Dutch doesn’t back away from me, instead, he turns his head to the side. His eyes flicking down to the bag in her hand, then lifting to meet hers before he swings around to meet my own.
“What’s that?”
Shaking my head, I press my lips together. “Pregnancy test,” I admit.
I don’t know why I say it, maybe because I pretty much already know that it’s going to be positive. He takes a step back, his eyes wide and his entire body jerks.
“Pregnancy test,” he repeats the words, speaking so slowly that I wonder if he’s having an issue breathing.
Reaching for the bag in Ana’s hand, I thank her, then lift my gaze to meet Dutch’s. “Can I get a minute alone?” I ask.
He nods his head slowly but doesn’t move. Ana wraps her hand around his forearm and tugs him out of the bathroom. Closing the door behind them, I lock it and open the bag. The box is small, too small to contain the biggest piece of knowledge in my world.
If it’s positive, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Cry. But after that, I have no clue. I can’t scavenge and live on the streets again, not like I did when I left my father, not like I was planning to do after saving a little bit of cash. I can’t do any of that with a baby.
Opening the box, I scan the instructions, then get started. Once the test is taken and sitting on the edge of the counter, I watch it. Staring at it and wondering how my life is going to change in the next few seconds. It doesn’t take long, the answer is practically glowing back at me.
Positive.
Closing my eyes, a tear slowly trickles down my cheek. I wipe it away. I’m not sad. Not really. I’m terrified. That’s what I am. Completely and totally terrified. With shaky hands, I pick up the test and on trembling legs, I make my way toward the living room.
Dutch and Ana’s heads both swing around and their gazes clash with mine. They must know the answer without me having to say anything. They’re both standing and where Ana runs toward me, Dutch marches out the door, slamming it behind him.
“I’m pregnant,” I whisper.
Ana’s arms wrap around me as she pulls me against her body. “You’re going to be okay, it’s going to be okay,” she coos. “We will do this, together.”
“Together?” I ask.
She lifts her head, her gaze finding mine. “Together for as long as you need me.”
“You think I won’t need you?” I ask.
Her lips curve up into a grin. “Need? No. Someone else will take you from me, someone else will need you, and I’m okay with that, because that is where you’ll want to be.”
“You mean with Mountain?” I ask.
She nods. “Or whoever.”
I don’t ask her about the whoever part. I don’t want to know honestly. I can only handle so much, and this is all I can do at this point. I’m having a baby.
A baby.
A fucking baby.
Tears spring to my eyes. I don’t know what I’m doing or how I’m going to do it. I don’t know if I can. But at the same time, I don’t know if I cannot. This happened, it wasn’t planned, but I am free now.
I am free to live the life that I want, without the fear of abuse by a monster who is no longer breathing. If I was ever going to bring a child into the world, I suppose now is as good of a time as any. I mean, it’s not like I know what the fuck I’m doing, or that I’ll ever know.
“Am I crazy for thinking of keeping this child?” I ask.
“Not at all,” Ana whispers. “We’ll do this together if we need to.”
“What about you, your life?”
She’s quiet for a moment, her gaze flicking to her lap before it lifts to mine. “I fell in love with a man who can’t love me back because he doesn’t have any more room in his heart, he already loves two other people. So, my life is here, with you for now and yours is here with me. Everything happens for a reason.”
“It does,” I rasp.
MOUNTAIN
Taking a cigarette out of the box, I curse myself for starting to smoke again. I kicked the habit years ago, and now it’s all fucked again. Though, what the fuck else am I supposed to do when I’m on a stakeout? I can only eat so many fucking corn nuts.
“You got this shit under control?” Worm asks from next to me.
I like this kid. He’s a vet, he has his shit locked down tight, he’s smart as fuck and he knows computers like nobody else I’ve ever met.
“Hopefully we’re close,” I grunt.
“No matter one way or the other, Gavino’s bitches are ace.”
I chuckle thinking about the two that I regularly visited, two women that I haven’t gone to even once since I’ve been here. Coyote still can’t find Leighton and honest to fuck, I don’t know if he’s lying to me or telling me the truth.
As much as it would piss me the fuck off if he has been lying to me over the past month, I can’t help but hope that he is. Because if she’s been gone for this long, vanished in the wind, there is no goddamn hope of finding her at this point.
“They are,” I murmur.
“But you don’t go.”
His words aren’t a question, more like a statement. I don’t go, but it’s not because I don’t want to get laid. I do. It’s because my stupid cock fucked it all up for me the first time with Leighton and I plan on getting her back, when I do, I want to be able to tell her the truth. That there hasn’t been anyone since Black’s bitch, a fuck that I greatly regret.
I haven’t had many regrets in this life. I usually live with the philosophy that everything happens for a reason. What’s meant to be is fucking meant to be. Except Black’s Old Lady, I regret everything about her.
“I don’t. Got a woman waiting for me at home,” I lie.
Thankfully, Worm doesn’t call me on the lie. Instead, we focus back on the judge in front of us. He’s purchased three girls, all under the age of sixteen, all of which have never been seen again. Honest to fuck, Worm couldn’t find them. Unfortunately, I think that they’ve already been disposed of.
I can see why Gavino wanted these fuckers taken care of, and it just so happens that he can maybe work with the representatives that are in his pocket on their replacements. I don’t really question the motives, I don’t care.
This is a job, one I’m being paid handsomely for, but also, I’m doing the world a service. I could tout about being a hero, but I’m still committing murder, even if it is to rid the world of such a sick motherfucker.
However, I’ll still feel a sense of pride when they’re all dead and I watch their blood seep from their bodies, when I witness their final breaths, and close my eyes as their souls descend to Hell.
This is my second job. The first, I ended him, stabbing him in the chest and watching as the life drained from him. It was sweet justice, especially since I found one of the girls in his basement. Locked away in a cage, like an animal.
Something ugly slithered through me. Something peaceful and for the first time, I enjoyed the kill. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t ever. Killing should be a necessary evil, something that I have to do because I have no other choice. Our club isn’t on the up in up, but we’re not fucking psychos either.