Dutch has been great.
But.
Dutch is not Mountain.
This baby is not Dutch’s.
And my heart, it still wants Mountain—the epic asshole.
I don’t know why I want him either, I shouldn’t. As far as I know, he’s back from wherever he went and just doesn’t want me anymore. He got what he wanted, and now I’m no longer a new toy for him. I was shiny and fun to play with, and now… not so much.
It’s normal, it’s what I’ve seen my whole life. My father always did that with the girls he brought in. He didn’t date, not anyone for any length of time. I never even met a single person he went out with. I know that he did, because some of the women he dated were famous and I would see pictures of them in magazines he would bring home.
But I never met those women. And there were dozens upon dozens, because men don’t stay. They don’t fall in love and devote themselves to just one person. They just don’t do it. Why I thought that it could be possible with Mountain, with a man that I didn’t even know, I’m not sure.
Call it naïve. Call it useless, childish hope. Call it silliness because I decided he saved me. I don’t know. All I do know is that I’m having his baby, I’m broke as shit, and I tend bar part-time for a motorcycle club.
I also know that I’ve never been so scared, so nervous, or so excited for anything in my entire life the way that I am for this child.
Following behind Dutch, I climb into his old muscle car and buckle my lap seat belt. Looking straight ahead, I try not to stress out about this appointment. What if I’ve fucked up somehow and hurt my baby?
“You’re going to be fine. You been taking those vitamins Bones told you about?”
“Yeah,” I say with a nod.
I think of the gummy prenatal vitamins that he brought over the day after the party where he announced he knew about my pregnancy. He said his wife couldn’t take the pills, but enjoyed the gummy ones. They’re freaking delicious and if it was up to me, I’d have ten a day, or more.
“Then you’re going to be fine, babe.”
Nodding, I look out the passenger window of the car and wonder if he’s right. Am I going to be fine? I don’t feel fine.
I feel emotionally, financially, and physically unstable.
I feel like a fucking mess.
“That’s because you are, but trust me, you’ll be fine.”
“I hope you’re right,” I whisper.
“I am.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
LEIGHTON
I don’t know if everyone cries when they hear their baby’s heartbeat for the first time, or see their image on the screen, a little black and white blob thing. But if they don’t at least feel something flutter and bubble inside of them at the sound and the sight, then I don’t know if they’re really human at all.
Clutching the strip of images against my chest, I walk out of the doctor’s office and into the waiting room where Dutch is sitting, reading a pregnancy magazine. He lifts his head as soon as he senses me.
His eyes flick to the strip of pictures, then move up to meet my own as his lips twitch into a small smile.
“You ready?” he asks.
“Absolutely not,” I breathe.
He tosses the magazine to the side table next to him and slowly stands to his feet. “No choice now, babe, is there?”
“Only one.”
He chuckles, shaking his head. He somehow already knew my decision before even I was certain of it. We leave the office, and Dutch takes me out to lunch at this little greasy spoon a few miles outside of town. I don’t question anything, not a single thing, but after we eat, when he starts driving in the opposite direction of the clubhouse, I start to sweat.
“Where are you taking me?” I demand.
He doesn’t respond to my question, not a single fucking word. Dutch keeps driving and less than an hour later, I’m sitting in front of the Savage Beast MC gates. The sensation of betrayal flows through my blood at the sight of the chain-link gate that meets me.
“You have to tell him,” he grunts.
Turning to look at Dutch, I narrow my gaze at him. “I don’t,” I snap. “I don’t have to say a fucking thing.”
Dutch gives me a sad smile and shakes his head. “I don’t know you well, babe. But I know enough that you need to tell him. Otherwise, you won’t be able to live with yourself. Bones already told you to spill the beans. I know he did.”
“Why are you bringing me here now?” I demand softly.
He shrugs a shoulder as the gate opens slowly. I watch as he shifts the truck into drive and heads down the sandy dirt gravel road as he makes his way toward the main plain square building.
“I think it’s better to tell him now, rather than wait. You wait long enough and eventually, it’ll be too much and you won’t even want to say it.”
“Do you really think he’s going to care?” I ask.
He hums. “Don’t know him too well, but Mountain almost claimed and married a girl just to save her from an unhealthy relationship. She was pregnant. He was going to take her on, take on the baby, but she refused. Thinkin’ he’d want to know about his own kid.”
“And I’m thinking he didn’t give enough of a fuck about me to try to find me for the past three months,” I snap.
He doesn’t know the truth, doesn’t know that had he married Della, he would be with his own baby right now and I wouldn’t be where I am. He doesn’t know the truth of it all. I am sloppy seconds to the family he really wants.
Dutch shakes his head as he shifts the truck into park. I don’t get a chance to argue with him for even another minute. He jumps out of the truck and walks toward the clubhouse. He doesn’t look back, instead, he just walks into the clubhouse, leaving me alone in the truck.
I watch the clubhouse door close, then stare at that closed door and wonder why I don’t just jump out and run. It feels like a great day to run. To hide. To live in denial.
A fist pounding on the window causes me to scream with a jump. Turning my head, I look over to see Gator standing on the other side, a smile playing on his lips. When I don’t make a move to open the door, he does it for me.
“Babe,” he rasps. “You here for him?”
I shrug a shoulder. “I’m here because Dutch drove me here.”
“No other reason?” he asks, his gaze dipping down to my belly before it lifts up to meet my own.
“Nope,” I say, popping the P.
He chuckles, shaking his head as he takes a step back, holding the door open for me. Sliding from the truck, I decide not to fight the moment. I do need to tell Mountain the truth. He should know that I’m going to have his baby. It’s not fair to keep it from him, but that doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly his woman again or that he’ll magically want me.
Fuck that.
He’s still a dick.
“He’s not here,” he rasps. I let out a sigh of relief, but Gator only grins an almost sad smile before he continues, “But he’s supposed to be back any second.”
“Lovely,” I mutter.
He laughs, making his way toward me as he slides his arm across my shoulders. “Pretty much, darlin’.”