“She said no.” My voice is small as I watch a trickle of blood run down my finger.
“What if she changes her mind, like she’s done a million fucking times? Are you going to marry her then?”
“Why not?”
There’s a pause and I hold my breath. I want her to give me the reason I’m hoping for. The one I’m too afraid to ask for.
“Because she’s not the one for you.”
I laugh bitterly. “Oh, yeah. Who else is going to want to deal with all my baggage? Who knows me like she does?”
Tess doesn’t respond. I run the blade under the sink and toss it back in the drawer. Murder would be fun, but Zander’s right. Mack needs me and so does Tess.
“Bishop? You still there?”
It goes another beat. “Sloan is asleep on my coach.”
I laugh again. “What I wouldn’t do to be there for that epic sleepover.”
“She’s leaving the morning you get back from Cornell to go to a medical conference with Johnny. She said she’ll have her answer by the time she gets back.”
My head is starting to spin. I take a seat on the chair at the small table.
“So, she might say yes?”
“She might.”
“And you think it’s a bad idea?”
Tess laughs. “It’s been a bad idea since the moment you met her. This is on you. I can’t make this decision for you.”
Her response it expected. Tess would never tell me to leave Sloan if she felt like it’s what I wanted. Her support for my happiness has always been as unwavering as mine was for hers. A part of me wonders if we both sacrificed our hearts when we didn’t need to. That all of this pain could have been prevented if we’d been a little more selfish.
I drag my hand down my face, exhaustion taking over. “Okay, looks like I have a week to decide if I should really go through with it or leave Sloan once and for all.”
“It will be just you and me next week,” Tess says in a small voice. “Plenty of time to talk about things—see how you’re feeling and stuff.”
“I don’t deserve you, Bishop.”
I can’t see her right now, but I picture her smiling. Those pale blue eyes against the deep, dark hair. She holds me with her smile. No matter what the situation, I always feel better. Like everything just might turn out okay.
Please let it be okay.
“Get some sleep,” I say. “I’ll see you in two days.”
“Perry, promise you’ll come back,” she says, a thickness in her voice that wasn’t there before. “I can’t lose you again.”
I fight through my own emotion, clearing my throat. “I won’t do anything that could separate us. I promise.”
“Okay.” She pauses and then adds, “I love you, Perry.”
I smile. “And I love you.”
I found Mack’s boyfriend slumped outside her door the next morning. Poor bastard. I’ve been there more times then I’d like to admit. We had a nice chat and I’ve decided I like him—for now. One fuck up and he’s as good as gone. I’m done with second chances, especially when it comes to Mack.
Before I leave, I make a quick stop at a garage in the shadier part of town. Judah told me about my sister’s car and I met a few guys on the inside who can help. Since Mack is too proud to get her car fixed—even though our fucking dad owns a car dealership, I decided to do it for her. I set it up so she won’t even notice it’s gone.
I get in the car I borrowed from the dealership and take one last look at the apartment building. I see Judah jogging down the stairs. He comes to a stop at my window, so I lower it.
“I tried, man,” he pants. “She won’t talk to me.”
I shake my head. “Give her time. She’s stubborn as fuck.”
Judah laughs. “I know that.” He pauses, eyeing me carefully. “If she won’t let us help, you can get rid of him right?”
This causes me laugh. “One step at a time my friend.” I lean in closer. “And if I told you that, I’d have to kill you too.”
Judah takes a small step back and laughs. “I like you, man. Can’t ever tell if you’re really serious or not, but I like you.”
“I like you too,” I say. I take a long drag. “Take care of my sister. I’ll be seeing you around.”
He nods and I start to back out of the parking space. With the problem seemingly under control, I know I need to go home and face an even bigger one. I’ve barely thought about Sloan since I left. I think it’s because I already know it’s over between us.
My problem now is accepting what I really want, and finally having the courage to go for it.
28
Thinking Out Loud
Perry- Then
I’m helping Tess pick out her wedding dress today. This is a job usually reserved for the mother of the bride—or girlfriends even, but here I sit in an over-stuffed chair in a room that is stark white and sparkly. Tess’s mom isn’t so much against the wedding, it’s that she feels like she’s too young to settle down. She did just graduate three weeks ago.
So, instead of making a big deal out of it, Walker and Tess are running off to the courthouse and then having a reception at the lake. Actually, it’s kinda perfect for them—and romantic.
I slump lower in my chair, bored as fuck, until the curtain is pulled back. Tess fusses with the length of the white, V-neck dress as she tries to move forward. I choke on my own air. She looks like an angel. Her dark, almost black hair flows in waves to one side and her porcelain skin practically glows in contrast to the dress.
When she finally makes it in front of the floor-length mirrors, she eyes me in the reflection with a shrug. “Well, is it okay?”
I grip the sides of the chair, pushing myself up to stand. I walk over behind her and smile. “You look amazing. Walker will love it.”
She dips her head a little, unable to stare at her own reflection for too long. “There aren’t many choices in my price range and I have to get something off the rack.” She turns back to me, uncertainty in her eyes. “Should we wait? I mean, are we rushing into this?”
Her question catches me off guard. I mean—sure, I agree they’re young and should probably wait a little longer so that they can be stable, but I know how much they love each other and if I’ve learned anything over this past year, it’s that life is short. We never really know how much time we have left and I know I would want to spend it with the person who meant the most to me.
So, instead of giving her an answer, I gently turn her around toward me. I place my hands on her shoulders. “Do you love him?”
She nods.
“Then that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter how you do it or when, it matters that you both feel confident enough in your feelings to take this step.” She smiles wider and so do I.
Turning back around to the mirror, she inhales an unsteady breath. “Okay, this is the one.”
It’s a bittersweet moment for me. I want Tess to have all the happiness in the world because I can’t think of a single person who deserves it more than her, but selfishly, I feel like I’m losing her too. She won’t be up late on the roof of her garage talking to me until we can barely keep our eyes open anymore. She’ll be with her husband, at their home, starting her new life. I’ll still be in a tumultuous relationship with Sloan, waiting for the day she decides that I just might be good enough to spend her life with.