Even though I know he wants to say something about it, he doesn’t. Instead, he continues to plead his case.
“He has a proposition that will keep us out of dealing directly for the most part.” He eyes me carefully and I motion for him to continue. “We haven’t worked through all the details, but he basically needs a business to run the money through.”
I laugh again. “He wants you to launder money through the shop.” I shake my head. “You’re an idiot.”
“No,” he says defensively. “It’s smart actually. I can charge whatever I want for a tattoo and make up clients if I need to. As long as I keep the totals close to the same every day when I make the deposit, no one will ever be suspicious.”
“You’re never going to be able to do this without her knowing.”
Walker smiles. “I do the books.”
My jaw starts to tick. “And you’re completely okay with keeping such a big secret from your wife? One that could potentially ruin you both.”
“It’s not like that, man. I’ll tell her once I figure this all out.” He grabs a cigarette of his own and takes a long drag. “I have a meeting set up tomorrow night. You should come.”
The anger pulses through me in heavy waves. The last thing I need to do is get involved with Robby again, but I can’t exactly let him go alone. He could be walking straight into a trap and I’d feel forever responsible if something happened to him. More importantly, there’s still time to talk him out of it. I just have to find a way to make it seem like it’s his idea.
I throw my cigarette to the ground and snub it out with my boot. “Okay, I’ll go with you.”
He grins again and I hold up my hand. “But we’re just talking. Promise we don’t make any deals until we come back and discuss it—together, all of us.”
Walker nods. “Sure, man. Whatever you need.”
I shake my head again. It’s not about what I need; it’s about all of us. In order to move forward we can’t keep letting people like Robby drag us back down into a life that was leading nowhere good. I would love to go to Tess right now and tell her what’s going on and maybe she could put a stop to it. But I can’t do that.
I can’t be the one who puts a strain on their relationship. Walker is my best friend. Nothing will ever change that. No matter how much he infuriates me with these crazy schemes, at the end of the day, he’s family to me. I protect my family—even if they’re wrong.
33
If You Stay
Tess- Now
Perry is quiet when we leave the restaurant. I expected a certain amount of awkwardness when we finally talked about what’s going on, but it doesn’t make me feel any less nervous. This is a huge step for us. Finally giving into feelings we both pushed aside for far too long will have its consequences. I’m not naïve enough to believe it won’t. All I can hope for is that we come out on the other side of this together—like it should have been all along.
He pulls along the curb outside my building and shuts the lights off, but lets the car idle. When he turns to me, his expression is uncertain.
“I would walk you up, but I’m afraid if I do I won’t leave.”
I smile over at him. “That would be a bad thing?”
He laughs and then runs his hand over the stubble on his jaw. “Um, I wouldn’t call it a bad thing. It would be a pretty fucking amazing thing I’m sure, but I don’t think it’s a good idea just yet.” He reaches his hand over for mine and brings it up to his lips. “I want to do this right with you.”
My heart flutters up into my throat. The way he speaks to me now affects me so deeply that I have trouble finding the words to describe it. I used to watch the way he was with Sloan and wonder if he would ever be able to look at another girl the way he looked at her. Now I think I have my answer.
“Okay,” I agree. “No sleep-overs until at least the second date then.”
This causes him to smile. “So, this was a date?”
I shrug, trying to appear casual. “If you want it to be.”
Instead of answering me right away, he leans forward and kisses me. “Yeah, it was a date,” he says, pulling back from my lips.
Regardless of how much that makes me happy, there’s still a few things I need to get off my chest. Well, one really large thing.
“Perry,” I say, turning in my seat to face him. “I know you’ve always been honest with me about what you and the guys were doing, and although I wanted to be in the loop, it didn’t make it any easier.”
He reaches over and grabs my hand again, his thumb sliding back and forth across my knuckles “I know that, and I’m sorry.”
I take a breath. “That being said, I want you to know I’m done with that part of my life. I don’t want to be constantly worrying the person I love is out doing something that could get them killed.” His eyes meet mine and the pain behind them pushes the unease further into my throat. “So, if you’re still involved with Robby or anyone from before I need to know about it, and if you are then I’m not sure we can go any further with this.”
He starts shaking his head before I even finish speaking. “Tess, I swear. That part of my life is over, too.” He pulls his hand into his chest. “I told Robby when we made things square that I was out for good and I’m never going back.”
I release a quick breath, nodding. “Okay, good.” My heart starts to beat a little slower and I lean back in my seat. “I know you weren’t there toward the end, and it wasn’t your fault, but—Walker was different. I could see the change in him and I refused to believe it was real.”
When I glance over, Perry is watching me speak like he knows what I’m going to say. “The night he died…” My voice catches and I take a shaky breath. “We were fighting. I know you think I’m strong, but the truth is, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I just wanted him to stop.”
The muscle in Perry’s jaw ticks. “And what did he say?”
I swallow down the growing lump in my throat. “He said it was his last one. One more big deal and he was out.” I laugh bitterly as a tear slips down my cheek. “Do you know how many times he told me that?”
He shakes his head even though I’m sure he knows the answer.
“Every single time,” I breathe. I run my hands through my hair and take a few more breaths. “He left me a voicemail just moments before he was shot. I didn’t answer because I was still so angry with him for leaving that night.” My eyes drift shut and I shake my head. “I really wish I did because the next call I got was from the sheriff.”
My eyes are still closed when I feel Perry’s arm come around me. He’s practically in my seat with me, holding me as close as he can get. I bury my face into the crook of his neck and all the pressure building inside my heart starts to lighten. His lips press against the side of my head.
“I hate that you had to go through that. I never wanted that for you.” He pulls back and presses his forehead to mine, holding me with his gaze. “I promise you you’ll never have to go through that again. No matter what happens for us, I will always put you first. I always have.”