For all the times Sloan ran to Johnny when we were fighting, I never once considered he might actually love her too. The look on his face right now is one I’ve seen in my own reflection enough to recognize it.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything. I knew coming into this that eventually you’d come back, and when you did I knew exactly how it would go.” He pauses and looks around for a moment. “I know how it feels to come in second to her. I always have and I don’t think that will ever change.”
My eyes drift to the floor and I shove my hands in my pockets. I’m sure Tess has the same fears. The only difference is, Tess never came in second to Sloan. I know she thinks it’s bullshit, but if it ever came down to choosing between them—I would have chosen her.
Just like I am right now.
He rakes a hand through his hair, messing up his perfectly styled blond locks. “All those years she would come to me crying after fighting with you, sad because she loved you so much, and scared because she knew you’d never change.” He grits his teeth. “I would’ve done anything to make her happy and you just walked around and did whatever the fuck you wanted regardless of how upset it made her.” He takes a step closer, lowing his voice. “You think people in this town don’t know what you are? It’s no secret what you and your friends were into and I would’ve hoped you were smart enough to see what a life like that gets you.”
It’s my turn to be angry. I shove him back a step. “Don’t act like you fucking know me. You don’t know shit about me.”
He runs his hand down the front of his button down and glares back at me. “I know enough to know that Sloan is better off with me.”
“You’re right. She probably is and I’m not going to stand in the way of what she wants.”
He tilts his head to me. “That’s the problem isn’t it? You and I both know what she wants.”
Before I can respond he sighs heavily and turns to walk out of the aisle. I don’t try to stop him. There’s no point in defending something when I know he’s right. Having my character called into question is nothing new for me, but I’ll admit it sucks to hear out loud.
I know I need to face this shit with Sloan once and for all. We need to let each other go, and stick to that decision. It’s devastating to lose the first person you ever loved. That soul-crushing loss is an indescribable pain. But her and I have been over for a long time. I may have asked her not to wait for me, but it was her choice to actually do it. If it were Tess, she would have never even considered it. She’d be sitting in the parking lot every day of my sentence waiting for me to be released.
That’s how loyal she is to me—and I’d do the same for her.
We close the shop late tonight because our last appointment ran over. The movie we wanted to see had already started so we decide to grab a quick dinner at the diner around the block. I push my food around my plate, not really having the appetite I usually do after my conversation from earlier. I didn’t tell Tess I ran into Johnny, and I can tell she senses my unease.
Her vivid eyes meet mine, but they’re filled with concern. “Something on your mind?”
I shake my head slowly. I don’t want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to increase the doubt I know she already has. I should’ve told Sloan when she called earlier in the week that I changed my mind, but I didn’t. No matter how many times she hurts me, it’s still so fucking hard for me to hurt her.
“It’s nothing.”
She scoffs before reaching for her glass of water. “Perry, how many times do I have to prove that you can’t lie to me?” She slaps at my hand and smiles. “I know you better than I know myself.”
I catch her hand and lace the tips of our fingers together. “You’re probably right about that.” I keep my eyes locked on our hands. “I just don’t know how to talk to you about certain things now.”
“Nothing has to change. You can still talk to me like you used to.”
I laugh a little. “No, there’s a difference when it comes to what you talk about with your girlfriend and what you talk about with your friend.”
“Am I your girlfriend?”
This causes me to finally smile. “You’re so much more than that, Tess.”
I see her chest rise unevenly for a moment, her heart no doubt pounding in her chest the way mine does when we talk about our future together. “Then it should be no problem. We’re different than most couples.” Her tone is casual, but shakiness creeps though.
I pull my hand back and dip a fry in ketchup. I let it drop to my plate instead of sticking it in my mouth. “It’s something I have to work out in my own head. You don’t need to worry about it.”
She steals the fry off my plate and smirks before taking a bite. “If it involves you, I’m going to worry. Whether you want me to or not.”
“We can talk about it later,” I say, tossing my napkin onto my plate. I reach for her hand again. “Tonight, I just want to spend the evening with you and pretend everything is perfect.”
She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. The inevitable is coming. Sooner or later, Sloan is going to come looking for me, and when she does—I need to tell her the truth.
I pay the check and hold the door for her as we exit the restaurant. We walked since it was so close and I grab her hand as soon as we hit the sidewalk. We walk together silently until we round the corner that leads to her shop. That’s when an angry voice penetrates the tension in the air.
“What in the actual fuck?” Sloan cries.
Even though I don’t mean to, I drop Tess’s hand. Sloan takes measured steps toward us, her hands visibly shaking.
“Sloan…”
“How could you?” she asks, directing her attention to Tess. “After all that I shared with you before I left, and all the things you said to me. Was it a lie?”
Confusion creases my brow as I look between them. I never did get all the details from their little sleepover and I have a feeling she left a lot of it out when we did talk about it. Tess crosses her arms.
“I didn’t lie to you, Sloan. I told you what would happen if you continued to mess with his head, so don’t act surprised now.”
Sloan gets in Tess’s face and I grab her elbow to pull her back. She shoots me an angry glare, before looking back to Tess. “You were always jealous of me.”
Tess laughs. “Jealous? Are you kidding me right now?” She shakes her head. “Why would I ever be jealous of someone like you?”
Sloan strains against my hold. “You always wanted Perry and you know it. You think I didn’t notice the way you looked at him—at us? It must have killed you knowing you could never have him as long as I was around.”
I grit my teeth and squeeze her arm in warning. “Okay, that’s enough.”
She looks up at me, pulling her arm from my grasp. The hurt in her eyes still rips my insides out despite my anger. “Don’t act like everything I just said isn’t true.”
“You’re awfully judgmental for someone who has already promised their heart to someone else.”