie ran toward the door and my lights flashed blue.
Doorbell.